‘Twas the night before Christmas in Texas, you bet,
But no one’d seen Santa; he hadn’t come yet.
The chaps were all hung up, the boots neatly shined,
While out on the plains a right tough windstorm whined.
And Santa was in it, with reindeer and sleigh,
He’d blown in from Brownsville, down Mexico way.
He was squinting from dust and his beard had turned brown,
The reindeer were squealing; the sleigh sinking down,
Till it lurched to a stop near the hills at Big Bend.
Santa said, “Here we’ll wait for this dust storm to end.
The sleigh’s overloaded with great Texas toys.
It’s too hard to steer in the dust and the noise!”
Now the problem was time; he had Texas to cross,
And the night passing fast. Should he get him a hoss?
But no horse was nearby; only longhorns around.
“I don’t trust ’em,” says Rudolph, a pawin’ the ground.
So they huddled to ponder just what could be done
To deliver those toys for the kids Christmas fun.
Things were downright disgusting, when suddenly came
A small Texas voice calling Santa by name...
“Howdy Santa! Ah’ll help! Ah know just where tuh go,
The way tuh the great Texas Rangers ah’ll show.
They kin do it, ah know,” chirped the odd little fellow.
“Well, by jiminey,” says Rudolph, “it’s a real armadillo.”
With the leader, the team quickly moved north by east,
Left the dust storm in Abilene- what a relief!
All the Rangers were called and they split up that load,
And giving a whoop, all directions they rode!
San Antonio children all sleeping just so
Heard, “Y’all have a good one! 'Member the Alamo!' ”
Now Santa could fly; there was no time to waste
On toward Dallas and Houston the sleigh sped with haste.
Heard the band still performing at Billy Bob’s bar,
And dropped ten-gallon hats and new boots at the door.
He swept into Dallas, now feeling quite jolly,
On Pegasus’ neck placed a small wreath of holly.
He rounded Reunion Tower headed toward Irving,
To visit the Cowboys- there’s none more deserving!
Dropped a big load of footballs, bid the skyline goodbye.
“Seasons Greetings,” he called, and turned south on the fly.
All the oil towers were lighted; the air seemed alive
As he headed for Houston on I-45.
At the Astrodome, someone had left him a treat -
Fresh barbecue, chili, and nachos to eat!
“Oh, how I love Texas!” Santa sang with high cheer,
As he passed Neiman Marcus drinking Lone Star “root” beer.
His huge load of toys got dropped off, one by one.
To each sleeping child and his dad and his mum.
Then headed toward Beaumont, the whole team took flight
“Merry Christmas to Texas! and to all a Goodnight!”
Texas Night Before Christmas
Aussie Night Before Christmas
Aviator’s Night Before Christmas
Big Texas Rattlesnake
Biker’s Night Before Christmas
Bronx Night Before Christmas
Contract Spec Writer’s Night Before Christmas
Dieter’s Night Before Christmas
Genealogist’s Night Before Christmas
Ghetto Night Before Christmas
Hanukkah Night Before Christmas
Italian Night Before Christmas
Jewish-Chinese Night before Christmas
Legal Speak Night Before Christmas
Moving Day in Texas
Networkologist’s Night Before Christmas
Politically Correct Night Before Christmas
Redneck Night Before Christmas
Room Service in a Texas Hotel
Scientist’s Night Before Christmas
Shopping In Texas
Spanish Night Before Christmas
Star Trek ‘Next Generation’ Night Before Christmas
Star Wars Christmas
Survivor – Texas Style
Texas Chili Taster
Texas Easter Bunny
Texas Hunting Vehicle
Texas Motorcycle Seat
Texas Speed Camera
‘Twas the Internet Night Before Christmas
‘Twas the Night Before Christmas
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Middle East Airlines
Soup Of The Day
Guard Dog Security - How Fast Can You Run?
Redneck Motorcycle Hunter
Pi Number Pie
Power Strip Liberators
Interpretation Of The 2012 Presidential Debate
Voted #1 Humor Site