#1 humor site on the 'net

LED Christmas Light Tree

Christmas spectacular with 40,000 LED lights

LED Christmas Light Tree thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Trees often transplanted seldom prosper. - Flemish Proverb

What kind of man gives cigarettes to trees? - Robin Williams

Once there was a tree, and she loved a little boy. - Shel Silverstein

The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit. - Moliere

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

Preoccupied with a single leaf you won't see the tree. - Vagabond

The patriot's blood is the seed of Freedom's tree. - Thomas Campbell

He knows his olive trees better than he knows his children. - Rebecca Helm-Ropelato

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

A bore is a person who lights up the room simply by leaving it. - L.J. Peter

Character is the root of the tree; conduct, the fruit it bears. - E.M. Bounds

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. - William Butler Yeats

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, does it make a sound? - Unknown

May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out. - JRR Tolkien

Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off. - Ralph Bus

There was nothing in the dark that wasn't there when the lights were on. - Rod Serling

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

Each has his own tree of ancestors, but at the top of all sits Probably Arboreal. - Robert Louis Stevenson

There are dark shadows on the earth, but its lights are stronger in the contrast. - Charles Dickens

It will never rain roses. When we want to have more roses, we must plant more trees. - George Eliot

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

Usually a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow. - Jeremy Clarkson

Transplanting the ballet to the United States is like trying to raise a palm tree in Dakota. - Lincoln Kirsten

The fly that doesn't want to be swatted is most secure when it lights on the fly-swatter. - G.C. Lichtenberg

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

We breathe air, trees make air, homework kills trees, therefore homework is going to kill us all. - Unknown

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

It's better to fall from a tree and break your back than to fall in love and break your heart. - African Proverb

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked. - Erich Segal

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

It's in the democratic citizen's nature to be like a leaf that doesn't believe in the tree it's part of. - David Foster Wallace

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

I glanced out the window at the signs of spring. The sky was almost blue, the trees were almost budding, the sun was almost bright. - Millard Kaufman

On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat,
But his face you could not see,
On account of his Beaver Hat. - Edward Lear

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown


Duct Tape - for a Prettier World

Don't Get Your Head In A Knot

Cornfield Fishing

Dawn Gone

Highest Human Position In The World

Together Since

You Never Call

CLUMSY Driver

Water Short

Post Research

Motorcycle Taxi

Columbia Street Party

Fly By Meal

Down Day

Hanging Out With Friends

You Want Me To Do What?

Mirror Lake

Kitchen Thing

Light Road

Coffee Spoon

Show Stopper

Water Judge

Litter of DalCations

Fitness On The Bus