Rooster Retirement

Reaching KFC Heaven


A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster. The farmer puts the rooster straight in the pen so he can get down to business with the chickens.

The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says “OK, old fellow, time to retire.”

The old rooster says, “You can’t handle all these chickens... look at what it did to me!”

The young rooster replies, “Now, don’t give me a hassle about this. Time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a hike.”

The old rooster says, “Aw, c’mon… just let me have the two old hens in the corner. I won’t bother you,”

The young rooster says, “Scram! Beat it! You’re washed up! I’m taking over!”

So, the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster, “I’ll tell you what, young fellow, I’ll have a race with you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken coop. And if I’m so feeble, why not give me a little head start?”

The young rooster says, “Sure, why not, you know I’ll still beat you,”

They line up in back of the farmhouse, get a chicken to cluck “Go!” and the old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster is only about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what’s going on, grabs his shotgun and BOOM! - he blows the young rooster to KFC heaven.

He shakes his head gloomily and says “Son of a gun... third gay rooster I bought this week!”




QuotaBills
Farmers are the salt of the earth. - Unknown

Happiness is a habit - cultivate it. - Elbert Hubbard

Friccastewing a chicken on the hotplate - Archie Bunker

Cursing the weather is never good farming. - English Proverb

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump. - Unknown

Maybe I should just go home and ride my tractor. - Chuck Grassley

Do not count your chickens before they are hatched. - Aesop

Appropriate rules cultivate a disciplined character. - Bill Welker

No farmer ever plowed a field by turning it over in his mind. - George E. Woodbury

I drove a tractor almost as soon as I could reach the pedals. - Sheri L. Dew

Writing is conscience, scruple, and the farming of our ancestors. - Edward Dahlberg

Traveling through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, farm boy. - Han Solo

We better not, ya know, kill our chickens before they cross the road. - Archie Bunker

If you want chicken soup, you've got to put a chicken in the pot. - Joe Segal

Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. - Thomas Jefferson

It was so windy that one of our chickens laid the same egg four times. - Unknown

Work and pray, live on hay, you'll get pie in the sky when you die. - Joe Hill

We seem to want one vehicle to carry people and soccer balls and hay bales. - Franz von Holzhausen

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?" - Steven Wright

I used to practice my speeches on my tractor while I plowed my daddy's field. - Jim Hunt

I love my squirrel and dumplings, but you can make it with chicken and dumplings. - Kay Robertson

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens? - Seymour Cray

Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what farmers have been doing all along. - Unknown

If a farmer fills his barn with grain, he gets mice; if he leaves it empty, he gets actors. - Bill Vaughan

I unfortunately still crave chicken McNuggets and bacon, which is the meat candy of the world. - Katy Perry

Cajun is country food by farmers and fisherman that arrived in Louisiana from Acadiana, Canada. - Paul Prudhomme

The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it. - Ellen Glasgow

The first farmer was the first man, and all historic nobility rests on possession and use of land. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor. - Helen Rowland

I'm going to the Colonel next. I'm gonna get a big bucket of chicken chests and smashed potatoes. - Archie Bunker

Farming looks mighty easy when your plow is a pencil and you're a thousand miles from the corn field. - Dwight D Eisenhower

I'm a farm boy. If we need five people to haul in hay, we don't take one and just work them to death. - Lincoln Davis

I'm working on a second cookbook and am working on my love story, 'Black Heels to Tractor Wheels.' - Ree Drummond

I spend hours mowing the lawn in absolutely straight lines on my tractor. If it's not right, I do it again. - Britt Ekland

Bruce Lee's fast pace, Jet Li's pretty style and Jet Li's acrobatics combine with Muay Thai for my own style. - Tony Jaa

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

The only difference between a pigeon and the American farmer today is that a pigeon can still make a deposit on a John Deere. - Jim Hightower

He who learns the rules of wisdom without conforming to them in his life is like a man who plows in his field but does not sow. - Saadi

A rooster crows only when it sees the light. Put him in the dark and he'll never crow. I have seen the light and I'm crowing. - Muhammad Ali

It's life, isn't it? You plow ahead and make a hit. And you plow on and someone passes you. Then someone passes them. Time levels. - Katharine Hepburn


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Prize Rooster
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23-Sep-2019