Sober Santa

Don’t drink and drive this Christmas!





Hopefully Santa will have a safe delivery this year

QuotaBills
Write drunk; edit sober. - Ernest Hemingway

Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

I like a wine that fights back. - John Steed

Gin was mother's milk to her. - George Bernard Shaw

Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

Every cask smells of the wine it contains. - Spanish Proverb

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin

When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman

There was a sound in their voices which suggested rum. - Robert Louis Sevenson

It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying

You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini. - Mae West

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Winston Churchill

Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy. - Benjamin Franklin

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

Too much of anything is bad. Too much of good whisky is barely enough. - Mark Twain

Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. - Pope John XXIII

A raise is like a martini: it elevates the spirit, but only temporarily. - Dan Seligman

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. - George Best

The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober. - William Butler Yeats

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

New York champagne - that's a phony label. They don't grow raisins in New York. - Archie Bunker

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks. - George Burns

Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. - Ernest Hemingway

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism. - Carl Jung

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. - Pat Paulsen

You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine; something Brussels Sprouts never do. - P.J. O'Rourke

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. - George G. Byron

Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - the Joe-kster


see also   Christmas  &  Safety  Sections
Alcohol Research
Calculus Drinks
Feeling Inebriated?
Grandma’s Remedies
How Tequila Works
If Alcohol Talked
Red Wine Diet
Redneck Wine Glass
Russian Shot Glass
Scottish Haircut
Sermon On Alcohol
Smirnoff Women
Whiskey Lurks Good
Yoga Stress Relief

 

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23-Sep-2019