#1 humor site on the 'net

Child Instrument

What are you proficient with?

Child Instrument thanks to Howard Chapman

QuotaBills
Success is the child of audacity. - Benjamin Disraeli

Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. - Charles Lamb

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

Your children need your presence more than your presents. - Jesse Jackson

We must teach our children to dream with their eyes open. - Harry Edwards

Our children are only as brilliant as we allow them to be. - Eric Micha'el Leventhal

If our American way of life fails the child, it fails us all. - Pearl S. Buck

What you teach your own children is what you really believe in. - Cathy Warner Weatherford

Children are one third of our population and all of our future. - Unknown

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. - Fran Lebowitz

As a child, the only clear thought I had was "Get candy." - Jerry Seinfeld

Every child needs a father. Even if he turns out to be Darth Vader. - Jackson Radcliffe

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration. - Thomas Edison

It is spring again. The earth is like a child that knows poems by heart. - Rainer M. Rilke

Too many of today's children have straight teeth and crooked morals. - Unknown

There's only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. - English Proverb

Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives. - Maya Angelou

You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test. - George W. Bush

There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - Henry Ward Beecher

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

If you're going to write a book on how to raise children, do it before you have them. - Bob McLaren

When I was a child, I wanted to raise horses in Wyoming or be a cabin boy on a pirate ship. - Sadie Jones

Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration and inspiration. - Evan Esar

Fathers are like a lighthouse - when there is fog his children can always depend on seeing the light. - Unknown

We are the children of many sires, and every drop of blood in us in its turn ... betrays its ancestor. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

As a child, I was subjected to a lot of spaghetti Westerns and hated them. I wanted the Indians to win. - Kara Walker

I've enjoyed many camping holidays with my sister and her children, but we're pretty posh campers. - Erin O'Connor

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories. - John Wilmot

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. - Oscar Wilde

There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, employ someone, or forbid your children to do it. - Mona Crane

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. - Ogden Nash

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

The vivacity of children is always charming, because it is always sincere. A grave child is a rose without fragrance. - Unknown

There's nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child. - Frank A. Clark

Children despise their parents until the age of forty, when they suddenly become just like them, thus preserving the system. - Quentin Crewe

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken and there's a lot of throwing up. - Ray Romano

If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales. - Albert Einstein

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller


Cowboy Bubble Bath

Trunk Load

Centennial Puff

Don't Be A Stick In The Mud

Redneck Hitch Attachment

Texas Rims

Window Fall Repair

Louvre Paintings

Parking Spot For Women

Generations Past And Present

Jumping The Gun

New Speed Trap

Window Cleaning in New York

Welcome Beer Mat

Mr. Dressup II

Puppy Special

Breast Cancer Cure

Who Needs Physics?

Bach Scratching

OCD Cookie Jar

Dwarf Plane Pull

Fire Truck

When Not To Stop Too Fast

Cruise Ship Trailer