#1 humor site on the 'net

Da Queen

The Royal House of Clinton responds to tiresome questions

Da Queen thanks to Jim Serritella

As you know, my dear people, for the last year the Royal House of Clinton has been tormented by questions about our handling of finances and subjected to tiresome questions about the tragic events in Benghazi - in the furthest regions of our empire. And, sadly, also questions about my Royal e-mails.

Nevertheless, I will not be daunted in my desire and commitment to serve you, the people. For the next eight months I will be traveling among you as one of you, to listen to your deepest longings and needs. I will be with you in your Wal-Marts, and beside you in your Burger Kings. I will drive with you down the busy interstate highways of our land, sharing your poverty and needs.

How well I remember the days when the Duke of Arkansas and I were impoverished. After we were expelled from our Washington Palace we hardly had two mansions to rub together. We were so poor that we removed thousands of dollars of china, flatware, carpets and gifts from the Washington Palace just to survive. Shockingly, unscrupulous and ungrateful officials later forced us to return many of these treasures. Now, happily, benefactors from around our empire have given me just enough for us to scrape by.

During these difficult times, we had to cut back. When our daughter was married, we only had three million dollars to spend on her wedding. And, I remember our hopes, as she moved into her $10 million Manhattan apartment, that one day she would be able to move on from that humble abode to something more fitting. After working for MSNBC for a starting salary of a mere $600,000 per year, what else could she do? So I now pay her $3,000,000 a year to run the ‘Foundation’.

So, as I travel across our kingdom to meet you all, I will be listening and sharing with you. Then, when the time for the Royal Election & Coronation comes, I know I can count on you to crown me as your rightful monarch, with my assurance that I will continue King Obama’s policies, and we can all live happily ever after in La-La land.

Your Queen-in-Waiting,
Hilarity Rodham Clinton

QuotaBills
Politics makes strange red-fellows. - Will Rogers

In politics the middle way is none at all. - John Adams

A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying

Me and your mother ain't no duke or duke-ess. - Archie Bunker

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun. - R Buckminster Fuller

The art of government is the organization of idolatry. - George Bernard Shaw

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. - Edward Langley

The military don't start wars. Politicians start wars. - William Westmoreland

Poetry is about the grief. Politics is about the grievance. - Robert Frost

You can't get rich in politics unless you're a crook. - Harry S Truman

A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top. - James Reston

An honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere. - Mark Twain

We have the best government in the world... that money can buy. - Mark Twain

Politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. - Charles de Gaulle

I believe that truth is the glue that holds government together. - Gerald R. Ford

History is a tool used by politicians to justify their intentions. - Ted Koppei

The sad duty of politics is to establish justice in a sinful world. - Reinhold Niebuhr

A politician will do anything to keep his job - even become a patriot. - William Randolph

Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty

Bad politicians are sent to Washington by good people who don't vote. - William E. Simon

A goose flies by a chart the Royal Geographical Society could not improve. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Government of the people, by the people, and for the pursuit of happiness. - Archie Bunker

No science is immune to the infection of politics and the corruption of power. - Jacob Bronowski

A filmmaker we almost lost to politics... my friend and colleague, Warren Beatty. - Jack Nicholson

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated. - Will Rogers

Everyone wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes. - Werner Finck

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher

I must study politics and war that my sons may have the liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. - John Adams

Ex-Presidents of the United States get state subsidies. Not so in Russia. You get no government support. - Mikhail Gorbachev

Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. - John Kenneth Galbraith

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason. - José Maria de Eça de Queiroz

At present, our country needs women's idealism and determination, perhaps more in politics than anywhere else. - Shirley Chisholm

Our whole constitutional heritage rebels at the thought of giving government the power to control men's minds. - Thurgood Marshall

In politics it is necessary either to betray one's country or the electorate. I prefer to betray the electorate. - Charles de Gaulle

Physicians and politicians resemble one another in this respect, that some defend the constitution and others destroy it. - Unknown

Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. - Ronald Reagan

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. - Bill Vaughan

In Mexico, an air-conditioner is called a "politician" because it makes a lot of noise but doesn't work very well. - Len Deighton

An election is coming. Universal peace is declared, and the foxes have a sincere interest in prolonging the lives of the poultry. - George Eliot

Hillary Clinton was the worst Secretary of State in the history of the country. The world came apart under her reign as Secretary of State. - Donald Trump


Wings Fans Are Ruthless

Temple Car

Netherlands Parking Lot

Model T Snowmobile

Tulip Snowpath

New Audi

Tower of Hammocks

Family Birthday Reminder

Dead Batteries

Ostrich Bush

Tetris Cake

T-Rex Shadow

Ordnance Table

Wine Bibber

Redneck Wireless Selfie

Tylenol Ban

GoosePrints

Louisiana Potholes

Cheers!

Billy Goat Gruff

Girlfriend Math

Coffee Days

Marathon Runner Tip

Seaweed Burger