Tonto’s Horse Coolant

The Lone Ranger rides again


The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, “Who owns the big white horse outside?”

The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, “I do - Why?”
The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, “I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is about dead outside!”

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough Silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, “Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better.”

Tonto said, “Sure, Kemosabe” and took off running circles around Silver.
Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.

A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, “Who owns that big white horse outside?”
The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, “I do - what’s wrong with him this time?”

The cowboy looks him in the eye and says, “Nothin’, but you left your Injun running.”


QuotaBills
Horse ovaries (hors d'oeuvres) - Archie Bunker

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

Care, and not fine stables, makes a good horse. - Danish Proverb

You're a bartender, y'aint a mortrician. - Archie Bunker

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. - Groucho Marx

I'm Irish and Cherokee Indian. I can't faint. - Lynn Collins

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

Life is like a horse - either you ride it or it rides you. - Unknown

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

Horse Manure: 50p per pre-packed bag. 20p - do it your self. - Unknown

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong. - Unknown

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him float. - Unknown

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. - English Proverb

The only thing worse than beating a dead horse is betting on one. - Relient K

The wagon rests in winter, the sleigh in summer, the horse never. - Yiddish Proverb

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

All music is folk music. I ain't never heard no horse sing a song. - Louis Armstrong

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. - WC Fields

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse. - Archie Bunker

Take care to sell your horse before he dies. The art of life is passing losses on. - Robert Frost

You've got to concentrate on one idea. You can't ride a horse with two asses. - Joe Segal

The one thing I do not want to be called is First Lady. It sounds like a saddle horse. - Jacqueline Kennedy

When my friends and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker. - Robin Williams

One of the worst things that can happen in life is to win a bet on a horse at an early age. - Danny McGoorty

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. - Woody Allen

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

A definite purpose, like blinders on a horse, inevitably narrows its possessor's point of view. - Robert Frost

Like the old adverb, "you can lead a gift horse to the water but ya can't look in his mouth." - Archie Bunker

Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success. - Dale Carnegie

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

When you're young and you fall off a horse, you may break something. When you're my age and you fall off, you splatter. - Roy Rogers

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian. - Henry Ford

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - the Joe-kster


see also   Country  &  Native Indian  Sections
A Horse’s Ass IS Important
Ascot Fashion Statement
Double Horse
Frog To Horse Illusion
Head Path
Horse Hair
Horse Hat
Horse Laughter
Horse Mane Macrame
Horse Model
Horsing Around
Neigh Be Barn With It
One Horsepower Car
Quarter Horse or Quarterhorse?
Royal Engagement - Prince Charles & Camilla Exclusive
World’s First Horse Power Vehicle

 

Redneck Towing

Walking His Fresh Food Pet

Japanese Tea Bath

Redneck Daycare

Hedge Hunter

Pilot Prop Job

Front To Side View

Moses' USB Tablets

Family Photo

Is Laughter The Best Medicine?

Plastered Wall Plasterer

Waffle Board

Stairway Repair

Cowboy Bubble Bath

Trunk Load

Centennial Puff

Don't Be A Stick In The Mud

Redneck Hitch Attachment

Texas Rims

Window Fall Repair
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

22-Sep-2019