joe-ks.com



Kid's Laughter
 Joe-ks for Kids at home and at school...
 You're Kid'n me, right?
Distinct: How a child says something smelled bad.

Google
 

(click on the thumbnail images below to expand to full size)
 Hiding Horse

Hide & Seek

Cats and Backpacks

Dear Abbey

Toy Recall

Wine Gum Lamp

Tike Trike for a Fast Baby

Chair Boy

Baby Suit

Colour Car

The Joe-kster's Dentist

Kid Kars

Stick Humour



Q: What kind of socks do firefighters wear?
A: Fire hose.
Q: What's a magician's favourite nursery rhyme?
A: Trickery, dickory, dock.
Q: What is a canary's favourite snack?
A: Potato chirps.
Q: What do you call a king's sore throat?
A: A royal pain in the neck.
Q: When they win a hockey game, what do the Phoenix Coyotes give their opponents?
A: Crying T'howls.
Q: What do you call a greasy pachyderm?
A: An oily-phant.
Q: What reptile can you find in a clogged drain?
A: A plumber's snake.
Q: What did Cinderella's pet seal wear to the ball?
A: A glass flipper.
Q: Why did the blue jay get a perm?
A: Because the curly bird catches the worm.
Q: Where do cats invest their money?
A: In the stalk market.
Q: How did the robber get caught at the art gallery?
A: He was framed.
Q: Why did the disk drive become a professional goalie?
A: It kept making great saves.
Q: What do you call a woman with a sheep on her head?
A: Baa-baa-rah.
Q: Why do dragons sleep all day?
A: So they can fly knights.
Q: What type of books do baby deer enjoy?
A: Fawntasies.
Q: Did you hear about the skunk who made big donations to the Church?
A: It was given its own pew.
Q: During which school period do cars get put together?
A: Assembly.
Q: Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
A: No body.
Q: What music do wasps and yellowjackets listen to?
A: Bee-thoven.
Q: Did you hear the one about the woman who discovered the secret to eternal youth?
A: She lies about her age.
Q: Why couldn't the bell keep a secret?
A: It always toiled.
Q: What do you call stolen candy?
A: Hot chocolate.
Q: Do cats get angry?
A: Yes, they get fur-ious.
Q: What resource do fish use for school reports?
A: The fin-ternet.
Q: Where do you keep a professional pet fish?
A: In a goldfish pro bowl.
Q: Does a roller coaster like its work?
A: It has its ups and downs.
Q: What did the baker think of the funny joe-k?
A: He got a rise out of it.
Q: Where do wolves go to become stars?
A: Howliewood.
Q: Did you hear about the ice that lost its job?
A: It was crushed.
Q: Where does Draula water ski?
A: On Lake Erie.
Q: What do you get if you cross a fishing rod with Batman?
A: A reel superhero.
Q: How can you recognize a dogwood tree?
A: By its bark.
Q: Why didn't the girl mouse like the boy mouse?
A: They just didn't click.
Q: Why did the young woman take the job at the glue factory?
A: It was fast paste.
Q: What did the milkmaid say to the anxious butter?
 A: “You'll have to wait your churn.”
Q: What happened to the rhubarb thief?
A: He was taken into custardy.
Q: What kind of dance do buns do?
A: Abundance.
Q: What trees do ghouls like best?
A: Ceme-trees.
Q: What did one rock pool say to the other?
Q: Why did Harry Potter attach a camcorder to his Nimbus 2000?
A: He wanted a broom with a view.
Q: What four letters of the alphabet mean it's time to go to the dentist?
A: ICDK.
Q: What is a tie's favourite Shakespearean quote?
A: “To be or knot to be.”
Q: Why didn't the skeleton eat the food at restaurant?
A: Because he didn't have the stomach for it.
Q: Why did the diver wash the reef?
A: He was practicing good coral hygiene.
Q: What do you call a mosquito riding on your arm?
A: An itch-hiker.
Q: What's big and gray and lives underwater?
A: An eelephant.
Q: What do you call a man who laughs at his boss's joe-ks?
A: A man who might not have a sense of humour, but sure has a sense of direction.
