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Fake News

And they should know...

Fake News thanks to Keith Blake

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Anything that consoles is fake. - Iris Murdoch

Moose are the squirrels of Alaska. - Tim Moon

Recipe for a happy husband: Fake and Bake. - Unknown

A squirrel is just a rat with a cuter outfit. - Sarah J. Parker

The man who laughs has not yet heard the news. - Bertolt Brecht

How can I tell if humility is genuine or fake? - David J. Bobb

The squirrel that you kill in jest, dies in earnest. - Henry David Thoreau

The secret of politics? Make a good treaty with Russia. - Otto von Bismarck

All the real things in Russia are done in the villages. - Ernest Poole

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. - Mitch Hedberg

There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income. - Will Rogers

In Russia, if a male athlete loses he becomes a female athlete. - Yakov Smirnoff

Gossip is just news running ahead of itself in a red satin dress. - Liz Smith

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made. - George Burns

For most folks, no news is good news; for the press, good news is not news. - Gloria Borger

If women can be railroad workers in Russia, why can't they fly in space? - Valentina Tereshkova

News events are like Texas weather. If you don't like it, wait a minute. - Jessica Savitch

In America you can always find a party. In Russia the party always finds you. - Yakov Smirnoff

If you don't know how great this country is, I know someone who does; Russia. - Robert Frost

I've had a lot of luck. If I didn't I'd be washing bottles in Russia. - Marat Safin

I love my squirrel and dumplings, but you can make it with chicken and dumplings. - Kay Robertson

This is good news... If the Persians hide the sun, we shall do battle in the shade. - Herodotus

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

The Iron Curtain may be a thing of the past, but Mother Russia is as mysterious as ever. - Robert Gottlieb

Many agree that the worst thing that could ever happen is if Russia and China get closer. - Donald Trump

Hard men present hard choices - none more so than Vladimir Putin, the President of Russia. - Hillary Clinton

Because the Empire controls the media, we can turn any news to the Emperor's advantage. - Daniel Wallace

I think Kazan is Russia's sportiest city after Moscow, leaving all the others far behind. - Marat Safin

I like to put on a wig or a fake mustache and do something silly with friends, do a little dance. - Tom Lenk

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it. - Groucho Marx

I took a speed reading course and read "War and Peace" in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. - Woody Allen

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Evening news is where they begin with "Good evening", and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. - Unknown

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there. - Yakov Smirnoff

Why something in the public interest such as television news can be fought over, like a chain of hamburger stands, eludes me. - Jimmy Breslin

Wolves directly affect the entire ecosystem, not just moose populations, their main prey, because less moose equals more tree growth. - Rolf Peterson

As you've noticed, people don't want to be sold. What people do want is news and information about the things they care about. - Larry Weber

I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons. - Ogden Nash

NBC News just called it "The Great Freeze" - coldest weather in years. Is our country still spending money on the global warming hoax? - Donald Trump


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