HAGS Disease

How to handle communicable diseases


A man goes into the Doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the Doctor calls him into his office and says, “I have some bad news. You have HAGS.”

“What is HAGS?” the man asks.

“It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis,” says the Doctor.

“Oh no!” says the man. “What are you going to do?”

“We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza.”

“Is that going to help me,” says the man.

“No,” says the Doctor. “But it’s the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door.”


QuotaBills
Laughter is the best medicine. - Joe-kster

Love is a grave mental disease. - Plato

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

Three out of four doctors recommend another doctor. - Graffito

Nursing would be a dream job if there were no doctors. - Gerhard Kocher

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

The last mosquito that bit me had to check into the Betty Ford clinic. - Joanna Lumley

No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated by any other means. - Maimonides

When a lot of remedies are suggested for a disease, that means it cannot be cured. - Anton Chekhov

Roses are red, Pizza sauce is too, I ordered a large, and None of it is for you. - Unknown

I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for. - James H. Boren

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but the feeling of being unwanted. - Mother Teresa

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. - WC Fields

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

Viewed from the summit of reason, all life looks like a malignant disease and the world like a madhouse. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Let's be frank, the Italians' technological contribution to humankind stopped with the pizza oven. - Bill Bryson

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

I don't really drink sodas, but when I have popcorn or pizza I need a little. It's the perfect combination. - Alessandra Ambrosio

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

Alzheimer's disease starts when a protein that should be folded up properly misfolds into a kind of demented origami. - Gregory Petsko

I like to eat pizza and spaghetti pomodoro, and I'm crazy for dessert. I like all of them: cassata, cheesecake, biscuits. - Stefano Gabbana

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

Menopause is thicker than water. When we talk and laugh about it, we learn and relax. It's a life transition, not a disease. - Unknown

Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. - Bill Maher

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. - George Carlin


see also   Doctor  &  Medical  Sections
Do You Have An HMO?
Ebola Diet
Redneck Flu Shot

 

Dog Haircut

Loose Lips Sink Ships

Donkey Refill

Self Portrait for Squirrels

Coin Stacking

Hooking Penalty

Zebra Bus Stop

Best Friend Theft

Chewie, We're Home

Police Rides

Bird Smoker

Hot Mexican Deals

Coffin Escape

African Airlines

Who Let The Dogs Out?

Autographed Copy

Fresh Air Computing

Porpoise Pilots

Sorry Employees

Sidecar
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

20-Oct-2019