Q: What comes in a tupperware container and rings bells in a French cathedral?
A: The lunchpack of Notre Dame.
Q: How do you kiss a hockey player?
A: You pucker up.
Q: What do you give an injured lemon?
A: Lemonaid.
Q: What exam does an exterminator have to take?
A: A pest test.
Q: What does a hungry modem snack on?
A: Microchips.
Q: What do you call a 100-year-old cheerleader?
A: Old Yeller.
Q: Who are the cleanest opera singers?
A: Soap-ranos.
Q: How did the tractor get his son a job on the farm?
A: He had some pull.
Q: How can you tell when a cat has been using your computer?
A: The mouse pad is all chewed up.
Q: What pen does a baby write with?
A: A play pen.
Q: What do you say to introduce a hamburger?
A: “Meat Patty.”
Q: What is a sailor's favourite sandwich?
A: A sub.
Q: What is a pirate's favourite fast food?
A: Pizzas of eight.
Q: What do you call a teacher who makes numbers disappear?
 A: A mathemagician.
Q: What does the Invisible Man call his mother and father?
A: His transparents.
Q: What do spiders eat with their burgers?
A: French flies.
Q: What do the Green Giant's hens lay?
A: Eggplants.
Q: Where is Timbuktu?
A: Between Timbuk-one and Timbuk-three.
Q: Which sports channel does a poultry farmer watch?
A: ESP-Hen.
Q: What's a good name for a foot?
A: Arch-ie.
Q: What do you call a croissant on roller skates?
A: Breakfast to go.
Q: Who looks through your window and never wants to grow up?
A: Peeper Pan.
Q: How do you find King Arthur in the dark?
A: With a knight light.
Q: Why did Little Johnny chase the stinging fish?
A: He wanted to catch some rays.
Q: Where do you leave your dog when you go shopping?
A: In the barking lot.
Q: What's the difference between one yard and two yards?
A: Usually a fence.
Q: Where does a squid sleep when he camps?
A: In a tentacle.
Q: If you found a $20 bill in every pocket of your coat, what would you have?
A: Someone else's coat.
Q: Why did the stag wear braces?
A: He had buck teeth.
Q: Which animal won the basketball game?
A: The porcupine because it had the most points.
Q: What fruit kept best in Noah's ark?
A: The preserved pears (pairs).
Q: What breakfast cereal would you get if you crossed a cow with a baby's diaper?
A: Cream of Wet.
Q: What did one potato chip say to the other?
 A: “Want to go for a dip?”
Q: What do you get when you cross a shellfish and a rabbit?
A: The Oyster Bunny.
Q: What does an astronaut do when he gets angry?
A: He blasts off.
Q: What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars?
A: Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
Q: What do underwater police drive?
A: Squid cars.
Q: How do you get a cow out of the way?
A: Just say, “Moo-ve.”
Q: Where do baby monsters go when their parents are at work?
A: Day-scare centers.
Q: Where did the Joe-kster wind up for stealing shellfish?
A: Small clams court.
Q: What has more letters than the alphabet?
A: The Post Office.
Q: Why did the girl go to sea?
A: She wanted to meet some buoys.
Q: What smells and shoots at people?
A: A septic tank.
Q: Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
A: Because they don't have any body to go out with.
Q: Why are hogs like trees?
A: They both root for a living.
Q: Why wasn't the Tsar of Russia good to play chess with?
A: Because he was a Tsar loser.
Q: What did the skeleton get in Hawaii?
A: A skeletan.
Q: How is the internet like an overgrown yard?
A: You have to modem both.
Q: Why are camels hard to see in the desert?
A: Because they are camel-flaged.
Q: How did the wave feel about hitting the beach?
A: He was fit to be tide.
Q: Why did the spy spray his room with insect repellant?
A: Because he thought it was bugged.
Q: How do skeletons call their friends?
A: On the tele-bone.
Did you hear about the guy who named his car Flattery because it got him nowhere?
