Scottish Ticket Avoider

Suitcase hurling in Scotland


A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, was riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector. Finally, the conductor managed to corner him and told him to pay up: “You’ve been on for five miles - that’ll be 50p, please, and 10p for your suitcase.”

The Scotsman responded, “I ha’not! I want a, ha’penny fare, I just got on this vera moment.”

They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over London Bridge, he grabs the Scotsman’s suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus.

It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, “Not only are ya trin’ to overcharge me for the ticket - but now you’ve gone a’drowned ma wee boy, Jimmy!”


QuotaBills
Winners train, losers complain. - Unknown

Champions train. Losers complain. - Unknown

I do my very best to avoid shark fin. - Anthony Bourdain

It is idle to dread what you cannot avoid. - Publilius Syrus

Sometimes that light at the end of the tunnel is a train. - Charles Barkley

I you want to avoid battles, stay out of the grassy areas. - Pokemon

The way to avoid roadblocks to learning is to ask questions. - Joseph J. Thomas

Always be ready to speak your mind, and a base man will avoid you. - William Blake

In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily. - Count Talleyrand

I avoid looking forward or backward, and try to keep looking upward. - Charlotte Brontë

A man must learn to endure patiently what he cannot avoid conveniently. - Michel de Montaigne

Every success is usually an admission ticket to a new set of decisions. - Henry Kissinger

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteeen. - WC Fields

The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them. - Bill Vaughan

There is a light at the end of the tunnel... hopefully its not a freight train! - Mariah Carey

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill

As far as single payer, it works in Canada. It works incredibly well in Scotland. - Donald Trump

There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. - Aristotle

A collection of rare thoughts is nothing less than a cabinet of intellectual gems. - William B. Sprague

Isn't life a collection of weird quizzes with no answers to half the questions? - Pawan Mishra

People spend entire lifetimes trying to avoid the things that have already happened. - Silvia Hartmann

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. - Soren Kierkegaard

The more you learn about the dignity of the gorilla, the more you want to avoid people. - Dian Fossey

A man's own good breeding is the best security against other people's ill manners. - Lord Chesterfield

A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works. - Bill Vaughan

If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction. - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Never let life's hardships disturb you... no one can avoid problems, not even saints or sages. - Nichiren Daishonen

The problem in this world is to avoid concentration of power - we must have a dispersion of power. - Milton Friedman

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train. - Oscar Wilde

There is one difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist - the taxidermist leaves the hide. - Mortimer Caplan

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

To avoid an occasion for our virtues is a worse degree of failure than to push forward pluckily and make a fall. - Robert Louis Stevenson

I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes

The very things we wish to avoid, neglect and flee from turn out to be the 'prima materia' from which all real growth comes. - Andrew Harvey

Change is one of the scariest things in the world and yet it is also one of those variables of human existence that no one can avoid. - Aberjhani

A "No" uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble. - Mahatma Gandhi

The great outdoors is a theme with me; a walking holiday in Scotland is perfect - Culloden and the forests of Aviemore are both favourites. - Erin O'Connor

Science is built up with facts, as a house is with stones. But a collection of facts is not more a science than a heap of stones is a house. - Jules Poincare

In a world of complex threats, our security and leadership depends on all elements of our power - including strong and principled diplomacy. - Barack Obama

Social Security's not the hard one to solve. Medicare, that is the gorilla in the room, and you've got to put all of it on the table. - Joe Biden


see also   Nationality  &  Train  Sections
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23-Sep-2019