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AntiClaus

Robbing presents from misbehaving boys and girls

AntiClaus thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

I'm not a pirate. I'm an innovator. - Ken Dotcom

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

If you want to get my attention, wear a pirate outfit. - Michelle Branch

It's more fun to be a pirate than to join the Navy. - Steve Jobs

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown

The Pirate is surrealism and so, in a curious way, is Father of the Bride. - Vincente Minnelli

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Charity followed the pirate. To salvation or to hell, she would soon find out. - Tamara Hughes

Life's pretty good, and why wouldn't it be? I'm a pirate, after all. - Johnny Depp

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

There is more treasure in books than all the pirate's loot on treasure island. - Walt Disney

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Suddenly you're like a pirate, you're 65 years old and you've got an earring. - Fred Willard

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

When I was a child, I wanted to raise horses in Wyoming or be a cabin boy on a pirate ship. - Sadie Jones

I don't really know much about pirates, or pirate culture. I'd be a contrarian pirate. - Todd Barry

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

A man never spoke ill of his captain, pirate or no, unless he was prepared to back his words with the might of the crew. - Matt Tomerlin

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

I like Pirate's Booty. Prunes and olives, too. I love hummus. I can eat that until I die. I tend to eat mostly organic food. - Queen Latifah

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple


Animal Taxi

Lego Key Holder

Mechanic Apprentice

Redneck Helicopter

Hairy Egg

Fork Door Handle

Making Hockey More Popular

Suitcase WorkPlace

One-Knight Stands

Stealth Cell Phone Tower

Holes of the World

Sunken Bed

Australian Wildfire Survivor

Rat Toys

Radish Camouflage

Apple Art

Cake Finders

Shot Glasses

Frog Spout Security

Chopper Bicycle

Canadian Suntan

Walkway To Heaven

Groucho Marx and Jimmy Savile

Despicable Shoes