#1 humor site on the 'net

Vegan Brownies

Recipe for gluten-free, sugarless compost

Vegan Brownies thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Dietary vegans (or strict vegetarians) refrain from consuming animal products, not only meat but, in contrast to ovo-lacto vegetarians, also eggs, dairy products and other animal-derived substances

QuotaBills
Fine words do not produce food. - Nigeria Proverb

The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - American Saying

A proverb is to speech what salt is to food. - Arabic Proverb

Fame is a fickle food upon a shifting plate. - Emily Dickinson

She did not so much cook as assassinate food. - Storm Jameson

Queuing tips for fans: wrap up and bring food! - Niall Horan

I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde

Where love sets the table, food tastes at its best. - French Proverb

Laughter is brightest in the place where the food is. - Ireland Proverb

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

The cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good, spit it out. - Unknown

A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of. - Jane Austen

I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it. - Steven Wright

I'm a bit of a gourmet chef. I love cooking - mostly Thai food. - Will Ferrell

If you are looking for a fly in your food, it means that you are full. - South Africa Proverb

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. - Totie Fields

A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children. - David Brenner

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen

No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated by any other means. - Maimonides

Advice is like cooking - you should try it first before you feed it to others. - Unknown

An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed. - A.J. Liebling

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. - WC Fields

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis

The first time I tried organic wheat bread, I thought I was chewing on roofing material. - Robin Williams

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

So long as you have food in your mouth, you have solved all questions for the time being. - Franz Kafka

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose. - Garrison Keillor

I'm on a strict liquid diet: Mimosas for breakfast, Margaritas for lunch, Martinis for dinner. - Unknown

If fat people just gave skinny people more food, we could solve obesity and hunger at the same time. - Ashton Kutcher

Number theorists are like lotus-eaters – having once tasted of this food they can never give it up. - Leopold Kronecker

What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you. - Nora Ephron

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

No matter what the recipe, any baker can do wonders in the kitchen with some good ingredients and an upbeat attitude. - Buddy Valastro

A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else... even the fact that I'm on a diet. - Barbara Brooke

The disparity between a restaurant's price and food quality rises in direct proportion to the size of the pepper mill. - Bryan Miller

I like simple food, seasoned with just salt, pepper, oil and vinegar. Complicated food and complicated lives are never good. - Sirio Maccioni

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

One of my biggest fears is that I'm going to die alone in my home, and my cats will eat me because I am too dead to open their food cans. - Kelli Jae Baeli

The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. - Edward I Kock


Stereo Bike

Yoga in Palm Springs

Bartender Spill

Tetris Logger

Pigging Out in El Paso

Foot Care

Guitar Dog

Cutout Coin Silhouettes

Tree Tattoo

Alt-Ctrl-Del Pillows

Portable GPS

Australian Cyclist

Helicopter Cuts

Holland Bike Lane - For Pros Only

Twins' First Piano Lesson

Foosball for Girls

Youth Walk

Last Selfie

Broccoli Muffins

Get Along Shirt

Rooftop Steps

It's Not My Job

Mathematician's Truck

Redneck Baby Stroller