#1 humor site on the 'net

Car Elas Sale

Passing by a backwards proposition

Car Elas Sale thanks to Tricia Dockrell

Sign of an Israeli car salesman? Hebrew is written and read from right to left, rather than left to right as in English

QuotaBills
A riot is the language of the unheard. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. - Robert Benchley

We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. - Buck Henry

There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge

Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain

Someone told me that each equation I included in the book would halve the sales. - Stephen Hawking

The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

Marketers need to build digital relationships and reputation before closing a sale. - Chris Brogan

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde

I used to think that one of the great signs of security was the ability to just walk away. - Jack Nicholson

Language is our meeting place, the sea we live in…it is the common ground of our humanity. - Toby Wolfe

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times. - Tim Allen

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright

I went to a garage sale. "How much for the garage?" "It's not for sale." - Steven Wright

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving. - Steven Wright

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

Violence of language leads to violence of action. Angry men seldom fight if their tongues do not lead the fray. - Charles V Roman

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

Already, companies that speak in the language of the pitch, the dog-and-pony show, are no longer speaking to anyone. - Unknown

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright


Revolutionary Cooking

Fish View

Pilot Bike

Stealth Woman

1st Rolex

Dish Dryer

Young Mechanic

Angry Mathematician

McLobster

Cliff Walks

Reading Chair

Puzzle Ad

Feeding Time

Rural Free Delivery

Urban Camper

Fractured Foot or Hand?

Yolkswagon

March of the Penguins - Canadian Version

Shoelusion

Almost Done

Swim Vacation

Foot Circle

Sumo Fault

Psychic Fair