It’s great to
be a Man - Because:
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So, notice anything different?”
One mood, ALL the damn time.
And don’t forget...... Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
You never feel the need to wash your underwear out simply because they are slightly soiled. Just throw them in the dirty clothes with everything else.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: “He must be mad at me.”
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
Chocolate never faileth. - Annette Lyon
I'm not aging, I'm marinating. - Unknown
It's never too late for chocolate. - Unknown
I owe it all to little chocolate doughnuts. - John Belushi
I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown
Chocolate is what I love. I have it every day. - Jennifer Hudson
Anything is good if it's made of chocolate. - Jo Brand
We have chocolate in common - that's enough. - Rachel Hollis
It does seem like the chocolate brings good luck. - Lauren Oliver
In the cookie of life, friends are chocolate chips. - Salman Rushdie
Things are getting worse. Please send more chocolate. - Unknown
Man can not live on chocolate alone.... but women can. - Unknown
To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am. - Bernard Baruch
If there's no chocolate in Heaven, I'm not going. - Jane Seabrook
Life without books, chocolate and coffee is just useless. - Nadun Lokuliyanage
Coffee and chocolate - the inventor of mocha should be sainted. - Cherise Sinclair
I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown
Nine out of ten people like chocolate. The tenth person always lies. - Unknown
Man fools himself. He prays for a long life, and he fears an old age. - Chinese Proverb
Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores
Chocolate is something you take for granted until you don't have any. - Marja McGraw
Chocolate is cheaper than therapy, and you don't need an appointment. - Unknown
I suppose real old age begins when one looks backward rather than forward. - May Sarton
A nice creamy chocolate cake does a lot for a lot of people; it does for me. - Audrey Hepburn
The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible. - Judith Regan
Moderation, honey, in all things but love and chocolate. That's my motto. - Barbara Bretton
If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly. - Unknown
Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too. - Lionel Kauffman
Happiness. Simple as a glass of chocolate or tortuous as the heart. Bitter Sweet. Alive. - Joanne Harris
The greatest tragedies were written by the Greeks and Shakespeare... neither knew chocolate. - Sandra Boynton
Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard, there is nothing you can do. - Golda Meir
I do not think there is any silver bullet to solving the technology side of the security equation. - John W. Thompson
Chocolate symbolizes, as does no other food, luxury, comfort, sensuality, gratification, and love. - Karl Petzke
Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week. - Maggie Kuhn
You can't reach old age by another man's road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate you. - Mark Twain
I'm grateful that I never was that senior athlete who realized she'd done nothing but train all her life. - Clara Hughes
A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else... even the fact that I'm on a diet. - Barbara Brooke
In the absence of clearly-defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily trivia until ultimately we become enslaved by it. - Robert Heinlein
I'm finally starting to scratch the surface of what women want. And I think the answer lies somewhere between conversation and chocolate. - Mel Gibson
I've got this thing for spicy stuff. Now, if you give me hot chocolate with chili pepper, a book and a bubble bath, I'm a happy girl. - Shiloh Walker
Aging, History & Trivia Sections
2 Carrot Ring
Bluenecks: Revenge of the Rednecks
Redneck Electric Pool
Redneck Estate Sale
Redneck Swing Tree
Redneck Tree Fort
Redneck Water Taps
A Woman’s Mind
Arkansas Divorce Application
Before The Impact
Divorce Is Grand
Everything Men Know About Women
Men To The Left
My Ex-Wife, The Pilot
OCD Ball Pit
The Origin of the White Wedding Dress
Wedding Cake for the Submissive Husband
What Did You Just Say?
Winning An Argument With A Woman
Yoga in Palm Springs
Pigging Out in El Paso
Cutout Coin Silhouettes
Holland Bike Lane - For Pros Only
Twins' First Piano Lesson
Foosball for Girls