#1 humor site on the 'net

Wife Consumption

Reducing the high cost of electricity

Wife Consumption thanks to Keith Blake

How to read your Electric Meter

Create your own high performance Energy Meter

QuotaBills
Take my wife - please! - Henny Youngman

Electrical degenerators - Archie Bunker

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone. - W H Auden

Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. - Jimmy Durante

As a moth gnaws a garment, so doth envy consume a man. - Saint John Chrysostom

A woman is attractive when she is somebody else's wife. - African Proverb

A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman

A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Begehot

Behind every successful man is a woman.
Behind her is his wife. - Groucho Marx

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. - William Butler Yeats

My wife and I are getting remarried. Our divorce didn't work out. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife likes the hockey smell because it's the smell of a warrior. - David Walton

Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch. - Cathy Carlyle

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield

My best friend ran away with my wife. And let me tell you, I really miss him. - Henny Youngman

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. - Red Skelton

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. - Jimmy Carter

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. - Henny Youngman

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby

Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will. - George Lucas

In Las Vegas, a man said to his wife, "Give me the money I told you not to give me." - Henny Youngman

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. - Rodney Dangerfield

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with 28 years ago. - Will Rogers

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno

Psychiatrist: a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free. - Unknown

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop. - Winston Churchill

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

She's so fat she's my two best friends. She wears stretch caftans. She's got more chins than the Chinese telephone directory. - Joan Rivers

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to "the best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me. - Rodney Dangerfield

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle


Wet Insect

Teahouse of the August Moon

Server Tray

Model T Ford Repair Costs in 1928

Lowdown Volvo

Drone Crossing

Prince Bag

Ghetto Hammock

Tea Remedy

Cooking For Guys

Sun Dial Fail

I Like Cooking

Wine Secret

Lean Beer

Tip Discount

Cake Message

Where Astronauts Hang Out

In Deep Water

Travel Mints

Kelpies

Late Lecture

Throne Games

Madeleine Albright

Walkies