Doctor’s Hunting Skills

Sizing up the duck hunting grounds


Five Doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a GP, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist. After a time, a bird came winging overhead.

The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated. “I’m not quite sure it’s a duck,” he said, “I think that I will have to get a second opinion.” And of course by that time, the bird was long gone.

Another bird appeared in the sky. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. “I’ll have to do some more investigations,” he muttered, as the creature made good its escape.

Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey’s identity. “Now, I know it’s a duck, but does it know it’s a duck?” The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma.

Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon’s weapon pointed skywards. BOOM! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him.
“Go see if that was a duck, will you?”


QuotaBills
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard

The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Benjamin Franklin

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel

There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb

A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott

Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined. - Samuel Goldwyn

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E. Leonard

Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in. - B.K. Iyengar

If you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport. - Elayne Boosler

One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

The doctors can cure all sorts of ills, except the shock of doctors' bills. - Unknown

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured. - B.K. Iyengar

Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke

A psychiatrist is a man who goes to Les Folies Bergere and looks at the audience. - Mervyn Stockwood

A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh

People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders

Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams

Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger

Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it. - Groucho Marx

A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

You go to a psychiatrist when you're slightly cracked and keep going until you're completely cracked. - Unknown

The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon. - Eric Ericksen

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. - Tim Vine

Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather

Recommending gastric bypass as a national solution for our diabetes epidemic is bad medicine and bad economics. - Mark Hyman

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham

A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

The only weapon with which the unconscious patient can immediately retaliate upon the incompetent surgeon is hemorrhage. - William Stewart Halsted

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown

Science may have found a cure for most evils, but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all - the apathy of human beings. - Helen Keller

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon

A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is a man who collects the rent. - Lord Webb-Johnson

If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. - George S Patton

Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros


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26-May-2019