Hot Coffee

Spilling the beans in the office

Coffee with special added flavour


A young clerk’s responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the start of every day. Each morning the judge was enraged that the coffee cup arrived two-thirds full. The clerk explained that he had to rush to get the coffee delivered while it was still hot, which caused him to spill much of it along the way.

None of the judge’s yelling and insults produced a full cup of coffee, until he finally threatened to cut the clerk’s pay by one-third if he continued to produce one-third less than the judge wanted.

The next morning he was greeted with a cup of coffee that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that.

The judge couldn’t resist gloating over his success and smugly complimented the clerk on his new technique.

“Oh, there’s not much to it,” admitted the clerk happily, “I take some coffee in my mouth right outside the coffee room, and spit it back in when I get outside your office.”


QuotaBills
Necessity hath no law. - Oliver Cromwell

The law is silent during war. - Cicero

Order is Heaven's first law. - Alexander Pope

Make crime pay. Become a lawyer. - Will Rogers

A morning without coffee is like sleep. - Unknown

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. - Steven Wright

He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides. - Charles Lamb

Compromise is the best and cheapest lawyer. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown

Judge, could I, waddya call, encroach the bench? - Archie Bunker

Lawyers believe a man is innocent until proven broke. - Robin Hall

Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers. - Voltaire

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. - William Shakespeare

Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. - Groucho Marx

I only drink coffee grown in high altitude rain forests. - Rob Dyrdek

Justice is a law of nature rarely found in human affairs. - Unknown

The power of the lawyer is in the uncertainty of the law. - Jeremy Bentham

I've never been in love. I've always been a lawyer. - Unknown

You shall judge a man by his foes as well as by his friends. - Joseph Conrad

Coffee and chocolate - the inventor of mocha should be sainted. - Cherise Sinclair

There is no grievance that is a fit object of redress by mob law. - Abraham Lincoln

I would uphold the law if for no other reason but to protect myself. - Thomas More

Do not judge a man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins. - Native American Proverb

Books should be tried by a judge and jury as though they were crimes. - Samuel Butler

What would life be without coffee? But then, what is it even with coffee? - King Louis XV

The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother. - WC Fields

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant. - Robert Louis Stevenson

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. - Henny Youngman

It's every lawyer's dream to help shape the law, not just react to it. - Alan Dershowitz

The Second Law of Pies: they must be baked, not fried (or boiled, or steamed). - Janet Clarkson

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after. - Anne Morrow Lindbergh

To make laws that man cannot, and will not obey, serves to bring all law into contempt. - Elizabeth C Stanton

My husband and I had our best sex during our divorce. It was like cheating on our lawyers. - Priscilla Lopez

If a man dies and leaves his estate in an uncertain condition, the lawyers become his heirs. - Edgar Watson Howe

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

Law enforcement cannot succeed without the sustained, and informed, interest of all citizens. - Lyndon B Johnson

If two friends ask you to judge a dispute, don't accept, because you will lose one friend. - St. Augustine

We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The doctor sees all the weakness of mankind, the lawyer all the wickedness, the theologian all the stupidity. - Arthur Schopenhauer

There's a lot of fake people in the world, but before you judge them, make sure you're not one of them. - Unknown

I have a huge interest in hockey because I grew up in Canada, where it's kind of the law that you love hockey. - Matthew Perry

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted? - George Carlin

If we judge ourselves only by our aspirations and everyone else only their conduct we shall soon reach a very false conclusion. - Calvin Coolidge

I sometimes wish that people would put a little more emphasis upon the observance of the law than they do upon its enforcement. - Calvin Coolidge

The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said, "Insanity, your honour, who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?" - Steven Wright

There is only one categorical imperative: Act only according to that maxim by which you can at the same time will that it should become universal law. - Immanuel Kant

Blind dates are treacherous. You don't know who this person is. You wonder, "Should I call my grandma during coffee to get out of this?" - Alan Alda


see also   Coffee  &  Judge  Sections
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23-Jul-2019