Italian Grandma’s Advice

How not to disgraza the family

Preparing for the first date


A young Italian girl was going on a date.

Her Nonna said, “Sita here ana letame tella you about this-a younga boy. He’s agonna try ana kiss you, you are agonna likea dat, but don’t let him do dat.

He’s agonna try ana kiss your breasts, you are agonna likeadat too, but don’ta let him do dat eeda.

But mosta important, he’s agonna try ana lay on topa you, you are agonna really likea dat, but don’ta let him do dat for sure.

Doing thata willa disgraza our family.”

With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date.

The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had predicted. “And Nonna, I didn’t let him disgrace our family as you said. When he tried to lay on top of me, I just rolled him over, got on top of him, and disgraced HIS family!”

Nonna fainted...


QuotaBills
Italy is a geographical expression. - Prince Metternich

BANG - A four-letter Italian word for good-bye. - Archie Bunker

Imported from a little town in Italy... Fresno. - Archie Bunker

The scandal of Christendom and a disgrace to you. - Catherine of Aragon

Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient. - Milton Berle

That's the formaldehyde. That's why Granny's so well-preserved. - Robin Williams

Italy is the home of art and swindling; home of religion and moral rottenness. - Mark Twain

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

My favourite place to eat is my grandma's kitchen. She makes a mean crab cake. - Karlie Kloss

To God I speak Spanish, to women Italian, to men French, and to my horse - German. - Emperor Charles V

That's how ya got your Chinatown, your Harlems, your Little Italy... all them grettos. - Archie Bunker

The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later, you're hungry again. - George Miller

Italy, and the spring and first love all together should suffice to make the gloomiest person happy. - Bertrand Russell

I'm Irish on St. Patrick's Day. I'm Italian on Columbus Day. I'm a New Yorker every day. - Tamara Tunie

One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace, good people don't go into government. - Donald Trump

Mexican, Mediterranean, Italian, sushi, I love it all. Put it on a plate, and as long as I know what it is, I will eat it. - Camren Bicondova

Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. - Ronald Reagan

You know that ISIS wants to go in and take over the Vatican? You have heard that. You know, that's a dream of theirs, to go into Italy. - Donald Trump

Blind dates are treacherous. You don't know who this person is. You wonder, "Should I call my grandma during coffee to get out of this?" - Alan Alda


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23-Sep-2019