#1 humor site on the 'net

Perfect Girl

She could be waiting right underneath a bus sign

Perfect Girl thanks to Keith Blake

QuotaBills
Love is a hole in the heart. - Ben Hecht

Love is metaphysical gravity. - R Buckminster Fuller

I'm the Hiroshima of love. - Sylvester Stallone

Love is a grave mental disease. - Plato

All's fair in love and war. - John Lyly

One is very crazy when in love. - Sigmund Freud

The best proof of love is trust. - Dr Joyce Brothers

Hatred is blind, as well as love. - Oscar Wilde

Admiration, like love, wears out. - Marquis de Vauvenargues

I love treason but hate a traitor. - Julius Caesar

Love is no assignment for cowards. - Ovid

Manners are love in a cool climate. - Quentin Crisp

Grief is the price we pay for love. - Queen Elizabeth II

Love is a thing as any spirit free. - Geoffrey Chaucer

Those whom the gods love grow young. - Oscar Wilde

We are easily duped by those we love. - Moliere

I set off, off to kill the man I love. - Richelle Mead

Death ends a life, not a relationship. - Jack Lemmon

Falling in love is so hard on the knees. - Aerosmith

I love Wisconsin. It's a great place. - Donald Trump

We are most alive when we're in love. - John Updike

Shift from judgment to compassion to love. - Thomas Leonard

Motherhood: All love begins and ends there. - Robert Browning

It is not love that is blind, but jealousy. - Lawrence Durrell

Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs. - William Shakespeare

Love is a place for your heart to get broken. - Hector Schiller

Oh, I'm so inadequate. And I love myself! - Meg Ryan

Every good and perfect gift comes from above. - Bible

If you want the girl next door, go next door. - Joan Crawford

At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet. - Plato

Love is not what you say. Love is what you do. - Unknown

I love children if they're cooked properly. - WC Fields

Love the life you live. Live the life you love. - Bob Marley

Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea. - Henry Fielding

Mr. President, I love you, but you're wrong. - Paul Harvey

In love there are two things - bodies and words. - Joyce Carol Oates

Love is the net where hearts are caught like fish. - Muhammad Ali

A life without love is like a year without summer. - Swedish Proverb

Women want love to be a novel. Men, a short story. - Daphne du Maurier

Love sought is good, but given unsought is better. - William Shakespeare

Love is what you've been through with somebody. - James Thurber

If you judge people, you have no time to love them. - Mother Teresa

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

Love is an exploding cigar that you willingly smoke. - Lynda Barry

If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect. - Ted Turner

Love is the only disease that makes you feel better. - Sam Shepard

Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness. - Sigmund Freud

There is not love of life without despair about life. - Albert Camus

Remind yourself that it's okay not to be perfect. - Unknown

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop. - H L Mencken

Life exists for the love of music or beautiful things. - G K Chesterton

Love is more than a candle. Love can ignite the stars. - Matthew W. Stover

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. - Oscar Wilde

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. - Aristotle

I love Marlon Brando. Never seen him bad, just less good. - Lee Marvin

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. - Walt Disney

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. - Robert Frost

So many catastrophes in love are only accidents of egotism. - Hector Bianciotti

Math, it's a puzzle to me. I love figuring out puzzles. - Maya Lin

I have found that if you love life, life will love you back. - Arthur Rubinstein

In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make. - Paul McCartney

Don't marry a tennis player - love means nothing to them. - Joan Rivers

I am the least difficult of men. All I want is boundless love. - Frank O'Hara

The call of love sounds very hollow among these immobile rocks. - Gustav Mahler

I have fallen in love with someone who is hiding inside of you. - Hafiz

Love is something sent from heaven to worry the hell out of you. - Dolly Parton

For business, our Internet love affair was a gift from the gods. - Gary Vaynerchuk

When you love someone all your saved up wishes start coming out. - Elizabeth Bowen

Love ceases to be a puzzle the moment you find the missing piece. - Olaotan Fawehinmi

I love Cincinnati, but you can keep that spaghetti chili product. - Ron White

It is possible to be in love with you just because of who you are. - Maggie Stiefvater

I enjoy my fun time and everything like that but I love what I do. - Christina Milian

One who marries for love along will have bad days but good nights. - Egyptian Proverb

Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things. - Keanu Reeves

To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best. - William Makepeace Thackeray

Who marries for love without money has merry nights and sorry days. - Scottish Proverb

I would love to voice an animated penguin or platypus at some point. - Jack Falahee

A friendship that like love is warm; A love like friendship, steady. - Thomas Moore

There is time for work. And time for love. That leaves no other time. - Coco Chanel

I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you. - Paulo Coelho

We shouldn't teach great books; we should teach a love of reading. - B.F. Skinner

