Sour Pharmacist

What doesn’t cure you ales you


Seamus went into a pharmacy in Dublin. He reached into his jacket pocket and took out a bottle of Irish whiskey and a teaspoon.

Seamus proceeded to pour some of the amber liquid into the teaspoon and offered it to the pharmacist.

“Could you taste this for me, please?” asked Seamus.

The pharmacist took the teaspoon into his mouth, swilled the liquid around and swallowed it.

“Does that taste sweet to you?”, says Seamus.

“No, not at all,” says the pharmacist.

“Oh, that’s a relief,” says Seamus. “Doctor Flannigan told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar.”




QuotaBills
Anatomy is destiny. - Sigmund Freud

The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil

Pain will leave you, when you let go. - Jeremy Aldana

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. - Haruki Murakami

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully. - Max Eastman

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain. - WC Fields

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. - Groucho Marx

Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting? - WC Fields

Whether a person is a male or female, a nurse is a nurse. - Gary Veale

It is easy to stand a pain, but difficult to stand an itch. - Chang Ch'ao

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea. - Walter Bagehot

Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love. - Sophocles

Out of suffering comes creativity. You cannot spell painting without pain. - John Lithgow

One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke

You purchase pain with all that joy can give and die of nothing but a rage to live. - Alexander Pope

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain

There are two ways you can get through pain. You can let it destroy you, or you can use it as fuel to drive you: to dream bigger, to work harder. - Taylor Swift

Mysterious love, uncertain treasure, hast thou more of pain or pleasure! Endless torments dwell about thee: Yet who would live, and live without thee! - Joseph Addison


see also   Medical  Section
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17-Jul-2019