#1 humor site on the 'net

Royals Leave Hospital

Prince Harry and The Great Kate Wait

Royals Leave Hospital thanks to Emery Pettigrove

Kate Middleton and Prince William introduce Charlotte Elizabeth Diana

QuotaBills
What Britain needs is an iron lady. - Margaret Thatcher

England is a nation of shopkeepers. - Napoleon Bonaparte

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

When you strike at a king, you must kill him. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tea to the English is really a picnic indoors. - Alice Walker

Women in London must have learned not to breathe. - Irene Trimble

The English never draw a line without blurring it. - Winston Churchill

The English contribution to world cuisine. The chip. - John Cleese

In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. - Erasmus

Hunger is felt by a slave and hunger is felt by a king. - Ashanti Proverb

He speaks English, Spanish, and he's bilingual too. - Don King

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

The best thing I know between France and England is the sea. - Douglas Jerrold

Irene Lorenzo, queen of the Women's Lubrication Movement. - Archie Bunker

The English winter - ending in July, to recommence in August. - Lord Byron

You know it's summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer. - Hal Roach

Britain's last gold medal was a bronze in 1952 in Helsinki. - Nigel Starmer-Smith

If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English. - Wilfred Sheed

Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland - rich and thick. - Samuel Beckett

In England there are sixty different religions and only one sauce. - Francesco Caracciolo

At the end of the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box. - Italian Proverb

We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English. - Winston Churchill

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

Elvis may have been the king of rock 'n roll, but I am the queen. - Little Richard

Britain's most useful role is somewhere between bee and dinosaur. - Harold MacMillan

The institution of royalty in any form is an insult to the human race. - Mark Twain

England is an empire, Germany is a nation, a race, France is a person. - Jules Michelet

The English are not an inventive people; they don't eat enough pie. - Thomas Edison

Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper. - Adelle Davis

When it's three o'clock in New York, it's still 1938 in London. - Bette Midler

I used to go missing a lot... Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss World. - George Best

There are ways of singing in English that are not just the same as in French. - Coeur de Pirate

Martin Luther King took us to the mountaintop; I want to take us to the bank. - Don King

Exercise is king, nutrition is queen. Put them together and you have a kingdom. - Jack LaLanne

The people of England are never so happy as when you tell them they are ruined. - Arthur Murphy

My way of joe-king is telling the truth; that is the funniest joke in the world. - George Bernard Shaw

Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead

My favourite characters in the Bible are King David, Delilah and Charlton Heston. - Milton Berle

On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners. - George Mikes

There's nothing like an English weirdo. We have the best nutters in the world. - Sharon Osbourne

I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. - Groucho Marx

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles. - Garrison Keillor

Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I

The trouble with Ireland is that it's a country full of genius, with absolutely no talent. - Hugh Leonard

I want a house with a garden, but slap bang in the centre of London. Next door to a sushi bar. - Michelle Dockery

A broken heart is a very pleasant complaint for a man in London if he has a comfortable income. - George Bernard Shaw

Ireland is a small but insuppressible island half an hour nearer the sunset than Great Britain. - Thomas Kettle

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison. - Unknown

I had to have some balls to be Irish Catholic in South London. Most of that time I spent fighting. - Pierce Brosnan

The Kingdom of France will be thus ruled by King Charles VII... He will enter Paris in good company. - Joan of Arc

The English country gentleman galloping after a fox - the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable. - Oscar Wilde

I'm a games and theory king of guy. I love puzzles, so it was fun dissecting Shakespeare's prose. - Neil Patrick Harris

There is no king who has not had a slave among his ancestors, and no slave who has not had a king among his. - Helen Keller

I have a catch phrase: "You're fired," ... Don King has a catch phrase: "Not Guilty." - Donald Trump

Larry Gogan: 'With what town in Britain is Shakespeare associated?'
Contestant: 'Hamlet'. - Larry Gogan

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

If it is good to have one foot in England, it is still better, or at least as good, to have the other out of it. - Henry James

No bum that can't speak poifect English oughta stay in this country - oughta be de-exported the hell outta here! - Archie Bunker

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde

If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson

The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad.
For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad. - G K Chesterton

Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt

Every street in London has a camera, and if you ever travel up the M4, it feels as if George Orwell should be your chauffeur. - Don McCullin

The diamond may adorn royalty, regardless of personal worth; but jewels of thought render even poverty illustrious and sublime. - Gems for the Fireside

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

I think what's going on with gorillas is pretty bad. The fact is that you can buy gorilla meat in London any day you want it. - Adam Ant

Cricket - a game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity. - Lord Mancroft

Lincolnshire is the Idaho of England. You were either going to drive a tractor for the rest of your life or head for the city to work in a factory. - Bernie Taupin


Is Laughter The Best Medicine?

Plastered Wall Plasterer

Waffle Board

Stairway Repair

Cowboy Bubble Bath

Trunk Load

Centennial Puff

Don't Be A Stick In The Mud

Redneck Hitch Attachment

Texas Rims

Window Fall Repair

Louvre Paintings

Parking Spot For Women

Generations Past And Present

Jumping The Gun

New Speed Trap

Window Cleaning in New York

Welcome Beer Mat

Mr. Dressup II

Puppy Special

Breast Cancer Cure

Who Needs Physics?

Bach Scratching

OCD Cookie Jar