The Stress Diet

Coping with constant stress


This diet is designed to help you cope with constant stress ...

BREAKFAST
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast, dry
8 oz skimmed milk

LUNCH
4 oz lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie

MID AFTERNOON SNACK
rest of the Oreos in the package
2 pints of rocky road ice cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce
nuts, cherries, whipped cream

DINNER
2 loaves garlic bread with cheese
large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
3 milky way candy bars

LATE EVENING SNACK
Entire frozen cheesecake, eaten directly from freezer

RULES FOR THIS DIET
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories;
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda;
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you don’t eat more than they do;
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as brandy, hot chocolate and Sara Lee cheesecake;
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner;
6. Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel;
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories - the process of breaking causes calorie leakage;
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are: peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae;
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: Spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color;
10. Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies and popsicles.




QuotaBills
Stress makes you stupid. - Unknown

Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

Smoking cures weight problems... eventually. - Steven Wright

Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie. - David Mamet

Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy. - Groucho Marx

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet. - Unknown

A fit, healthy body - that is the best fashion statement. - Jess C. Scott

Information is pretty thin stuff unless mixed with experience. - Clarence Day

Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans

I don't diet, I just don't eat as much as I'd like to. - Linda Evangelista

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

I find there is only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. - Rodney Dangerfield

Stress is an important dragon to slay - or at least tame - in your life. - Marilu Henner

Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness. - Richard Carlson

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. - Totie Fields

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf. - Gene Perret

You can't lose weight by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut. - Old Farmer's Almanac

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

To live is like to love - all reason is against it, and all healthy instinct for it. - Samuel Butler

I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. - William James

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger

He hath eaten me out of house and home; he hath put all my substance into that fat belly of his. - William Shakespeare

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West

Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them. - Brendan Francis

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience. - John Updike

Art is made to disturb. Science reassures. There is only one valuable thin in art: the thing you cannot explain. - Georges Braque

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

I cannot but bless the memory of Julius Caesar, for the great esteem he expressed for fat men; and his aversion to lean ones. - David Hume

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

In soap, fatty acids made from boiling pork bone fat are used as a hardening agent, but also for giving it a pearl-like effect. - Christien Meindertsma

Keep your sense of humor. There's enough stress in the rest of your life to let bad shots ruin a game you're supposed to enjoy. - Amy Alcott

Thank you... fat dude with giant headphones on the subway, for looking like what would've happened if Jabba the Hutt mated with Princess Leia. - Jimmy Fallon

The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. - Edward I Kock


see also   Food  Section
A Balanced Diet
Balanced Diet
Balanced Food Delivery
Balanced Meal
Beauty Bag
Bus Wait Weight
Coffee Spoon
Diet Fork
Diet Hard
Diet Pills
Diet Silverware
Diet Spoon
Diet Utensils
Donut Sale
Gin & Tonic Diet
Important Health Information
Jogger’s Weight Scale
Learn To Cook
Milkshake Diet
My New Diet
Obesity Is OK
Reasons to Stop Dieting
Squeegee Clothing
Texas Diet
Vodka Diet
Weight Watchers Bus

 

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11-Nov-2019