Great Crab Day

Fishing for a better relationship


The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

“We’re sorry, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your missing wife,” said one of the troopers.

“Tell me! Did you find her?” Wilkens asked with concern.

The troopers looked at each other and then one of them said, “We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”

Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, “Give me the bad news first.”

The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay.”

“Oh no!” exclaimed Wilkens.

Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”

The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”

The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”


When Alaska State Troopers bring you good and bad news

QuotaBills
Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen

Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life. - Charles M. Schulz

Love is a fair garden, and marriage a field of nettles. - Finnish Proverb

My wife and I were happy for twenty years... then we met. - Rodney Dangerfield

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde

There is no perfect marriage, for there are no perfect men. - French Proverb

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Unknown

I give unto my wife my second best bed, with the furniture. - William Shakespeare

The antiques my wife buys at auctions are keeping me baroque. - Peter De Vries

Before you marry keep both eyes open; after marriage shut one. - Jamaican Proverb

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Sigmund Freud

My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman

A fishing rod is a stick with a hook at one end and a fool at the other. - Samuel Johnson

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. - Oscar Wilde

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. - John Steinbeck

Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. - Jimmy Carter

Marriage is wonderful institution... if, of course, you like living in an institution. - Groucho Marx

I went fishing with Rod Ewert. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. - Steven Wright

There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot. - Steven Wright

It was partially my fault that we got divorced. I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. - Woody Allen

I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they are on the same side. - Zig Ziglar

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

A wise man will never tell his wife to keep quiet. He will tell her she looks beautiful with her mouth closed. - Unknown

The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton

My wife simply quoted, 'For better or worse.' It was only then that I realized the phrase was not multiple-choice. - Michael Gurnow

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in eight hours of TV a day. - Homer Simpson

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop. - Winston Churchill

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx


see also   Fishing,  Marriage,  Police,  Relationship  &  Stress  Sections
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23-Sep-2019