Four Husbands

Interviewing a pun-e 80-year-old lady


The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation.

“He’s a funeral director,” she answered.

“Interesting,” the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20’s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40’s, and a preacher when in her 60’s, and now - in her 80’s - a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.”


QuotaBills
The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - American Saying

I've seen better fights at a wedding. - Harry Redknapp

To marry the Irish is to look for poverty. - J.P. Donleavy

A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. - Margot Asquith

Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. - Gloria Steinem

There is no perfect marriage, for there are no perfect men. - French Proverb

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Unknown

I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad. - Oedipus Rex

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. - Groucho Marx

May my last breath be drawn through a pipe and exhaled in a pun. - Charles Lamb

Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself. - Doug Larson

Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses. - G K Chesterton

I've been married so long I'm on my third bottle of Tabasco sauce. - Susan Vass

Will you marry me? Do you have any money?
Answer the second question first. - Groucho Marx

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. - Grace Hansen

A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming

Marriage is wonderful institution... if, of course, you like living in an institution. - Groucho Marx

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rim shots during the vows. - Sam Kinison

If you meet someone who can cook and do housework, don't hesitate a minute - marry him! - Rita Rudner

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him. - Cher

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

If your cousin Maude says one wrong word to me, we're gonna be leaving before the bride takes the shower. - Archie Bunker

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day. - Mickey Rooney

The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. - Elayne Boosler

The best reason for a knitter to marry is that you can't teach the cat to be impressed when you finish a lace scarf. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

Fraud in business is no different from infidelity in marriage or plagiarism in scholarly work. Even people committed to high moral standards succumb. - Miroslav Volf


see also   Marriage  &  pun-e  Sections
3 Stages Of A Man’s Life
4 Stages Of Life
A Woman’s Mind
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Everything Men Know About Women
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Five Stages of a Female’s Life
Flower Shop For Men
GPS Marriage Proposal
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26-Mar-2019