#1 humor site on the 'net

Canadian Math

Disclaimer: hockey puck velocity may vary from rink to rink

Canadian Math thanks to Jerry VanHorne

In classical mechanics, linear momentum or translational momentum is the product of the mass and velocity of an object. In Canada, p=mv where p=puck, m=movement (as in towards an octopus), and v=velo city (in Newfoundland, eh)
QuotaBills
Canada is hockey. - Mike Weir

I was bitten by an octopus. - Ted Cruz

Canada was built on dead beavers. - Margaret Atwood

I need physics more than friends. - J Robert Oppenheimer

Hockey is figure skating in a war zone. - Unknown

Mathematics: the only subject that counts. - Unknown

Canada has always been there to help people who need it. - Justin Trudeau

Figure skaters have awful perceptions of hockey players. - Kristi Yamaguchi

I grew up working in Canada so everything was low budget. - Ellen Page

In Canada, nobody is ever overthrown because nobody gives a damn. - Mordecai Richler

All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity. - Gordie Howe

By 1946, I knew Detroit was the best hockey city in the Original Six. - Ted Lindsay

My wife likes the hockey smell because it's the smell of a warrior. - David Walton

I love hockey because of the respect for history and for the game itself. - George Vecsey

People know me from a hockey game, from an earthquake, from the O.J case. - Al Michaels

Law school is the opposite of sex. Even when it's good it's lousy. - Unknown

Canada is the only country founded on the relentless pursuit of the rodent. - Preston Manning

A rainbow is the product of physics working for your appreciation of beauty. - Kyle Hill

Have you ever heard a blindfolded octopus unwrap a cellophane-covered bathtub? - Norton Juster

When God created the world, he didn't draw a line between Canada and America. - Marianne Williamson

Canada is the only country in the world that knows how to live without an identity. - Marshall McLuhan

I love Canada. I am from Canada. I will bash the Canadian government but never Canada. - Jason Priestley

I can get motivated seeing a kid at my son's school overcome a learning disability. - Jason Alexander

I study myself more than any other subject. That is my metaphysics, that is my physics, - Michel de Montaigne

I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math. - Tina Fey

Canada is founded upon principles that recognize the supremacy of God and the rule of law. - Stockwell Day

I think every entrepreneur in Canada owes the next generation a road map of how to do it again. - Kevin O'Leary

I had a feeling once about mathematics – that I saw it all... but it was after dinner and I let it go. - Winston Churchill

Mathematics is distinguished from all other sciences except only ethics, in standing in no need of ethics. - Charles Peirce

You learn how to be book smart in school, but you better not forget that you also need to be street smart. - Harvey Mackay

I went to a Catholic boys' school for a year, but that was to play hockey. Religion class was quite contentious for me. - Keanu Reeves

It is the studying you do after your school days that really counts. Otherwise, you know only that which everyone else knows. - Henry L. Doherty

When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise. - Paula Poundstone

Hockey on roller skates is like MMA in a bounce house: the elements are there, but the medium makes the whole thing ridiculous. - David Walton

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?" - Steven Wright

If you're skinny and you can't play hockey in Canada, you aren't left with a lot of options. I was left with running. - Malcolm Gladwell

I have a maple leaf tattoo over my heart, quite literally, and my two favorite things on Earth are being in Canada and making movies. - Jay Baruchel

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. - Albert Einstein

No one undertakes research in physics with the intention of winning a prize. It is the joy of discovering something no one knew before. - Stephen Hawking

Mathematics began to seem too much like puzzle solving. Physics is puzzle solving, too, but of puzzles created by nature, not by the mind of man. - Maria G. Mayer


Dunking Straw

Vatican Chess

Boot Camp

Hold On, Let Me Catch The Ball

Big Hands Baby

Fire Truck Sinkhole

Cyclist Mailbox

Tearable Puns

Penmanship

Tree Removal

I Sea Drums

Statue of Libertea

Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner Burrito

Cow Photobomb

Commas Save Lives

Never Give Up

Girl Sitting or Boy Hugging?

The Domino's Effect

Outdoor Pool

Wedding Pound Cake

Fear Of Light

Maiden Rock Illusion

Why Men Shouldn't Babysit

Noodle Art