#1 humor site on the 'net

Pork Bean Christmas

Have a Root'n Toot'n Christmas!

Pork Bean Christmas thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Pork is my friend. - Tom Douglas

Abstain from beans. - Pythagoras

Pulled pork jokes never get old. - Joel Edgerton

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

In Congress, it's all pork, all the time. - Jim Cooper

You can never put too much pork in your mouth. - Lewis Black

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

Mmmm, pork chops and bacon... my two favorite animals. - Homer Simpson

When I was a kid everyone used to call me pork 'n. - Michael Biehn

The food in Yugoslavia is fine if you like pork tartare. - Ed Begley Jr.

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

Cogito ergo dim sum. (Therefore I think these are pork buns) - Robert Byrne

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

I'm kosher except for times where I eat pork and shellfish. - Roseanne Barr

I'm such a foodie. If I see a pork chop, I'm eating it. - Josh Henderson

That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson

You should never hesitate to trade your cow for a handful of magic beans. - Tom Robbins

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

I am guilty of asking the Senate for pork and proud of the Senate for giving it to me. - Ted Stevens

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

I like spaghetti bolognese, I like baked beans on toast. I hate French food. I hate fancy food. - Simon Cowell

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Nobody can fail to lose weight in the jungle, unless they've got a secret stash of pork pies somewhere. - Colin Baker

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

Any processed chicken from any place - I'll order it in a heartbeat. I'm very picky about my pork, though. - David Chang

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

The pig is not just pork chops and bacon and ham to us. The pig is a co-laborer in this great land-healing ministry. - Joel Salatin

Then what are you? An electronic Hannibal Lector? You can't eat my liver with fava beans through a modem, you know. - Dean Koontz

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

In soap, fatty acids made from boiling pork bone fat are used as a hardening agent, but also for giving it a pearl-like effect. - Christien Meindertsma

This is what I grew up on in Alsace. It's choucroute. I'd wake up every morning with the smell of cabbage and potatoes and pork. - Jean-Georges Vongerichten


Cow Trampoline

Suspicious Blood Donor

Friends In High Places

Hair Cut Toupee

Finger Physio

Texas Steak

Triathlete with a Drinking Problem

Awning Truck Advertising

Racial Profiling Starts Early

Your Move

Florida Bird Flu

Croc Surfing

Zip Tie Prank

Ukrainian Power Adaptor

World's Hardest Golf Shot

India Airlines Economy Flight

Downspout Planters

Camel Walkers

Head Path

Whiskey Jig

Running Track

Body Bodice - Double OUCH!!!

DogWood

Feel-Good Story of the Year