joe-ks.com



Kid's Laughter
Joe-ks for Kids at home and at school...
You're Kid'n me, right?

Distinct: How a child says something smelled bad.

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(click on the thumbnail images below to expand to full size)
Hiding Horse

Hide & Seek

Cats and Backpacks

Dear Abbey

Toy Recall

Wine Gum Lamp

Tike Trike for a Fast Baby

Chair Boy

Baby Suit

Colour Car

The Joe-kster's Dentist

Kid Kars

Stick Humour



Q: What kind of socks do firefighters wear?
A:
Fire hose.

Q: What's a magician's favourite nursery rhyme?
A: Trickery, dickory, dock
.

Q: What is a canary's favourite snack?
A:
Potato chirps.

Q: What do you call a king's sore throat?
A: A royal pain in the neck
.

Q: When they win a hockey game, what do the Phoenix Coyotes give their opponents?
A:
Crying T'howls.

Q: What do you call a greasy pachyderm?
A: An oily-phant
.

Q: What reptile can you find in a clogged drain?
A: A plumber's snake
.

Q: What did Cinderella's pet seal wear to the ball?
A: A glass flipper
.

Q: Why did the blue jay get a perm?
A: Because the curly bird catches the worm
.

Q: Where do cats invest their money?
A:
In the stalk market.

Q: How did the robber get caught at the art gallery?
A: He was framed
.

Q: Why did the disk drive become a professional goalie?
A:
It kept making great saves.

Q: What do you call a woman with a sheep on her head?
A:
Baa-baa-rah.

Q: Why do dragons sleep all day?
A:
So they can fly knights.

Q: What type of books do baby deer enjoy?
A: Fawntasies
.

Q: Did you hear about the skunk who made big donations to the Church?
A:
It was given its own pew.

Q: During which school period do cars get put together?
A:
Assembly.

Q: Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
A:
No body.

Q: What music do wasps and yellowjackets listen to?
A:
Bee-thoven.

Q: Did you hear the one about the woman who discovered the secret to eternal youth?
A: She lies about her age
.

Q: Why couldn't the bell keep a secret?
A:
It always toiled.

Q: What do you call stolen candy?
A:
Hot chocolate.

Q: Do cats get angry?
A: Yes, they get fur-ious
.

Q: What resource do fish use for school reports?
A: The fin-ternet
.

Q: Where do you keep a professional pet fish?
A:
In a goldfish pro bowl.

Q: Does a roller coaster like its work?
A:
It has its ups and downs.

Q: What did the baker think of the funny joe-k?
A: He got a rise out of it
.

Q: Where do wolves go to become stars?
A: Howliewood
.

Q: Did you hear about the ice that lost its job?
A: It was crushed
.

Q: Where does Draula water ski?
A:
On Lake Erie.

Q: What do you get if you cross a fishing rod with Batman?
A:
A reel superhero.

Q: How can you recognize a dogwood tree?
A:
By its bark.

Q: Why didn't the girl mouse like the boy mouse?
A: They just didn't click
.

Q: Why did the young woman take the job at the glue factory?
A:
It was fast paste.

Q: What did the milkmaid say to the anxious butter?
A: You'll have to wait your churn.”

Q: What happened to the rhubarb thief?
A:
He was taken into custardy.

Q: What kind of dance do buns do?
A:
Abundance.

Q: What trees do ghouls like best?
A: Ceme-trees
.

Q: What did one rock pool say to the other?

Q: Why did Harry Potter attach a camcorder to his Nimbus 2000?
A: He wanted a broom with a view
.

Q: What four letters of the alphabet mean it's time to go to the dentist?
A:
ICDK.

Q: What is a tie's favourite Shakespearean quote?
A: To be or knot to be.”

Q: Why didn't the skeleton eat the food at restaurant?
A:
Because he didn't have the stomach for it.

Q: Why did the diver wash the reef?
A: He was practicing good coral hygiene
.