Love is something eternal; the aspect may change, but not the essence. - Vincent van Gogh

The biggest sin in the world would be if I lost my love for the ocean. - Laird Hamilton

Calamity is the perfect glass wherein we truly see and know ourselves. - William D'Avenant

A man is often too young to marry, but a man is never too old to love. - Finnish Proverb

I don't want to live - I want to love first and live incidentally. - Zelda Fitzgerald

When we cannot get what we love, we must love what is within our reach. - French proverb

Who would ever think that so much can go on in the soul of a young girl? - Anne Frank

Love puts the fun in together, the sad in apart, and the joy in a heart. - Unknown

Love wouldn't be blind if the braille weren't so damned much fun. - Armistead Maupin

I love hockey because of the respect for history and for the game itself. - George Vecsey

So, fall asleep love, loved by me... for I know love, I am loved by thee. - Robert Browning

If there's one thing I know, it's that God does love a good joe-k. - Hugh Elliott

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. - Confucius

Those who love peace must learn to organize as well as those who love war. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit. - Peter Ustinov

I write many essays on whales. I love whales, especially orcas. And dolphins. - Millie B. Brown

Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them - but not for love. - William Shakespeare

On stage I make love to twenty five thousand people; and then I go home alone. - Janis Joplin

Always it's Spring,and everyone's in love and flowers pick themselves. - e e cummings

A woman's best love letters are always written to the man she is betraying. - Lawrence Durrell

Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself. - Robin Williams

He who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love. - St. Basil of Caesarea

The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread. - Mother Teresa

As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with words. - William Shakespeare

Let us always meet each other with a smile, for a smile is the beginning of love. - Mother Theresa

I love my squirrel and dumplings, but you can make it with chicken and dumplings. - Kay Robertson

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - Henry Ward Beecher

We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love. - Tom Robbins

We have within us an extraordinary capacity for love, joy, and unshakable freedom. - Jack Kornfield

I love contemporary art, although I wouldn't want a pickled shark in my house. - Bruno Tonioli

Well, at least he has found his true love - what a pity he can't marry himself. - Frank Sinatra

People love me. And you know what, I have been very successful. Everybody loves me. - Donald Trump

A little kindness from person to person is better than a vast love for all humankind. - Richard Dehmel

Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else. - George Bernard Shaw

I think it's the dumbest thing I've ever heard... in love with Adolph Hitler. - Donald Trump

Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness. - Bertrand Russell

Love endures only when the lovers love many things together and not merely each other. - Walter Lippmann

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen

Love melts the rigor which the rocks have bred; a flint will break upon a feather bed. - John Cleveland

A consultant is a man who knows 147 ways to make love, but doesn't know any women. - Unknown

Love and respect are the most important aspects of parenting, and of all relationships. - Jodie Foster

I'd love to sell out completely. It's just that nobody has been willing to buy. - John Waters

Your inner understanding of love can be extended beyond all you have ever known, before. - Eleesha

When you're in love, it's the most glorious two-and-a-half minutes of your life. - Richard Lewis

There are a lot of things happening that show us that this, right now, is a time to love. - Stevie Wonder

The only place you’re sure to find love is at the end of a letter from your mother. - Bruce Lansky

In melody divine,
My heart it beats to rapturous love,
I long to call you mine. - Unknown

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children. - Dave Barry

I'm in love with the potential of miracles. For me, the safest place is out on a limb. - Shirley MacLaine

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch. - George Burns

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

I see their souls, and I hold them in my hands, and because I love them they weigh nothing. - Pearl Bailey

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance. - Oscar Wilde

Earth's the right place for love: I don’t know where it's likely to go better. - Robert Frost

The longest absence is less perilous to love than the terrible trials of incessant proximity. - Ouida

Love deeply, love without jealousy, love blissfully and help each other to be more meditative. - Osho

The romantic idealism of my youth has been replaced with realism and hard work at what I love. - Monique Roffey

I need to tone up, as I eat a lot of fast food. I love Maccy D's, Subway and Domino's. - Amy Childs

Be humble enough to admit you're not perfect, but determined enough to strive to be perfect. - Unknown

Be thankful for what you have. You have no idea how many people would love to have what you got. - Unknown

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it. - Josh Billings

Whoever loves much, performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well. - Vincent Van Gogh

Love is not finding someone to live with; it’s finding someone you can’t live without. - Rafael Ortiz

Chocolate symbolizes, as does no other food, luxury, comfort, sensuality, gratification, and love. - Karl Petzke

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. - Bible

Italy, and the spring and first love all together should suffice to make the gloomiest person happy. - Bertrand Russell

