#1 humor site on the 'net

Tree Duet

How arborists bring music to the park

Tree Duet thanks to Anne Pulice

QuotaBills
My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

The righteous will flourish like the palm tree. - Psalms 92:12

Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do. - Ronald Reagan

Once there was a tree, and she loved a little boy. - Shel Silverstein

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit. - Moliere

If you hate where you are, move - you are not a tree. - Unknown

The patriot's blood is the seed of Freedom's tree. - Thomas Campbell

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree. - Joyce Kilmer

Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come. - Chinese Proverb

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, does it make a sound? - Unknown

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. - Chinese Proverb

Death is just a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees. - J.J. Furnas

There are two things in this life for which we are never fully prepared: twins. - Josh Billingsad

Learn not to talk to me. You shake the tree, a leopard's going to fall out. - Kobe Bryant

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. - Fred Allen

Each has his own tree of ancestors, but at the top of all sits Probably Arboreal. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming

Trees are not known by their leaves, nor even by their blossoms, but by their fruits. - Eleanor of Aquitaine

A cold wind was blowing from the north, and it made the trees rustle like living things. - George R.R. Martin

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them. - Bill Vaughan

Transplanting the ballet to the United States is like trying to raise a palm tree in Dakota. - Lincoln Kirsten

Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. - Martin Luther

If you reveal your secrets to the wind, don't blame the wind for revealing them to the trees. - Unknown

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

It's better to fall from a tree and break your back than to fall in love and break your heart. - African Proverb

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

Every two months, I would get an email, 'Skeleton Twins update: still don't have the money!' - Bill Hader

The reason there are so many tree-lined boulevards in Paris is so the German army can march in the shade. - George S Patton

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does. - George Bernard Shaw

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet. - Hal Borland

When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious. - Unknown

As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. - Woody Allen

If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed; if in terms of ten years, plant trees; if in terms of 100 years, teach the people. - Confucius

On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat,
But his face you could not see,
On account of his Beaver Hat. - Edward Lear

Wolves directly affect the entire ecosystem, not just moose populations, their main prey, because less moose equals more tree growth. - Rolf Peterson

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown


Five Pound Note

Selena Stopmez

AirHeads

Redneck Power Windows

Race Break

Mirror Fence

Look Both Ways

No-iPhone Kids

Dog Haircut

Loose Lips Sink Ships

Donkey Refill

Self Portrait for Squirrels

Coin Stacking

Hooking Penalty

Zebra Bus Stop

Best Friend Theft

Chewie, We're Home

Police Rides

Bird Smoker

Hot Mexican Deals

Coffin Escape

African Airlines

Who Let The Dogs Out?

Autographed Copy