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Chess Nuts

Bragging about hotel lobby games

Chess Nuts thanks to Wayne Nowazek

QuotaBills
Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

Love your enemy - it'll drive him nuts. - Unknown

Avoid fruit and nuts. You are what you eat. - Jim Davis

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

God gives the nuts, but He does not crack them. - German proverb

Some guys play hockey. Gretzky plays 40-mph chess. - Lowell Cohn

I failed to make the chess team because of my height. - Woody Allen

I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder

Halloween starts earlier and earlier, just like Christmas. - Robert Englund

What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. - Homer Simpson

I'm walking backwards for Christmas Across the Irish Sea. - Spike Milligan

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

Everyone, in some small sacred sanctuary of the self, is nuts. - Leo Rosten

For me, baseball is more comparable to chess than it is to hockey. - Jeff Garlin

You'd play me chess, about which I don't even know how to deal. - Archie Bunker

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. - Emo Philips

Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas. - Kin Hubbard

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. - George Carlin

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. - Henny Youngman

I built my church on Easter services, Christmas Eve services, and Norman Vincent Peale. - Robert H. Schuller

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

Grammar: the difference between Feeling Your Nuts and Feeling You're Nuts. - Unknown

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. - Rodney Dangerfield

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

No matter how carefully you stored the lights last year, they will be snarled again this Christmas. - Robert Kirby

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Human affairs are like a chess game: Only those who do not take it seriously can be called good players. - Hung Tzu-ch'eng

Might make a real good Christmas present for the uninformed. The book is called 'Taking America Back.' - Paul Harvey

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. - Garrison Keillor

Fischer, the great American chess champion, famously said, 'Chess is life.' I would say, 'Pi is life.' - Daniel Tammet

My idea is to make moves to bring chess back to the world's map, to make it part of the world's geography again. - Anatoly Karpov

Did you read about Starbucks? No more "Merry Christmas" at Starbucks. No more. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks. - Donald Trump

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple


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