The core of true success is love. And that includes loving yourself enough to take care of yourself. - Zig Ziglar

Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy - both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me. - Michael Scott

Those marriages generally abound most with love and constancy, that are preceded by a long courtship. - Joseph Addison

Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall. A mother's secret hope outlives them all. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me. - Groucho Marx

Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love, to work, to play and to look up at the stars. - Henry van Dyke

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen

If people did not love one another, I really don't see what use there would be in having any spring. - Victor Hugo

A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left. - Marilyn Monroe

The time I burned my guitar it was like a sacrifice. You sacrifice the things you love. I love my guitar. - Jimi Hendrix

I'm a games and theory king of guy. I love puzzles, so it was fun dissecting Shakespeare's prose. - Neil Patrick Harris

No woman is worth more than a fiver unless you're in love with her. Then she is worth all she costs you. - W Somerset Maugham

To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring. - George Santayana

The Eskimos had fifty-two names for snow because it was important to them: there ought to be as many for love. - Margaret Atwood

Even in the midst of life's adversity, struggle or strife, love's enduring presence remains steadfast. - Eleesha

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

I'm working on a second cookbook and am working on my love story, 'Black Heels to Tractor Wheels.' - Ree Drummond

Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely. - Hawkeye

I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner

I played basketball in high school, and I love watching sports - I'll watch everything except maybe hockey. - Andy Roddick

For twenty-four years I've been in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me. - Henny Youngman

If we would build on a sure foundation in friendship, we must love friends for their sake rather than for our own. - Charlotte Bronte

I have a huge interest in hockey because I grew up in Canada, where it's kind of the law that you love hockey. - Matthew Perry

I don't really drink sodas, but when I have popcorn or pizza I need a little. It's the perfect combination. - Alessandra Ambrosio

Every man is afraid of something. That's how you know he's in love with you; when he is afraid of losing you. - Unknown

Competition can damage self-esteem, create anxiety, and lead to cheating and hurt feelings. But so can romantic love. - Mariah Burton Nelson

Imagine if you succeeded in making the world perfect for your children what a shock the rest of life would be for them. - Joyce Maynard

Whoever said love is blind is dead wrong. Love is the only thing that lets us see each other with the remotest accuracy. - Martha Beck

The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings. - J.M. Barrie

There's an upside to grandparenthood. You play, you give, you love, then you hand them back and go to an early movie. - Billy Crystal

But here's what I've learned in this war, in this country, in this city: to love the miracle of having been born. - Oriana Fallaci

Freedom has many difficulties and democracy is not perfect. But we have never had to put a wall up to keep our people in. - John F Kennedy

Question everything. Your love, your religion, your passion. If you don't have questions, you'll never find answers. - Colleen Hoover

Love is like a beautiful flower which I may not touch, but whose fragrance makes the garden a place of delight just the same. - Helen Keller

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world. - Lucille Ball

What I love the most about surfing is that it's my first love. It's the first thing I can remember being consumed by. - Stephanie Gilmore

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. - Romans 8:28

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. - Marianne Williamson

I like Pirate's Booty. Prunes and olives, too. I love hummus. I can eat that until I die. I tend to eat mostly organic food. - Queen Latifah

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker

I can't promise that I'll be here for the rest of your life, but I can promise that I'll love you for the rest of mine. - Unknown

Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots. - Hoosier Farmer

If you have love, you don't need to have anything else. If you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have. - James M. Barrie

When it comes to hockey, it's been in my blood since I was 3 or 4 years old. I love coaching the kids, especially at that level. - Mario Lemieux

I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love. - Marilyn Monroe

Love is much nicer to be in than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding pattern over Philadelphia. - Judith Viorst

Or maybe spring is the season of love and fall the season of mad lust. Spring for flirting but fall for the untamed delicious wild thing. - Elizabeth Cohen

You don't need endless time and perfect conditions. Do it now. Do it today. Do it for twenty minutes and watch your heart start beating. - Barbara Sher

To be kind to all, to like many and love a few, to be needed and wanted by those we love, is certainly the nearest we can come to happiness. - Mary Roberts Rinehart

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, or worn. It is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace & gratitude. - Denis Waitley

Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground. - Jarod Kintz


Construction Clouds

Milk Conversion

Basketball Cake

Nintendo Auto Correct

Too Soon

Rap Piano

Vacuum Extender

Makeup Mirror

Sun Son Power

That Was Zen

My Kind Of Marathon

Water Couch

Bus Head Rest

How Cumulus Clouds Are Formed

Octopie

How To Cook A Deer

I Love Tuba

Dogtor

Mal Nutrition

Jogging Bike

Bathroom Privacy Screen

Science World

Solemate

Chick Incubator