How To Cook A Turkey

Don’t forget to set the degree to 375 ovens



Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself o pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 16: Turk the carvey
Step 17: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 18: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 19: Bless the saying, pass and eat out



Turkey runs around happy thanksgiving display
QuotaBills
Recipe for a happy husband: Fake and Bake. - Unknown

Eternity is two people and a roast turkey. - James Dent

Here he comes, swelling like a turkey-cock. - William Shakespeare

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

She did not so much cook as assassinate food. - Storm Jameson

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

No duty is more urgent than that of returning thanks. - St. Ambrose

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields

Poultry is for the cook what canvas is for the painter. - Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

I don't even butter my bread. I consider that cooking. - Katherine Cebrian

I'm a terrible cook, but I make very good lobster salad. - Nancy Carell

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal. - Rodney Dangerfield

Cooking certain dishes, like roast pork, reminds me of my mother. - Maya Angelou

I'm a bit of a gourmet chef. I love cooking - mostly Thai food. - Will Ferrell

Wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving. - Unknown

Advice is like cooking - you should try it first before you feed it to others. - Unknown

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. - Julia Child

The turkey is living proof that an animal can survive with no intelligence at all. - Harvey D. Comstock

Thanks you for being a part of my life, whether you were a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime. - Unknown

If you meet someone who can cook and do housework, don't hesitate a minute - marry him! - Rita Rudner

I love Thanksgiving turkey - it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield

Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving. - W.T. Purkiser

Breakfast is my favorite meal. I cook a big one for everyone - bacon and eggs. I own a lot of eggcups. - Emily Mortimer

Your majesty, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and Madame Houde thanks you from her bottom too. - Camillein Houde

In the words of Harry S. Truman, "If it's too hot in the kitchen, stay away from the cook." - Archie Bunker

Once you have mastered a technique, you hardly need look at a recipe again, and can take off on your own. - Julia Child

I refuse to believe that trading recipes is silly. Tuna-fish casserole is at least as real as corporate stock. - Barbara Harrison

What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you. - Nora Ephron

The wonderful world of home appliances now makes it possible to cook indoors with charcoal and outdoors with gas. - Bill Vaughan

No matter what the recipe, any baker can do wonders in the kitchen with some good ingredients and an upbeat attitude. - Buddy Valastro

The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned now to cook. - Andy Rooney

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

I love spaghetti. And I like to cook spaghetti. And I used to eat it every day. I weighed thirty pounds more than I do now. - Christopher Walken

An expert is like the bottom of a double boiler. It shoots off a lot of steam, but it never really knows what's cooking. - Unknown

At the age of six I wanted to be a cook. At seven I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since. - Salvador Dali

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen." - Unknown

There is one thing more exasperating than a spouse who can cook and won't... and that's a spouse who can't cook and will. - Unknown

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing. - George Carlin


see also   Food  &  Turkey  Sections
Going Cold Turkey
Grandma’s Beautiful Pies
Happy Thanksgiving, Y’all!
Ode To A Turkey
Redneck Thanksgiving
Redneck Turkey Shoot
Run, Turkey, Run!
Thanksgiving Harvest Time
Too Much Turkey
Turkey Recipe
Turkey Weather Forecast
’Twas The Night Before Thanksgiving

 

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18-Jan-2019