#1 humor site on the 'net

Found The Jackpot

Little Johnny grew up with Whiskey Soothers

Found The Jackpot thanks to Howard Chapman

QuotaBills
I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

I like a wine that fights back. - John Steed

Wine is my favorite 4 letter word. - Unknown

Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

I like my whiskey old and my women young. - Errol Flynn

Every cask smells of the wine it contains. - Spanish Proverb

We only serve fine wine. Did you bring any? - Unknown

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

Wine improves with age. I improve with wine. - Unknown

Good friends, like wine, get better with age. - Unknown

Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch. - Andy Rooney

Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields

Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting? - WC Fields

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini. - Mae West

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

Too much of anything is bad. Too much of good whisky is barely enough. - Mark Twain

Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. - Pope John XXIII

I'll have a "Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte" to go, please. - Unknown

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. - George Best

I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back. - Steven Wright

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

Common sense is just as good a critic of the lottery as any statistical breakdown. - Hunter Baker

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts. - Samuel Johnson

Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities. - Lord Dunsany

I'll bring ya a bottle of champagne. Maybe I'll even bring home a whole maggot. - Archie Bunker

New York champagne - that's a phony label. They don't grow raisins in New York. - Archie Bunker

My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. - Unknown

Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism. - Carl Jung

I'm making wine at home, but I'm making it out of raisins so it will be aged automatically. - Steven Wright

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

We have embarked upon the world's largest and longest cocktail party, and every issue imaginable is up for grabs. - Geoffrey Moore

I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. - Pat Paulsen

You pretty much can't get away from bacon or whiskey in the South. Put a doughnut in it and you'd be good to go. - Hillary Scott

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

Irish whiskey was first developed for its medicinal benefits. It's just lucky for the rest of us that the Irish are such a sickly bunch. - Unknown

When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea. - Ernest Hemingway

Morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey, to be preserved in cells. - William Taylor

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - Joe-kster


Cultural Exchange

Meowzart

Bonus Baby

Strawberry Heart

Water Skiing in Russia

Plumber's Party

Hand Face

Moon Harvest

Reach For The High-Hanging Fruit

CheckMate

Ship Tow

Redneck Turkey Shoot

Costco Wine

Downer Parking

Baconurkey

Camel Herders of the 21st Century

Redneck Palm Pilot

Turkey Day Selfie

Spool Turkey

Meal Alert

Turkey Not

Thanksgiving Harvest Time

Turkey Wants You To Eat Pork

Going Cold Turkey