Q: What do you call a mosquito riding on your arm?
A:
An itch-hiker.

Q: What's big and gray and lives underwater?
A: An eelephant
.

Q: What do you call a man who laughs at his boss's joe-ks?
A: A man who might not have a sense of humour, but sure has a sense of direction
.

Q: What comes in a tupperware container and rings bells in a French cathedral?
A:
The lunchpack of Notre Dame.

Q: How do you kiss a hockey player?
A: You pucker up
.

Q: What do you give an injured lemon?
A:
Lemonaid.

Q: What exam does an exterminator have to take?
A: A pest test
.

Q: What does a hungry modem snack on?
A: Microchips
.

Q: What do you call a 100-year-old cheerleader?
A:
Old Yeller.

Q: Who are the cleanest opera singers?
A:
Soap-ranos.

Q: How did the tractor get his son a job on the farm?
A:
He had some pull.

Q: How can you tell when a cat has been using your computer?
A: The mouse pad is all chewed up
.

Q: What pen does a baby write with?
A:
A play pen.

Q: What do you say to introduce a hamburger?
A:
Meat Patty.”

Q: What is a sailor's favourite sandwich?
A:
A sub.

Q: What is a pirate's favourite fast food?
A: Pizzas of eight
.

Q: What do you call a teacher who makes numbers disappear?
A: A mathemagician.

Q: What does the Invisible Man call his mother and father?
A:
His transparents.

Q: What do spiders eat with their burgers?
A:
French flies.

Q: What do the Green Giant's hens lay?
A: Eggplants
.

Q: Where is Timbuktu?
A: Between Timbuk-one and Timbuk-three
.

Q: Which sports channel does a poultry farmer watch?
A:
ESP-Hen.

Q: What's a good name for a foot?
A: Arch-ie
.

Q: What do you call a croissant on roller skates?
A: Breakfast to go
.

Q: Who looks through your window and never wants to grow up?
A:
Peeper Pan.

Q: How do you find King Arthur in the dark?
A: With a knight light
.

Q: Why did Little Johnny chase the stinging fish?
A: He wanted to catch some rays
.

Q: Where do you leave your dog when you go shopping?
A: In the barking lot
.

Q: What's the difference between one yard and two yards?
A: Usually a fence
.

Q: Where does a squid sleep when he camps?
A:
In a tentacle.

Q: If you found a $20 bill in every pocket of your coat, what would you have?
A:
Someone else's coat.

Q: Why did the stag wear braces?
A:
He had buck teeth.

Q: Which animal won the basketball game?
A: The porcupine because it had the most points
.

Q: What fruit kept best in Noah's ark?
A: The preserved pears (pairs)
.

Q: What breakfast cereal would you get if you crossed a cow with a baby's diaper?
A: Cream of Wet
.

Q: What did one potato chip say to the other?
A: Want to go for a dip?”

Q: What do you get when you cross a shellfish and a rabbit?
A: The Oyster Bunny
.

Q: What does an astronaut do when he gets angry?
A: He blasts off
.

Q: What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars?
A:
Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

Q: What do underwater police drive?
A: Squid cars
.

Q: How do you get a cow out of the way?
A:
Just say, Moo-ve.”

Q: Where do baby monsters go when their parents are at work?
A: Day-scare centers
.

Q: Where did the Joe-kster wind up for stealing shellfish?
A:
Small clams court.

Q: What has more letters than the alphabet?
A: The Post Office
.

Q: Why did the girl go to sea?
A: She wanted to meet some buoys
.

Q: What smells and shoots at people?
A: A septic tank
.

Q: Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
A:
Because they don't have any body to go out with.

Q: Why are hogs like trees?
A:
They both root for a living.

Q: Why wasn't the Tsar of Russia good to play chess with?
A:
Because he was a Tsar loser.

Q: What did the skeleton get in Hawaii?
A: A skeletan
.