Q: Why didn't the lightning bolt go to the storm?
A: Because it was on strike.
Q: Why were the bees on strike?
A: They wanted shorter flowers and more honey.
Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A: Because it's easier than walking.
Q: Why don't you ever see dandruff on a man wearing a toupee?
A: Because he sweeps it under the rug.
Q: How does a banker start every bedtime story?
A: “Once upon a dime...”
Q: How did the patient get to the hospital so fast?
A: He flu.
Q: What birds make the most noise?
A: Whopping cranes.
Q: Why did the cranberry turn red?
A: It saw the turkey dressing.
Q: What happened to the guy who got his head stuck in a washing machine?
A: He got brainwashed.
Q: What is a haunted wigwam?
A: A creepy teepee.
Q: What's an astronaut's favourite drink?
A: Gravi-tea.
Q: What goes Mooooooz?
A: A jet flying backward.
Q: Which sea will make you go ape?
A: The Chimpansea.
Q: Why did the green ogre go to the psychiatrist?
A: He was a nervous Shrek.
Q: Why was the centipede late for school?
A: He was playing “This Little Piggy” with his sister.
Q: What are goose bumps for?
A: To keep geese from speeding.
Q: How did the giant's wife know that Jack was coming?
A: She could hear Hack and the beans talk.
Q: What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A: A bear-faced lyre.
Q: What girl can catch jellyfish with her hair?
A: A bru-net.
Q: What did the girl calendar say to the other girl calendar?
 A: “I have more dates than you do.”
Q: Why is football popular on Venus?
A: Because all the houses have Astroturf on their front lawns.
Q: Why did the stringray speak to the diver?
A: He wanted to have a manta-man talk.
Q: Why did the dog run away from home?
A: “Doggone if I know!”
Q: What Asian food recipe calls for both poultry and a grinch?
A: Chicken lo Mean.
Q: Why are there no zebras in Scotland?
A: Because stripes clash with plaids.
Q: What did the pitcher say to the cup?
 A: “I'll have none of your lip.”
Q: What does a dentist to a hockey team specialize in?
A: Puck teeth.
Q: What's the difference between an elbow and a rabbit's telephone?
A: One's a funny bone, and the other is a bunny's phone.
Q: Why did the ocean flood the stadium?
A: It was doing the wave.
Q: How does a comedian like his eggs?
A: Funny side up.
Q: Why didn't the computer pass its driving test?
A: It crashed too often.
Q: Why did the elephant go to the locksmith?
A: To have his trunk opened.
Q: Why is monastery food so greasy?
A: It's all cooked by friars.
Q: What kind of nuts does a banker like the best?
A: Cash-ews.
Q: What's an important aid in good grooming for pet mice?
A: Mouse wash.
Q: What do you get when you cross a dog and a lion?
A: A terrified postman.
Q: Did you hear about the computer with the corrupt hard disk?
A: Its backup was worse than its byte.
Q: What do you call a German in a motorcycle hat?
A: Helmut.
Q: What kind of ocean bird can't fly, can't swim, and can't catch fish?
A: A peli-can't.
Q: What sport do turkey chefs play?
A: Baste-ball.
Q: What happened to the boy who drank eight cans of Coke?
A: He brought 7 Up.
Q: What do five square meals make?
A: Round people.
Q: Why don't little fish sleep at night?
A: They're afraid of the shark.
Q: What is a musician's favourite cereal?
A: Flute Loops.
Q: What do computer programmers like to eat for breakfast?
A: Ram & eggs.
Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea?
A: Because if they lived near the bay, they'd be called bagels.
Q: What did one pencil say to the other?
A: “You're looking sharp.”
Q: What's green and round and goes camping?
A: A boy sprout.
Q: Where can you find out more about ducks?
A: In the duck-tionary.
Q: Why is it difficult to keep a secret when you're cold?
A: Because your teeth chatter.
 

