Newleywed Sock Swallower

Apprehension about smelly feet


A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.

The groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice.
“Father,” he said, “I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage.”
His father replied, “Don’t you love this girl?”
“Oh yes, very much,” he said,“ but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I’m afraid that my fiance will be put off by them.”

“No problem,” said dad, “all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed.”

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom.
“Mom,” she said, “when I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful.”
“Honey,” her mother consoled, “everyone has bad breath in the morning.”
“No, you don’t understand. My morning breath is so bad, I’m afraid that my fiance will not want to sleep in the same room with me.”

Her mother said simply, “Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While he is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you’ve brushed your teeth.”

“I shouldn’t say good morning or anything?” the daughter asked.
“Not a word,” her mother affirmed.

The loving couple was finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, she asks, “What on earth are you doing?”

“Oh, my,” he replies, “you’ve swallowed my sock!”


QuotaBills
I've seen better fights at a wedding. - Harry Redknapp

Always say no, and you will never by married. - French Proverb

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. - Georg C. Lichtenberg

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen

In married life three is company and two is none. - Oscar Wilde

My socks DO match. They're the same thickness. - Steven Wright

Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges

In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. - Rita Rudner

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Unknown

Before you marry keep both eyes open; after marriage shut one. - Jamaican Proverb

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. - Sam Kinison

Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp

It is after you have lost your teeth that you can afford to buy steaks. - Pierre Renoir

If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer

You don't have to brush your teeth - just the ones you want to keep. - Unknown

I've been married so long I'm on my third bottle of Tabasco sauce. - Susan Vass

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone. - Steven Wright

If I'm traveling, I'll pack socks in my bag - really cute furry ones. - Nicki Minaj

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown

A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. - John Steinbeck

I still have my teeth. I don't want to lose them at age 61 in some hockey game. - Jim Flaherty

A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more than he can chew. - Herb Caen

A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno

It is guaranteed to put all teeth on edge, including George Washington's, wherever they might be. - Vincent Canby

I live at the dentist's. I'm on my third set of teeth that they put in with nails and screws. - Charles N. Reilly

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. - Mark Twain

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

If your cousin Maude says one wrong word to me, we're gonna be leaving before the bride takes the shower. - Archie Bunker

Marriage is like a beleaguered fortress: those who are outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out. - French Proverb

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. - Paul Sweeney

Getting married is easy. Staying married is more difficult. Staying happily married for a lifetime should rank among the fine arts. - Roberta Flack

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller

Fraud in business is no different from infidelity in marriage or plagiarism in scholarly work. Even people committed to high moral standards succumb. - Miroslav Volf


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21-May-2019