Pizza Order in 2020

Order tracking in the future


Operator: “Thank you for calling Olympic Pizza. May I have your...”

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to order.”

Operator: “May I have your NIDN first, sir?”

Customer: “My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh… it’s 6102049798-45-54610.”

Operator: “Thank you, Mr. Ward. I see you live at 1642 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number’s 495-2177. Your office number over at Squamish Insurance is 745-2305 and your cell number’s 276-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?”

Customer: “Huh? I’m at home. Where d’ya get all this information?”

Operator: “We’re wired into the system, sir.”

Customer: (Sighs) “Oh, well, I’d like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special Luge pizzas - the one that the street luge guy almost ordered...”

Operator: “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sir.”

Customer: “Whaddya mean?”

Operator: “Sir, your medical records indicate that you’ve got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won’t allow such an unhealthy choice.”

Customer: “Dang. What do you recommend, then?”

Operator: “You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I’m sure you’ll like it.”

Customer: “What makes you think I’d like something like that?”

Operator: “Well, you checked out “Gourmet Soybean Recipes” on Google last week, sir. That’s why I made the suggestion.”

Customer: “All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then. What’s that cost?”

Operator: “That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. The “damage,” as you refer to in several of your past emails to us, comes to $49.99.”

Customer: “Lemme give you my credit card number.”

Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit.”

Customer: “I’ll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.”

Operator: “That won’t work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn.”

Customer: “Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I’ll have the cash ready. How long will it take?”

Operator: “We’re running a little behind - it’ll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you’re in a hurry you might want to pick ’em up while you’re out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward.”

Customer: “How the heck do you know I’m riding a bike?”

Operator: “It says here you’re in arrears on your car payments, so your car got reposessed. But your Harley’s paid up, so I just assumed that you’d be using it.”

Customer: “@#%/$@&?#!”

Operator: “I’d advise watching your language, sir. You’ve already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop.”

Customer: (Speechless)

Operator: “Will there be anything else, sir?”

Customer: “No, nothing. Oh, yeah, don’t forget the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas.”

Operator: “I’m sorry sir, but our ad’s exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics.”


QuotaBills
Order is Heaven's first law. - Alexander Pope

Justice is incidental to law and order. - J Edgar Hoover

Law is order, and good law is good order. - Aristotle

Good order is the foundation of all things. - Edmund Burke

Order is the shape upon which beauty depends. - Pearl S. Buck

Chaos often breeds life, when order breeds habit. - Henry Adams

Life is too short not to order the bacon dessert. - George Takei

We shall now proceed to construct the Socialist order. - Lenin

In order to be irreplaceacle, one must always be different. - Coco Chanel

People hasten to judge in order not to be judged themselves. - Albert Camus

Do your job and demand your compensation - but in that order. - Cary Grant

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? - George Carlin

Take me or leave me, or, as is the usual order of things, both. - Dorothy Parker

In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily. - Count Talleyrand

The greatest masterpiece in literature is only a dictionary out of order. - Jean Cocteau

In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion. - Albert Camus

In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision. - Dalai Lama

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. - Groucho Marx

In order to succeed you must fail, so that you know what not to do the next time. - Anthony d'Angelo

In this religious order has flourished and is revitalized the order of Knighthood. - Knights Templar

Roses are red, Pizza sauce is too, I ordered a large, and None of it is for you. - Unknown

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six. - Yogi Berra

You must live with people to know their problems, and live with God in order to solve them. - P.T. Forsyth

I am a writer of books in retrospect. I talk in order to understand; I teach in order to learn. - Robert Frost

The capitalist chain is again threatening to break at the weakest link. Spain is next in order. - Leon Trotsky

She needed the chaos within her in order to discover the extraordinary no man could ever reach. - Robert M. Drake

I actually lost 90 pounds over the course of 15 months in order to save money on life insurance. - Derek Kilmer

The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time. - Joe Girard

Men are born with two eyes but with one tongue, in order that they may see twice as much as they say. - C.C. Colton

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves. - Ludwig Wittgenstein

Let's be frank, the Italians' technological contribution to humankind stopped with the pizza oven. - Bill Bryson

Any processed chicken from any place - I'll order it in a heartbeat. I'm very picky about my pork, though. - David Chang

When it comes to politics, I sit down on a sofa and grab some popcorn - or sometimes I crouch down in order not to get shot. - Sergey Galitsky

I like to eat pizza and spaghetti pomodoro, and I'm crazy for dessert. I like all of them: cassata, cheesecake, biscuits. - Stefano Gabbana

Moses took us Israelis forty years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that has no oil. - Golda Meir

The mathematical sciences particularly exhibit order, symmetry, and limitation; and these are the greatest forms of the beautiful. - Aristotle

I was forced to live far beyond my years when just a child, now I have reversed the order and I intend to remain young indefinitely. - Mary Pickford

Among creatures born into chaos, a majority will imagine an order, a minority will question the order, and the rest will be pronounced insane. - Robert Brault

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

The men who have done big things are those who were not afraid to attempt big things, who were not afraid to risk failure in order to gain success. - B.C. Forbes


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20-Jul-2019