#1 humor site on the 'net

Where Not To Fall A Tree

Some pickups aren't big enough for amateur tree fallers

Where Not To Fall A Tree thanks to Wayne Nowazek

How to make the most room available for stacking cut firewood

Do you have a dead tree or a dead pickup truck?

QuotaBills
My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

What kind of man gives cigarettes to trees? - Robin Williams

The righteous will flourish like the palm tree. - Psalms 92:12

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit. - Moliere

If you hate where you are, move - you are not a tree. - Unknown

The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. - John F Kennedy

Preoccupied with a single leaf you won't see the tree. - Vagabond

The patriot's blood is the seed of Freedom's tree. - Thomas Campbell

The man who forgets to be grateful has fallen asleep in life. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Character is the root of the tree; conduct, the fruit it bears. - E.M. Bounds

The shortest distance between two points is usually under repair. - Unknown

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, does it make a sound? - Unknown

Death is just a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees. - J.J. Furnas

Keep your bike in good repair: motorcycle boots are not comfortable for walking. - Unknown

Each has his own tree of ancestors, but at the top of all sits Probably Arboreal. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Trees are not known by their leaves, nor even by their blossoms, but by their fruits. - Eleanor of Aquitaine

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them. - Bill Vaughan

It's easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult. Choose your words wisely. - Unknown

Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. - Martin Luther

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright

If you reveal your secrets to the wind, don't blame the wind for revealing them to the trees. - Unknown

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn't see any forests. - Steven Wright

It's better to fall from a tree and break your back than to fall in love and break your heart. - African Proverb

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. - Joe Ryan

Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. - John Muir

Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. - Abraham Lincoln

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet. - Hal Borland

As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. - Woody Allen

If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed; if in terms of ten years, plant trees; if in terms of 100 years, teach the people. - Confucius

I think trees should bloom earlier in the spring. They act like they are on a schedule. It’s not like they have anywhere to go. - Jarod Kintz

On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat,
But his face you could not see,
On account of his Beaver Hat. - Edward Lear

Only when the last tree has withered, and the last fish caught, and the last river been poisoned, will we realize we cannot eat money. - Cree Proverb

Oil prices have fallen lately. We include this news for the benefit of gas stations, which otherwise wouldn't learn of it for six months. - Bill Tammeus

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin

I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree;
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all. - Ogden Nash

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown


Animal Taxi

Lego Key Holder

Mechanic Apprentice

Redneck Helicopter

Hairy Egg

Fork Door Handle

Making Hockey More Popular

Suitcase WorkPlace

One-Knight Stands

Stealth Cell Phone Tower

Holes of the World

Sunken Bed

Australian Wildfire Survivor

Rat Toys

Radish Camouflage

Apple Art

Cake Finders

Shot Glasses

Frog Spout Security

Chopper Bicycle

Canadian Suntan

Walkway To Heaven

Groucho Marx and Jimmy Savile

Despicable Shoes