#1 humor site on the 'net

Christmas Fireplace Tip

Placing empty boxes under the Christmas tree

Christmas Fireplace Tip thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Placebo Christmas presents for naughty children

QuotaBills
Add not fire to fire. - Greek proverb

Love in its essence is spiritual fire. - Emanuel Swedenborg

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice. - Robert Frost

Tell the men to fire faster and not give up the ship. - Captain James Lawrence

We must rekindle the fire of idealism in our society. - Joe Biden

I get really grinchy right up until Christmas morning. - Dan Aykroyd

The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

If someone's lying, are their pants really on fire? - Jerry Seinfeld

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

The Irish seem to have more fire about them than the Scots. - Sean Connery

The inner fire is the most important thing mankind possesses. - Edith Sodergran

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

So comes snow after fire, and even dragons have their endings. - JRR Tolkien

Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds. - Buddha

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. - William Butler Yeats

Always give them the old fire, even when you feel like a squashed cake of ice. - Ethel Merman

As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with words. - William Shakespeare

I took a physical for some life insurance. All they would give me was fire and theft. - Milton Berle

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. - Steven Wright

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? - George Carlin

This momentous question, like a fire bell in the night, awakened and filled me with terror. - Thomas Jefferson

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

Just 'cause there's snow in the basement don't mean there ain't no fire in the roof! - Archie Bunker

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. - Joan Crawford

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

Motivation is a fire from within. If someone else tries to light that fire under you, chances are it will burn very briefly. - Stephen R. Covey

Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt that the sun doth move,
Doubt truth to be a liar,
But never doubt I love. - William Shakespeare

In case of fire, don't panic. Simply flee the building with the same reckless abandon that occurs each day at quitting time. - Don Delcourt

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

You don't have to say everything to be a light. Sometimes a fire built on a hill will bring interested people to your campfire. - Shannon L. Alder

Unrest of spirit is a mark of life; one problem after another presents itself and in the solving of them we can find our greatest pleasure. - Kal Menninger

Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Lord Francis Bacon


Yo Mama Bin Shopping

Gangsta

Helmet Full Of Hair

Air Conditioner Repair

Redneck Towing

Walking His Fresh Food Pet

Japanese Tea Bath

Redneck Daycare

Hedge Hunter

Pilot Prop Job

Front To Side View

Moses' USB Tablets

Family Photo

Is Laughter The Best Medicine?

Plastered Wall Plasterer

Waffle Board

Stairway Repair

Cowboy Bubble Bath

Trunk Load

Centennial Puff

Don't Be A Stick In The Mud

Redneck Hitch Attachment

Texas Rims

Window Fall Repair