#1 humor site on the 'net

Go Winterized

Stop and Go on winter roads

Go Winterized thanks to Barry McCartney

QuotaBills
Room service - don't send up any more ice. - WC Fields

If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet? - Steven Wright

The New Year begins in a snow-storm of white vows. - George William Curtis

A book must be the ax for the frozen sea within us. - Franz Kafka

In skating over thin ice our safety is in our speed. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Without ice cream there would be darkness and chaos. - Don Kardong

Was the ground cold when you crawled out this morning? - Henny Youngman

What good is warmth without cold to give it sweetness? - John Steinbeck

A diamond is the only kind of ice that keeps a girl warm. - Elizabeth Taylor

I don't jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass. - David Lee Roth

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. - David Lee Roth

Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water! - Groucho Marx

If you're already walking on thin ice, you might as well dance. - Proverb

Sadness is more or less like a head cold - with patience, it passes. - Barbara Kingsolver

Life is too short to eat vanilla ice cream and dance with boring men. - Unknown

She walked across the ballroom as if she were trudging through deep snow. - Noel Coward

If you want to make everyone happy, don't be a leader. Sell ice cream. - Steve Jobs

The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear. - Josh Billins

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

Always give them the old fire, even when you feel like a squashed cake of ice. - Ethel Merman

As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with words. - William Shakespeare

I came from Canada, where it's freezing cold for seven months out of the year. - Rachelle Lefevre

A cold wind was blowing from the north, and it made the trees rustle like living things. - George R.R. Martin

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

I like ice hockey. No one is ever going to ask me to write about that as a metaphor for life. - Steven Pinker

There's one good thing about snow: it makes your lawn look as nice as your neighbor's. - Clyde Moore

A statistician can have his head in the oven and his feet in ice, and on average he feels fine. - Unknown

We all get the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summer. The poor get it in the winter. - Bat Masterson

Just 'cause there's snow in the basement don't mean there ain't no fire in the roof! - Archie Bunker

Advice is like snow, the softer it falls the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. - Ogden Nash

The Eskimos had fifty-two names for snow because it was important to them: there ought to be as many for love. - Margaret Atwood

When you're stressed, eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled backwards is desserts. - Unknown

In any world menu, Canada must be considered the vichyssoise of nations - it's cold, half-French, and difficult to stir. - Stuart Keate

My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate - that's my philosophy. - Thornton Wilder

I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today." - Steven Wright

Iron rusts from disuse; stagnant water loses its purity and in cold weather becomes frozen; even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind. - Leonardo da Vinci

A giraffe's coffee would be cold by the time it reached the bottom of its throat. Ever think about that? No. You only think about yourself. - Unknown

NBC News just called it "The Great Freeze" - coldest weather in years. Is our country still spending money on the global warming hoax? - Donald Trump


Why Germans Don't Play Scrabble

Moose Team

Catnip Garden

Tire Substitute

Monday Flowers

Lawntastic Scenery

Hallway Detour

For Your Synths

Ladder Load

Beach Drag

Amish Smart Car

Sitting on the Hot Seat

Redneck Wiener Roast

Free Trip To Heaven

Is There a Hell For Animals?

Double Line Parking

Without Government

Nose For Coke

Crisp Chips

3 Stages Of A Man's Life

Tipsy Crane

Clear View

Redneck Ladder

Home Depot Delivery