Q: How is the internet like an overgrown yard?
A: You have to modem both
.

Q: Why are camels hard to see in the desert?
A:
Because they are camel-flaged.

Q: How did the wave feel about hitting the beach?
A: He was fit to be tide
.

Q: Why did the spy spray his room with insect repellant?
A:
Because he thought it was bugged.

Q: How do skeletons call their friends?
A: On the tele-bone
.

Did you hear about the guy who named his car Flattery because it got him nowhere?

Q: Why didn't the lightning bolt go to the storm?
A:
Because it was on strike.

Q: Why were the bees on strike?
A: They wanted shorter flowers and more honey
.

Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A:
Because it's easier than walking.

Q: Why don't you ever see dandruff on a man wearing a toupee?
A:
Because he sweeps it under the rug.

Q: How does a banker start every bedtime story?
A:
Once upon a dime...”

Q: How did the patient get to the hospital so fast?
A: He flu
.

Q: What birds make the most noise?
A:
Whopping cranes.

Q: Why did the cranberry turn red?
A:
It saw the turkey dressing.

Q: What happened to the guy who got his head stuck in a washing machine?
A: He got brainwashed
.

Q: What is a haunted wigwam?
A: A creepy teepee
.

Q: What's an astronaut's favourite drink?
A: Gravi-tea
.

Q: What goes Mooooooz?
A: A jet flying backward
.

Q: Which sea will make you go ape?
A:
The Chimpansea.

Q: Why did the green ogre go to the psychiatrist?
A: He was a nervous Shrek
.

Q: Why was the centipede late for school?
A:
He was playing “This Little Piggy” with his sister.

Q: What are goose bumps for?
A: To keep geese from speeding
.

Q: How did the giant's wife know that Jack was coming?
A: She could hear Hack and the beans talk
.

Q: What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A: A bear-faced lyre
.

Q: What girl can catch jellyfish with her hair?
A: A bru-net
.

Q: What did the girl calendar say to the other girl calendar?
A: I have more dates than you do.”

Q: Why is football popular on Venus?
A:
Because all the houses have Astroturf on their front lawns.

Q: Why did the stringray speak to the diver?
A:
He wanted to have a manta-man talk.

Q: Why did the dog run away from home?
A:
Doggone if I know!”

Q: What Asian food recipe calls for both poultry and a grinch?
A:
Chicken lo Mean.

Q: Why are there no zebras in Scotland?
A: Because stripes clash with plaids
.

Q: What did the pitcher say to the cup?
A: I'll have none of your lip.”

Q: What does a dentist to a hockey team specialize in?
A: Puck teeth
.

Q: What's the difference between an elbow and a rabbit's telephone?
A:
One's a funny bone, and the other is a bunny's phone.

Q: Why did the ocean flood the stadium?
A:
It was doing the wave.

Q: How does a comedian like his eggs?
A:
Funny side up.

Q: Why didn't the computer pass its driving test?
A: It crashed too often
.

Q: Why did the elephant go to the locksmith?
A:
To have his trunk opened.

Q: Why is monastery food so greasy?
A:
It's all cooked by friars.

Q: What kind of nuts does a banker like the best?
A: Cash-ews
.

Q: What's an important aid in good grooming for pet mice?
A: Mouse wash
.

Q: What do you get when you cross a dog and a lion?
A:
A terrified postman.

Q: Did you hear about the computer with the corrupt hard disk?
A:
Its backup was worse than its byte.

Q: What do you call a German in a motorcycle hat?
A:
Helmut.

Q: What kind of ocean bird can't fly, can't swim, and can't catch fish?
A: A peli-can't
.

Q: What sport do turkey chefs play?
A:
Baste-ball.

Q: What happened to the boy who drank eight cans of Coke?
A: He brought 7 Up
.

Q: What do five square meals make?
A:
Round people.