Q: What keeps jazz musicians on earth?
A: Groovity.
Q: Why did the schoolboy throw a glass of water out the window?
A: He wanted to see a waterfall.
Q: Where does a broom go when it's tired?
A: It goes to sweep.
Q: What kind of X-rays do foot Doctors take?
A: Toot-ographs.
Q: Why can't two elephants go swimming at the same time?
A: Because they only have one pair of trunks.
Q: Why did the baker sell his bread only to the rich and famous?
A: He wanted to work for the upper crust.
Q: What's a cowboy's favourite website?
A: Yahoo!
Q: Why do toadstools grow so close together?
A: They don't need mushroom.
Q: What beetle comes from outer space?
A: Bug Rogers.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a crystal ball with a skunk?
A: An animal with a sixth scent.
Q: What time is it when you sit on a thumb tack?
A: Spring time.
Q: Where did the rabbit learn to fly?
A: In the hare force.
Q: When should a doughnut chef quit?
A: When he is tired of the 'hole' business.
Q: What do moths study at school?
A: Mothematics.
Q: What did the baby banana say to the mother banana?
A: “I don't peel good.”
Q: What kind of fish goes with peanut butter?
A: Jelly fish.
Q: How do you say yes to an optometrist?
A: “Eye-eye, sir.”
Q: Why did the ram crash his car?
A: He didn't see the ewe turn.
Q: Why did the cow jump over the moon?
A: The milkmaid's hands were cold.
Q: Why were outlaws the strongest men in the Old West?
A: They could hold up trains.
Confucius say, “Man who eat sweets take up two seats.”
Q: What does a shark use for a barbecue?
A: Sharkoal.
Q: What sickness can a plane catch?
A: The flew.
Q: What do you call a super pig who can climb up the sides of buildings?
A: Spiderham.
Q: What would you get if you crossed Prince Charles with Moby Dick?
A: The Prince of Whales.
Q: Why couldn't the writer cross the road?
A: He had authoritis.
Q: What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
A: Spring.
Q: What is the tip of the iceberg?
A: 10 to 15 percent of the iceberg's bill.
Q: Why is a graveyard noisy?
A: Because of all the coffin.
Q: What part of a clock is always old?
A: The second hand.
Q: Why can't it rain for 2 days continually?
A: Because there's always a night in between.
Q: What did the lightbulb say to the switch?
A: “You turn me on.”
Q: What did the DVD say to the radio?
A: “You just don't get the picture, do you?”
Q: What animal is best at hitting a baseball?
A: A bat.
Q: Why did the playground cross the road?
A: To get to the other slide.
 

