#1 humor site on the 'net

Redneck Palm Tree

Fingerlings in the forest

Redneck Palm Tree thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

Where a man feels pain he lays his hand. - Dutch Proverb

When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields

Preoccupied with a single leaf you won't see the tree. - Vagabond

A person's fears are lighter when the danger is at hand. - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Native ability without education is like a tree without fruit. - Aristippus

When a finger points to the moon, the imbecile looks at the finger. - Chinese Proverb

The bird of paradise alights only upon the hand that does not grasp. - John Berry

If you tell a joe-k in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joe-k? - Steven Wright

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers. - Phyllis Diller

It is better to have less thunder in the mouth and more lightning in the hand. - Apache Proverb

Learn not to talk to me. You shake the tree, a leopard's going to fall out. - Kobe Bryant

When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon. - Brian P. Cleary

Each has his own tree of ancestors, but at the top of all sits Probably Arboreal. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Trees are not known by their leaves, nor even by their blossoms, but by their fruits. - Eleanor of Aquitaine

The goal was scored a little bit by the hand of God, another bit by the head of Maradona. - Diego Maradona

Sometimes the game of golf is just too difficult to endure with a golf club in your hands. - Bobby Jones

Transplanting the ballet to the United States is like trying to raise a palm tree in Dakota. - Lincoln Kirsten

Education is a weapon whose effects depend on who holds it in his hands and at whom it is aimed. - Joseph Stalin

For the first time, I hand-picked an 'Apprentice' cast, and I'm thrilled with the results. - Donald Trump

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open, and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away. - Dorothy Parker

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

Freedom is man's capacity to take a hand in his own development. It is our capacity to mold ourselves. - Rollo May

My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body. - Donald Trump

Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work in hand. The Sun's rays do not burn until brought to a focus. - Alexander Graham Bell

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Whenever men take the law into their own hands, the loser is the law. And when the law loses, freedom languishes. - Robert Kennedy

Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you represents determinism; the way you play it is free will. - Jawaharlal Nehru

It is mathematical fact that the casting of this pebble from my hand alters the center of gravity of the universe. - Thomas Carlyle

Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. - Abraham Lincoln

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. - Rodney Dangerfield

It's in the democratic citizen's nature to be like a leaf that doesn't believe in the tree it's part of. - David Foster Wallace

I'm always astonished by a forest. It makes me realise that the fantasy of nature is much larger than my own fantasy. - Gunter Grass

The problem is that we always look for the missing piece of the puzzle instead of finding a place for the one in our hand. - Alina Radoi

Strength is the capacity to break a Hershey bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces. - Judith Viorst

When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise. - Paula Poundstone

Babies are bits of stardust, blown from the hand of God. Lucky the woman who knows the pangs of birth, for she has held a star. - Larry Barratto

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to throw something back. - Maya Angelou

Sex is like an atom bomb. A potent weapon which fascinates and frightens. We're afraid to let it loose, yet we all have our finger on the button. - Zeena Schreck

No one is going to hand me success. I must go out and get it myself. That's why I'm here. To dominate. To conquer. Both the world and myself. - Unknown


Foot Care

Guitar Dog

Cutout Coin Silhouettes

Tree Tattoo

Alt-Ctrl-Del Pillows

Portable GPS

Australian Cyclist

Helicopter Cuts

Holland Bike Lane - For Pros Only

Twins' First Piano Lesson

Foosball for Girls

Youth Walk

Last Selfie

Broccoli Muffins

Get Along Shirt

Rooftop Steps

It's Not My Job

Mathematician's Truck

Redneck Baby Stroller

Redneck Estate Sale

Blonde Car Mirror

Corn Maze Warning

Lane Closure

Texting For Dummies