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Clever Chinese

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Clever Chinese thanks to William Ng

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Too clever is dumb. - Ogden Nash

Literature is news that stays news. - Ezra Pound

A clever man commits no minor blunders. - Goethe

The man who laughs has not yet heard the news. - Bertolt Brecht

I just love Chinese food. My favorite dish is number 27. - Clement Attlee

I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones. - Unknown

Gossip is just news running ahead of itself in a red satin dress. - Liz Smith

I look like I'm Chinese or Thai or Japanese - very different. - Mary Kom

The Republic of China - back in the Olympic Games for the first time. - David Coleman

How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? - Jay Leno

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman

For most folks, no news is good news; for the press, good news is not news. - Gloria Borger

No Chinese Catholics are allowed to worship ancestors in their familial temples. - Pope Clement XI

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

Yoga has a sly, clever way of short circuiting the mental patterns that cause anxiety. - Baxter Bell

A gorilla with a cellphone riding a bicycle is bound to generate some clever captions. - Steve Breen

A clever person turns great troubles into little ones and little ones into none at all. - Chinese proverb

To be clever enough to get a great deal of money, one must be stupid enough to want it. - George Bernard Shaw

Many agree that the worst thing that could ever happen is if Russia and China get closer. - Donald Trump

When my friends and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker. - Robin Williams

Because the Empire controls the media, we can turn any news to the Emperor's advantage. - Daniel Wallace

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz

Like a bull into a china closet. Like in that picture, "The Prince and The Porpoise." - Archie Bunker

The everyday kindness of the back roads more than makes up for the acts of greed in the headlines. - Charles Kuralt

I had a meal last night. I ordered everything in French - surprised everybody, it was a Chinese restaurant. - Tommy Cooper

One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say. - Will Durant

Evening news is where they begin with "Good evening", and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. - Unknown

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. "We're surrounded." - Steven Wright

Why don't you put that in the headline: "He Only Did Three With Doris!" Set a lot of people straight. - Rock Hudson

Why something in the public interest such as television news can be fought over, like a chain of hamburger stands, eludes me. - Jimmy Breslin

Living in China has made me appreciate my own country, with its tiny, ethnically diverse population of unassuming donut-eaters. - Jan Wong

The wise man is but a clever infant, spelling letters from a hieroglyphical prophetic book, the lexicon of which lies in eternity. - Thomas Carlyle

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? - George Carlin

She's so fat she's my two best friends. She wears stretch caftans. She's got more chins than the Chinese telephone directory. - Joan Rivers

I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons. - Ogden Nash

Oil prices have fallen lately. We include this news for the benefit of gas stations, which otherwise wouldn't learn of it for six months. - Bill Tammeus

I deal with foreign countries. I made a lot of money dealing against China. I've made a lot of money dealing against many other countries. - Donald Trump

NBC News just called it "The Great Freeze" - coldest weather in years. Is our country still spending money on the global warming hoax? - Donald Trump

If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: "President Can't Swim." - Lyndon B. Johnson


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