Q: Why are there no psychiatrists for dogs?
A: Everyone knows dogs aren't allowed on couches.
Q: Who was Wyatt Burp?
A: A sheriff with a repeater.
Q: What's a ticklish subject?
A: The study of feathers.
Q: What illness did everyone on the Enterprise catch?
A: Chicken Spocks.
Q: What kind of musician can't you trust?
A: Someone who plays the bull fiddle.
Q: What's a Pilgrim's favourite country?
A: Turkey.
Q: What do you call a dog with a cold?
A: Achoo-huahua.
Q: What happens when you don't clean your mirror?
A: You get a dirty look.
Q: What do you call a patriotic dog?
A: A Yankee poodle.
Q: How do frogs fly?
A: By hopper-craft.
Q: What animals are on legal documents?
A: Seals.
Q: What do you call a foreign body in a chip pan?
A: An Unidentified Frying Object.
Q: Did you hear about the mad scientist who put dynamite in his fridge?
A: He blew his cool.
Q: Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A: The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
Q: Why do you always find something in the last place you look?
A: Because when you find it, you stop looking.
Q: How do ducks decorate?
A: They wallpaper over the quacks.
Q: What is a hot time?
A: A clock in an oven.
Q: What is a vampire's favourite Olympic sport?
A: Casketball.
Q: What's the coldest place an ant can go?
A: The Antarctic.
Q: What do you give a sick snake?
A: Asp-irin.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a monkey with powdered orange juice?
A: An Oranga-Tang.
Q: Why should you walk carefully when it's raining cats and dogs?
A: You might step into a poodle.
Q: What international cricket team plays only half dressed?
A: The Vest Indies.
Q: What do cannibals eat when they go out for breakfast?
A: Buttered host.
Q: How does the Moon trim its hair?
A: E-clipse it.
Q: What do you get when you cross a clown with a chicken?
A: A comedi-hen.
Q: What is the slowest mountain?
A: Mt. Everest.
Q: What did the old man say when he walked into an antiques store?
A: “What's new?”
Q: Who was the first to have a mobile home?
A: A turtle.
Q: What did the tree surgeon say about the diseased elm?
A: “Its bark is worse than its blight.”
Q: What's the longest line at a Joe-kster's party?
A: The punch line.
Q: What do you get if you cross a flat fish and a bird?
A: A cheep skate.
Q: What inventions help people get up in the world?
A: The elevator, the ladder, and the alarm clock.
Q: What did one mule say to the other?
 A: “I get a kick out of you.”
Q: What do you call a baby ant?
A: An inf-ant.
Q: What's special about a neurotic doll?
A: It comes already wound up.
Q: Why did the green vegetable reconsider taking the job?
A: The benefits were good but the celery wasn't.
Q: What did the pen say to the pencil?
A: “What's your point?”
Q: If an athlete gets athlete's foot, what does a scuba diver get?
A: Under toe.
Q: Why couldn't the sailors play cards?
A: Because the captain was on the deck.
Q: What animal says “mooski”?
A: A Moscow.
Q: What stories are told about basketball players?
A: Tall tales.
Q: How do you hang up an airplane?
A: On an airplane hanger.
Q: What can make grass grow bigger?
A: Magnifying grass.
Q: What goes 99-thump, 99-thump?
A: A centipede with a wooden leg.
Q: Who uses voodoo to scare mosquitoes away?
A: The itch doctor.
Q: What is the definition of an undercover agent?
A: A spy in bed.
Q: Why were the charges against the football team dropped?
A: They had a strong defense.
Q: What do you have if you mix a commander of a ship with a fishing lure?
A: Captain Hook.
Q: Where did the fish go on a  date?
A: To the dive-in movie.
Q: What kind of bears like bad weather?
A: Drizzly bears.
Q: How can you say rabbit without using the letter R?
A: Bunny.
Q: What does your mother's sister become when she's nervous?
A: Aunt-sy.
Q: Why did the blonde attach her computer to a fishing rod?
A: Someone told her to hook it up.
Q: How do you make a bandstand?
A: Take their chairs away.
Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a toad?
A: A wart processor.
Q: How would you feel after a free lunch in a vineyard?
A: Grapeful.
Q: Where do bears go on vacation?
A: Bear-muda.
Q: Where did the sick ship go?
A: To the docks.
Q: When do monkeys fall from the sky?
A: During Ape-ril showers.
Q: Why didn't Stuart Little win an Academy Award?
A: Because mice guys finish last.
Q: What kind of ice cream makes you sick?
A: Van-ill-a.
Q: Why did the airline pilot get fired?
A: He took off too many days.
Q: What do you call a necklace made of fruit?
A: A food chain.
Q: Why was the pig excused from gym class?
A: It had a pulled ham string.
Q: Why are basketball players so hot after a game?
A: All the fans are gone.
Q: When is the best day to tell joe-ks?
A: On Pun-day.
Q: When does the moon burp?
A: When it's full.
Q: What happened to the baseball player who was always late for dinner?
A: His wife threw him out at home.
Q: What do you call a dog that digs up bones?
A: A barkyologist.
Q: What is the laziest part of a car?
A: The wheels - they're always tired.
Q: How did the tooth fairy do in school?
A: Fairy well.
Q: What's a puppy's favourite breakfast?
A: Pooch-ed eggs and bark-on.
Q: What does a mechanical frog say?
A: “Robot! Robot!”
Q: What kind of lettuce do you get on an Alaskan cruise?
A: Iceberg.
Q: Why aren't horses well dressed?
A: Because they wear shoes but no socks.
Q: What is a bird's favourite part of the news?
A: The feather forecast.
Q: What do you call a cat with a pager?
A: A beeping tom.
Q: If 12 make a dozen, how many make a million?
A: Very few.
Q: How do you honour a chestnut?
A: Give it a roast.
Q: What kind of person is fed up with people?
