#1 humor site on the 'net

Tree Duet

How arborists bring music to the park

Tree Duet thanks to Anne Pulice

QuotaBills
My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

Trees often transplanted seldom prosper. - Flemish Proverb

The righteous will flourish like the palm tree. - Psalms 92:12

Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do. - Ronald Reagan

Once there was a tree, and she loved a little boy. - Shel Silverstein

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

If you hate where you are, move - you are not a tree. - Unknown

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

He knows his olive trees better than he knows his children. - Rebecca Helm-Ropelato

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree. - Joyce Kilmer

Native ability without education is like a tree without fruit. - Aristippus

Character is the root of the tree; conduct, the fruit it bears. - E.M. Bounds

Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come. - Chinese Proverb

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, does it make a sound? - Unknown

Death is just a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees. - J.J. Furnas

Learn not to talk to me. You shake the tree, a leopard's going to fall out. - Kobe Bryant

Each has his own tree of ancestors, but at the top of all sits Probably Arboreal. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming

Trees are not known by their leaves, nor even by their blossoms, but by their fruits. - Eleanor of Aquitaine

The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit. - Nelson Henderson

Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. - Martin Luther

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. - Thomas Jefferson

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

It's better to fall from a tree and break your back than to fall in love and break your heart. - African Proverb

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Every two months, I would get an email, 'Skeleton Twins update: still don't have the money!' - Bill Hader

The reason there are so many tree-lined boulevards in Paris is so the German army can march in the shade. - George S Patton

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. - Abraham Lincoln

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet. - Hal Borland

As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. - Woody Allen

If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed; if in terms of ten years, plant trees; if in terms of 100 years, teach the people. - Confucius

I glanced out the window at the signs of spring. The sky was almost blue, the trees were almost budding, the sun was almost bright. - Millard Kaufman

I think trees should bloom earlier in the spring. They act like they are on a schedule. It’s not like they have anywhere to go. - Jarod Kintz

On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat,
But his face you could not see,
On account of his Beaver Hat. - Edward Lear

Only when the last tree has withered, and the last fish caught, and the last river been poisoned, will we realize we cannot eat money. - Cree Proverb

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. - Albert Einstein

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin


Chest Walk

Car Axident

Energy Saver

Karate Knife

God Darts

How To Improve New Orleans

Alberta Hood Ornament

Florida Golf Hazard

'Cover Girl' Magazine

Baby Clone

Smooth Leaning Shoes

One Glass Per Day

Paradise Found

Rastaurant

Billionaire Thoughts

Waiting Is Good

Low Expectation Autographs

Hide and Seek

1st Baby Photo

British Holiday

Katoomba Railway

Master Reference Binder

Spot The Surfer

In Hind Sight