Q: Why don't little fish sleep at night?
A: They're afraid of the shark
.

Q: What is a musician's favourite cereal?
A:
Flute Loops.

Q: What do computer programmers like to eat for breakfast?
A: Ram & eggs
.

Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea?
A:
Because if they lived near the bay, they'd be called bagels.

Q: What did one pencil say to the other?
A:
You're looking sharp.”

Q: What's green and round and goes camping?
A:
A boy sprout.

Q: Where can you find out more about ducks?
A: In the duck-tionary
.

Q: Why is it difficult to keep a secret when you're cold?
A: Because your teeth chatter
.
 

Q: What keeps jazz musicians on earth?
A:
Groovity.

Q: Why did the schoolboy throw a glass of water out the window?
A: He wanted to see a waterfall
.

Q: Where does a broom go when it's tired?
A: It goes to sweep
.

Q: What kind of X-rays do foot Doctors take?
A:
Toot-ographs.

Q: Why can't two elephants go swimming at the same time?
A: Because they only have one pair of trunks
.

Q: Why did the baker sell his bread only to the rich and famous?
A: He wanted to work for the upper crust
.

Q: What's a cowboy's favourite website?
A:
Yahoo!

Q: Why do toadstools grow so close together?
A: They don't need mushroom
.

Q: What beetle comes from outer space?
A:
Bug Rogers.

Q: What would you get if you crossed a crystal ball with a skunk?
A: An animal with a sixth scent
.

Q: What time is it when you sit on a thumb tack?
A: Spring time
.

Q: Where did the rabbit learn to fly?
A:
In the hare force.

Q: When should a doughnut chef quit?
A: When he is tired of the 'hole' business
.

Q: What do moths study at school?
A:
Mothematics.

Q: What did the baby banana say to the mother banana?
A:
I don't peel good.”

Q: What kind of fish goes with peanut butter?
A: Jelly fish
.

Q: How do you say yes to an optometrist?
A:
Eye-eye, sir.”

Q: Why did the ram crash his car?
A: He didn't see the ewe turn
.

Q: Why did the cow jump over the moon?
A: The milkmaid's hands were cold
.

Q: Why were outlaws the strongest men in the Old West?
A:
They could hold up trains.

Confucius say, “Man who eat sweets take up two seats.”

Q: What does a shark use for a barbecue?
A: Sharkoal
.

Q: What sickness can a plane catch?
A:
The flew.

Q: What do you call a super pig who can climb up the sides of buildings?
A:
Spiderham.

Q: What would you get if you crossed Prince Charles with Moby Dick?
A:
The Prince of Whales.

Q: Why couldn't the writer cross the road?
A:
He had authoritis.

Q: What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
A: Spring
.

Q: What is the tip of the iceberg?
A:
10 to 15 percent of the iceberg's bill.

Q: Why is a graveyard noisy?
A: Because of all the coffin
.

Q: What part of a clock is always old?
A:
The second hand.

Q: Why can't it rain for 2 days continually?
A:
Because there's always a night in between.

Q: What did the lightbulb say to the switch?
A: You turn me on.”

Q: What did the DVD say to the radio?
A: You just don't get the picture, do you?”

Q: What animal is best at hitting a baseball?
A: A bat
.

Q: Why did the playground cross the road?
A: To get to the other slide.
 

Q: Why are there no psychiatrists for dogs?
A:
Everyone knows dogs aren't allowed on couches.

Q: Who was Wyatt Burp?
A:
A sheriff with a repeater.

Q: What's a ticklish subject?
A: The study of feathers
.

Q: What illness did everyone on the Enterprise catch?
A:
Chicken Spocks.

Q: What kind of musician can't you trust?
A: Someone who plays the bull fiddle
.

Q: What's a Pilgrim's favourite country?
A: Turkey
.

Q: What do you call a dog with a cold?
A:
Achoo-huahua.