A: A cannibal.
Q: What has winds and solves number problems?
A: A moth-matician.
Q: Where can you buy a chess set?
A: At a pawnshop.
Q: What kind of tree has hair?
A: A fur tree.
Q: Why was the girl named Sugar?
A: Because she was so refined.
Q: What kind of book tells you about all the different kinds of owls?
A: Who's Whoo.
Q: What kind of bird can write?
A: A pen-guin.
Q: How did Lucy get lucky?
A: She found a K.
Q: Why is a moon rock tastier than a meatball?
A: Because it's a littler meteor.
Q: What did the laundry man say to the impatient customer?
A: “Keep your shirt on!”
Q: How do you stop a gelatin race?
A: Shout “Get set!”
Q: How did the gnu cross the river?
A: In a ca-gnu.
Q: What flower lies down?
A: A lazy daisy.
Q: Why don't aliens drown in hot chocolate?
A: Because they sit on the Mars-mallows.
Q: What's the best way to catch a fish?
A: Have someone throw it to you.
Q: What did the frankfurter say when the dog bit him?
 A: “It's a dog-eat-dog world.”
Q: What people would never join a nudist camp?
A: Pickpockets.
Q: What did the plastic surgeon say to the duck?
 A: “I'm going to have to re-bill you.”
Q: What do you call a sheep farm with only rams?
A: Ewes-less.
Q: What do you call an ant that's good at math?
A: An account-ant.
Q: What game do tornadoes like to play?
A: Twister.
Q: Why do skeletons catch cold so fast?
A: Because they're chilled to the bone.
Q: What gives milk and says, “Oom, oom”?
A: A cow walking backwards.
Q: What is a tree's favourite game?
A: Follow the Cedar.
Q: Why can't you play games in the jungle?
A: Because there's always going to be a cheetah.
Q: What game do you play in water?
A: Swimming pool.
Q: If two's company and three's a crowd, what is four and five?
A: Nine.
Q: What do you get when you cross your brother with an owl?
A: A wise guy.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a librarian with a race car driver?
A: A speed reader.
Q: What kind of store can stay in the same spot for 50 years?
A: A stationery store.
Q: What would you get if you crossed oxen with zebras?
A: Steers and stripes.
Q: What did the toe say when it was asked out on a date?
A: “I couldn't go out with a heel like you.”
Q: What kind of policeman dresses poorly?
A: A plain clothesman.
Q: What happened to the wooden plane with the wooden wheels and wooden engine?
A: It wooden go.
Q: What do you call an anxious dinosaur?
A: A nervous rex.
Q: What kind of hair do oceans have?
A: Wavy.
Did you hear about the florist whose future looked rosy?
Q: What do you get if you cross a cow and a pogo stick?
A: A milkshake.
Q: What does a chicken say when it goes into a library?
A: “Book-book-book-book-book!”
Q: What did the Doctor give the patient with a splitting headache?
A: Glue.
Q: What kind of dancing do pirates love?
A: The rum-ba.
Q: What does an egg do when another egg bothers it?
A: It eggnores it.
Q: Where do vegetables go to get married?
A: To the Justice of the Peas.
Q: What's the cheapest way to see the world?
A: Buy an atlas.
Q: What did one blackbird say to the other blackbird?
 A: “Crow up!”
Q: Why did the bird make fun of everyone?
A: He was a mockingbird.
Q: What instrument do lighthouse keepers play?
A: Fog horns.
Q: Where do pigs like to sit?
A: On pork benches.
Q: Why did the parrot carry an umbrella?
A: So he could be polyunsaturated.
Q: What driver puts screws in a glass-bottom boat?
A: A scuba driver.
Q: What do Eskimos use to build their houses?
A: i-glue.
Q: Where do elementary school teachers like to go sailing?
A: Out on the A B seas.
Q: Why didn't Noah do too much fishing on the ark?
A: He only had two worms.
Q: What do you get when you cross peanut butter and a quilt?
A: A bread spread.
Q: Why was the broom late?
A: It overswept.
Q: Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker?
A: It wanted a well-balanced meal.
Q: What songs put baby birds to sleep?
A: Gull-abies.
Q: How do you top a car?
A: Tep on the brake, tupid!
Q: Name a unit of electrical energy.
A: What?
Q: Why do witches wear name tags?
A: So they know which witch is which.
Q: How does a computer order food?
A: Off the menu.
Q: What type of cans are there in Mexico?
A: Mexicans.
Q: What do 24 hours do at night?
A: Call it a day.
Q: Why was the mummy so tense?
A: She was all wound up.
Q: How does morning begin?
A: With the letter 'm'.
Q: Why are pianos hard to open?
A: Piano keys don't open locks.
Q: What do you call a tuba's father?
A: Oom-Papa.
Q: When is fishing bad for you?
A: When you're a worm.
Q: What kind of underwear do mummies wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Q: What was the first thing the lumberjack did when he bought a computer?
A: He logged on.
Q: How do you spell hard water with three letters?
A: ICE
Q: What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with fireworks?
A: Dinomite.
Q: Are palm trees always green?
A: Yes, except at a fortune teller's, where palms are red.
Q: Why do mothers put so much powder on their babies?
A: Talc is cheap.
Q: Why was the fish's wish granted?
A: He found his fairy cod mother.
Q: What pop group kills germs?
A: The Bleach Boys.
Q: What's the difference between an Indian elephant and an African elephant?
A: Around 3,000 miles.
Q: Why was the computer so good at golf?
A: It had a hard drive.
Q: What happened to the kitten that got caught in a Xerox machine?
A: He became a copycat.
Q: Why did the stallion need a cough drop?
A: He was hoarse.
Q: Why are barns so noisy?
A: Because the cows have horns.
Q: What do you get when you drop an ice cream on the floor?
A: A plopsicle.
Q: What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A: “Is that you, Mommy?”