• The florist couldn’t find your house. Did you move?
• I sent a candygram. Someone must have eaten it.
• The Hallmark store was closed, and I didn’t want to send less than the best.
• I sent an e-mail card. You never got it? AOL must have messed up again!
• I left a voice message to meet me for dinner. Where were you?
• I didn’t know you liked jewelry.
• I thought Saint Valentine’s Day was a Catholic holy day.
• Your mailman must have been shot in a post office massacre.
• I thought we would do something different this year.
• I thought it would mean I was making a commitment.
• Chocolates will be cheaper on February 15th.
• You didn’t remind me.
Excuse My Dust - Dorothy Parker
Never ruin an apology with an excuse. - Benjamin Franklin
Ambitious people don't make excuses. - Unknown
I will not equivocate, I will not excuse. - William Lloyd Garrison
Valentine's Day is the poet's holiday. - Ted Kooser
Difficulty is the excuse history never accepts. - Edward R. Murrow
It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one. - George Washington
Excuses interest no one except the competition. - Unknown
No, that wasn't a factor. We had no excuses. - Paul Harvey
Excuses are easy to manufacture and hard to sell. - Chinese Proverb
He everywhere sought excuses for stirring up war. - Livy
History will never accept difficulties as an excuse. - John F Kennedy
Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse. - H L Mencken
I claim there ain't another Saint as great as Valentine. - Ogden Nash
Valentine hearts beat more passionately than everyday hearts. - Unknown
Valentine's Day is like Armistice Day - you declare a truce. - Milton Berle
Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January. - Jim Gaffigan
I attribute my success to this: I never gave or took any excuse. - Florence Nightingale
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. - Steven Wright
He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else. - Benjamin Franklin
Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day. - Jay Leno
Valentine's day without your love is like a year without the Internet. - Santosh Kalwar
Valentine's Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot. - Milton Berle
She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash. - Milton Berle
Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine. - Christopher Plummer
I'm like the kid in kindergarten; I really do send valentines to everyone. - Susie Bright
When my wife asked me to start a garden the first thing I dug up was an excuse. - Henny Youngman
We are so scared of being judged that we look for every excuse to procrastinate. - Erica Jong
All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle
Oh, if it be to choose and call thee mine, love, thou art every day my Valentine! - Thomas Hood
If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway
To the romantic soul, the rituals of Valentine's Day echo every day of the year. - Richelle E. Goodrich
I'm a night owl for sure. I was born at 1 A.M., and that's the excuse I use. - Karla Souza
On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle
Never make excuses. Your friends don't need them and your foes won't believe them. - John Wooden
What is the good of being a genius if you cannot use it as an excuse for being unemployed? - Gerald Barzan
A man who wants to do something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse. - Stephen Dolley Jr.
Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle
The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy. - Milton Berle
Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th. - David Letterman
I love Valentine's Day! I love it, I love it, I love it. I like having doors opened for me. - Ginnifer Goodwin
Being in a band you can wear whatever you want - it's like an excuse for Halloween every day. - Gwen Stefani
The truly free man is the one who will turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse. - Jules Renard
One of the most important tasks of a manager is to eliminate his people's excuses for failure. - Robert Townsend
My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle
Failure is God's way of saying, "Excuse me, you're moving in the wrong direction." - Oprah
Why buy flowers for Valentine's Day? Just go to a cemetery and collect a dozen off a few graves. - Jarod Kintz
The thing about Valentine's day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of. - Faye Morgan
The worst excuse you could ever come up for not turning in homework is that you have no one to copy it from. - Unknown
Valentine's Day: Rubbing singles' noses in their lack of a mate and the noses of couples in their lack of time. - Emma McLaughlin
I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle
My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle
This Valentine's Day rent a poem for your loved. They come in three sizes - small, medium, and romantic. Free refills available to Premium Members. - Jarod Kintz
Ignorance of the law excuses no man; not that all men know the law, but because 'tis an excuse every man will plead, and no man can tell how to confute him. - John Selden
My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, "Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul." That's just like her. She kept the good parts for herself. - Milton Berle
Religions that teach brotherly love have been used as an excuse for persecution, and our profoundest scientific insight is made into a means of mass destruction. - Bertrand Russell
Non-Muslims in Saudi Arabia can only celebrate Valentine's Day behind closed doors. Apparently, this has led to a huge black market for flowers and wrapping paper. - John Niven
Hollywood wanted to change my birthdate. I was born after Valentine's Day, so they wanted to change it to February 14. A Latin lover should be born on Valentine's Day. I said no. - Cesar Romero
I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon. - Unknown
Valentine's Day is when stores and restaurants get rich, men get lucky, and women fill their pretty faces with chocolate and put up with their man for six seconds at the end of the night. - Unknown
Relationship & Valentine Sections
Happy vOWLentine’s Day
Unreasonable & Unappreciative Wife
Valentine’s Day Quotes by Milton Berle
Valentine’s Day Trivia
Redneck Turkey Shoot
Camel Herders of the 21st Century
Redneck Palm Pilot
Turkey Day Selfie
Thanksgiving Harvest Time
Turkey Wants You To Eat Pork
Going Cold Turkey
Run, Turkey, Run
Turkey Weather Forecast