Q: What happens when you don't clean your mirror?
A: You get a dirty look
.

Q: What do you call a patriotic dog?
A:
A Yankee poodle.

Q: How do frogs fly?
A: By hopper-craft
.

Q: What animals are on legal documents?
A:
Seals.

Q: What do you call a foreign body in a chip pan?
A: An Unidentified Frying Object
.

Q: Did you hear about the mad scientist who put dynamite in his fridge?
A:
He blew his cool.

Q: Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A: The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing
.

Q: Why do you always find something in the last place you look?
A:
Because when you find it, you stop looking.

Q: How do ducks decorate?
A:
They wallpaper over the quacks.

Q: What is a hot time?
A:
A clock in an oven.

Q: What is a vampire's favourite Olympic sport?
A:
Casketball.

Q: What's the coldest place an ant can go?
A: The Antarctic
.

Q: What do you give a sick snake?
A:
Asp-irin.

Q: What would you get if you crossed a monkey with powdered orange juice?
A:
An Oranga-Tang.

Q: Why should you walk carefully when it's raining cats and dogs?
A:
You might step into a poodle.

Q: What international cricket team plays only half dressed?
A: The Vest Indies
.

Q: What do cannibals eat when they go out for breakfast?
A:
Buttered host.

Q: How does the Moon trim its hair?
A: E-clipse it
.

Q: What do you get when you cross a clown with a chicken?
A: A comedi-hen
.

Q: What is the slowest mountain?
A: Mt. Everest
.

Q: What did the old man say when he walked into an antiques store?
A: What's new?”

Q: Who was the first to have a mobile home?
A: A turtle
.

Q: What did the tree surgeon say about the diseased elm?
A:
Its bark is worse than its blight.”

Q: What's the longest line at a Joe-kster's party?
A: The punch line
.

Q: What do you get if you cross a flat fish and a bird?
A: A cheep skate
.

Q: What inventions help people get up in the world?
A: The elevator, the ladder, and the alarm clock
.

Q: What did one mule say to the other?
A: I get a kick out of you.”

Q: What do you call a baby ant?
A:
An inf-ant.

Q: What's special about a neurotic doll?
A:
It comes already wound up.

Q: Why did the green vegetable reconsider taking the job?
A:
The benefits were good but the celery wasn't.

Q: What did the pen say to the pencil?
A:
What's your point?”

Q: If an athlete gets athlete's foot, what does a scuba diver get?
A:
Under toe.

Q: Why couldn't the sailors play cards?
A:
Because the captain was on the deck.

Q: What animal says “mooski”?
A:
A Moscow.

Q: What stories are told about basketball players?
A: Tall tales
.

Q: How do you hang up an airplane?
A:
On an airplane hanger.

Q: What can make grass grow bigger?
A:
Magnifying grass.

Q: What goes 99-thump, 99-thump?
A:
A centipede with a wooden leg.

Q: Who uses voodoo to scare mosquitoes away?
A:
The itch doctor.

Q: What is the definition of an undercover agent?
A:
A spy in bed.

Q: Why were the charges against the football team dropped?
A: They had a strong defense
.

Q: What do you have if you mix a commander of a ship with a fishing lure?
A:
Captain Hook.

Q: Where did the fish go on a  date?
A:
To the dive-in movie.

Q: What kind of bears like bad weather?
A: Drizzly bears
.

Q: How can you say rabbit without using the letter R?
A: Bunny
.

Q: What does your mother's sister become when she's nervous?
A:
Aunt-sy.

Q: Why did the blonde attach her computer to a fishing rod?
A:
Someone told her to hook it up.

Q: How do you make a bandstand?
A:
Take their chairs away.

Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a toad?
A:
A wart processor.

Q: How would you feel after a free lunch in a vineyard?
A: Grapeful
.

Q: Where do bears go on vacation?
A: Bear-muda
.

Q: Where did the sick ship go?
A: To the docks
.

