The Stress Diet

Coping with constant stress


This diet is designed to help you cope with constant stress ...

BREAKFAST
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast, dry
8 oz skimmed milk

LUNCH
4 oz lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie

MID AFTERNOON SNACK
rest of the Oreos in the package
2 pints of rocky road ice cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce
nuts, cherries, whipped cream

DINNER
2 loaves garlic bread with cheese
large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
3 milky way candy bars

LATE EVENING SNACK
Entire frozen cheesecake, eaten directly from freezer

RULES FOR THIS DIET
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories;
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda;
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you don’t eat more than they do;
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as brandy, hot chocolate and Sara Lee cheesecake;
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner;
6. Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel;
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories - the process of breaking causes calorie leakage;
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are: peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae;
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: Spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color;
10. Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies and popsicles.




QuotaBills
Stress makes you stupid. - Unknown

The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Laughter is by definition healthy. - Doris Lessing

Diets are mainly food for thought. - N Wylie Jones

Americans like fat books and thin women. - Russell Baker

You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish. - Jerry Seinfeld

Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet

Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch. - Andy Rooney

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

Thin people are beautiful, but fat people are adorable. - Jackie Gleason

Stress should be a powerful driving force, not an obstacle. - Bob Phillips

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

Desperation is a fellow shaving before stepping on the scales. - Unknown

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

I find there is only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. - Rodney Dangerfield

'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'. - Dave Barry

My metabolism stinks. I can gain weight just listening to dinner music. - Ron Dentinger

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. - William James

Logic is the hygiene the mathematician practices to keep his ideas healthy and strong. - Hermann Weyl

Stress exacerbates any problem, whether it's diabetes, heart trouble, MS, or whatever. - Mary Ann Mobley

Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard

Life, if you're fat, is a minefield - you have to pick your way, otherwise you blow up. - Miriam Margolyes

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. - Jackie Gleason

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said, "Cigarettes contain fat." - Dave Barry

Nobody can fail to lose weight in the jungle, unless they've got a secret stash of pork pies somewhere. - Colin Baker

Art is made to disturb. Science reassures. There is only one valuable thin in art: the thing you cannot explain. - Georges Braque

In neighborhoods without a usable park or playground, the incidence of childhood obesity increases by 29 percent. - Darell Hammond

Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes. - Bob Thaves

Nobody ever wrote down a plan to be broke, fat, lazy, or stupid. Those things are what happen when you don't have a plan. - Larry Winget

I cannot but bless the memory of Julius Caesar, for the great esteem he expressed for fat men; and his aversion to lean ones. - David Hume

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon


see also   Food  Section
A Balanced Diet
Balanced Diet
Balanced Food Delivery
Balanced Meal
Beauty Bag
Bus Wait Weight
Coffee Spoon
Diet Fork
Diet Hard
Diet Pills
Diet Silverware
Diet Spoon
Diet Utensils
Donut Sale
Gin & Tonic Diet
Important Health Information
Jogger’s Weight Scale
Learn To Cook
Milkshake Diet
My New Diet
Obesity Is OK
Reasons to Stop Dieting
Squeegee Clothing
Texas Diet
Vodka Diet
Weight Watchers Bus

 

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26-Apr-2019