Q: When do monkeys fall from the sky?
A:
During Ape-ril showers.

Q: Why didn't Stuart Little win an Academy Award?
A:
Because mice guys finish last.

Q: What kind of ice cream makes you sick?
A: Van-ill-a
.

Q: Why did the airline pilot get fired?
A: He took off too many days
.

Q: What do you call a necklace made of fruit?
A:
A food chain.

Q: Why was the pig excused from gym class?
A: It had a pulled ham string
.

Q: Why are basketball players so hot after a game?
A:
All the fans are gone.

Q: When is the best day to tell joe-ks?
A: On Pun-day
.

Q: When does the moon burp?
A:
When it's full.

Q: What happened to the baseball player who was always late for dinner?
A: His wife threw him out at home
.

Q: What do you call a dog that digs up bones?
A: A barkyologist
.

Q: What is the laziest part of a car?
A:
The wheels - they're always tired.

Q: How did the tooth fairy do in school?
A: Fairy well
.

Q: What's a puppy's favourite breakfast?
A: Pooch-ed eggs and bark-on
.

Q: What does a mechanical frog say?
A:
Robot! Robot!”

Q: What kind of lettuce do you get on an Alaskan cruise?
A: Iceberg
.

Q: Why aren't horses well dressed?
A: Because they wear shoes but no socks
.

Q: What is a bird's favourite part of the news?
A:
The feather forecast.

Q: What do you call a cat with a pager?
A: A beeping tom
.

Q: If 12 make a dozen, how many make a million?
A: Very few
.

Q: How do you honour a chestnut?
A: Give it a roast
.

Q: What kind of person is fed up with people?
A:
A cannibal.

Q: What has winds and solves number problems?
A:
A moth-matician.

Q: Where can you buy a chess set?
A:
At a pawnshop.

Q: What kind of tree has hair?
A: A fur tree
.

Q: Why was the girl named Sugar?
A: Because she was so refined
.

Q: What kind of book tells you about all the different kinds of owls?
A: Who's Whoo
.

Q: What kind of bird can write?
A: A pen-guin
.

Q: How did Lucy get lucky?
A:
She found a K.

Q: Why is a moon rock tastier than a meatball?
A: Because it's a littler meteor
.

Q: What did the laundry man say to the impatient customer?
A: Keep your shirt on!”

Q: How do you stop a gelatin race?
A: Shout
Get set!”

Q: How did the gnu cross the river?
A:
In a ca-gnu.

Q: What flower lies down?
A:
A lazy daisy.

Q: Why don't aliens drown in hot chocolate?
A: Because they sit on the Mars-mallows
.

Q: What's the best way to catch a fish?
A: Have someone throw it to you
.

Q: What did the frankfurter say when the dog bit him?
A: It's a dog-eat-dog world.”

Q: What people would never join a nudist camp?
A:
Pickpockets.

Q: What did the plastic surgeon say to the duck?
A: I'm going to have to re-bill you.”

Q: What do you call a sheep farm with only rams?
A:
Ewes-less.

Q: What do you call an ant that's good at math?
A:
An account-ant.

Q: What game do tornadoes like to play?
A: Twister
.

Q: Why do skeletons catch cold so fast?
A: Because they're chilled to the bone
.

Q: What gives milk and says, Oom, oom?
A:
A cow walking backwards.

Q: What is a tree's favourite game?
A:
Follow the Cedar.

Q: Why can't you play games in the jungle?
A:
Because there's always going to be a cheetah.

Q: What game do you play in water?
A: Swimming pool
.

Q: If two's company and three's a crowd, what is four and five?
A: Nine
.

Q: What do you get when you cross your brother with an owl?
A: A wise guy
.

Q: What would you get if you crossed a librarian with a race car driver?
A: A speed reader
.

Q: What kind of store can stay in the same spot for 50 years?
A: A stationery store
.

Q: What would you get if you crossed oxen with zebras?
A:
Steers and stripes.

Q: What did the toe say when it was asked out on a date?
A:
I couldn't go out with a heel like you.”

Q: What kind of policeman dresses poorly?
A:
A plain clothesman.

Q: What happened to the wooden plane with the wooden wheels and wooden engine?
A:
It wooden go.

Q: What do you call an anxious dinosaur?
A:
A nervous rex.

Q: What kind of hair do oceans have?
A:
Wavy.

Did you hear about the florist whose future looked rosy?

Q: What do you get if you cross a cow and a pogo stick?
A:
A milkshake.

Q: What does a chicken say when it goes into a library?
A:
Book-book-book-book-book!”

Q: What did the Doctor give the patient with a splitting headache?
A:
Glue.

Q: What kind of dancing do pirates love?
A: The rum-ba
.

Q: What does an egg do when another egg bothers it?
A:
It eggnores it.

Q: Where do vegetables go to get married?
A: To the Justice of the Peas
.

Q: What's the cheapest way to see the world?
A:
Buy an atlas.

Q: What did one blackbird say to the other blackbird?
A: Crow up!”

Q: Why did the bird make fun of everyone?
A: He was a mockingbird
.

Q: What instrument do lighthouse keepers play?
A:
Fog horns.

Q: Where do pigs like to sit?
A:
On pork benches.

Q: Why did the parrot carry an umbrella?
A:
So he could be polyunsaturated.

Q: What driver puts screws in a glass-bottom boat?
A:
A scuba driver.

Q: What do Eskimos use to build their houses?
A:
i-glue.

Q: Where do elementary school teachers like to go sailing?
A:
Out on the A B seas.

Q: Why didn't Noah do too much fishing on the ark?
A:
He only had two worms.

Q: What do you get when you cross peanut butter and a quilt?
A: A bread spread
.

Q: Why was the broom late?
A:
It overswept.

Q: Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker?
A:
It wanted a well-balanced meal.

Q: What songs put baby birds to sleep?
A:
Gull-abies.

Q: How do you top a car?
A:
Tep on the brake, tupid!

Q: Name a unit of electrical energy.
A:
What?

Q: Why do witches wear name tags?
A: So they know which witch is which
.

Q: How does a computer order food?
A:
Off the menu.

Q: What type of cans are there in Mexico?
A: Mexicans
.

Q: What do 24 hours do at night?
A: Call it a day
.

Q: Why was the mummy so tense?
A: She was all wound up
.

Q: How does morning begin?
A: With the letter 'm'
.

Q: Why are pianos hard to open?
A: Piano keys don't open locks
.

Q: What do you call a tuba's father?
A: Oom-Papa
.

Q: When is fishing bad for you?
A: When you're a worm
.

Q: What kind of underwear do mummies wear?
A:
Fruit of the Tomb.

Q: What was the first thing the lumberjack did when he bought a computer?
A: He logged on
.

Q: How do you spell hard water with three letters?
A:
ICE

Q: What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with fireworks?
A:
Dinomite.

Q: Are palm trees always green?
A: Yes, except at a fortune teller's, where palms are red
.

Q: Why do mothers put so much powder on their babies?
A:
Talc is cheap.

Q: Why was the fish's wish granted?
A: He found his fairy cod mother
.

Q: What pop group kills germs?
A: The Bleach Boys
.

Q: What's the difference between an Indian elephant and an African elephant?
A: Around 3,000 miles
.

Q: Why was the computer so good at golf?
A: It had a hard drive
.

Q: What happened to the kitten that got caught in a Xerox machine?
A:
He became a copycat.

Q: Why did the stallion need a cough drop?
A:
He was hoarse.

Q: Why are barns so noisy?
A:
Because the cows have horns.

Q: What do you get when you drop an ice cream on the floor?
A: A plopsicle
.

Q: What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A:
Is that you, Mommy?”