#1 humor site on the 'net

Practice Safe Text

Use commas, and never miss a period

Practice Safe Text thanks to Jim Serritella

How English grammar can improve your relationship

QuotaBills
Speech is the small change of silence. - George Meredith

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

I believe in God, only I spell it Nature. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Dance is the hidden language of the soul. - Martha Graham

A proverb is to speech what salt is to food. - Arabic Proverb

Good sayings are like pearls strung together. - Chinese Proverb

I will not down to posterity talking bad grammar. - Benjamin Disraeli

The English never draw a line without blurring it. - Winston Churchill

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech. - Martin Fraquhar Tupper

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. - Robert Benchley

He speaks English, Spanish, and he's bilingual too. - Don King

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin

We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can. - Will Rogers

The English winter - ending in July, to recommence in August. - Lord Byron

Retire? I can't spell the word. I'd play in a wheelchair. - Keith Richards

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way. - Mark Twain

The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott

Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

If we are a country committed to free speech, then why do we have phone bills? - Steven Wright

The first 40 years of life give us the text; the next 30 supply the commentary. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead

The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers

There's nothing like an English weirdo. We have the best nutters in the world. - Sharon Osbourne

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the first word you thought of. - Burt Bacharach

Great literature is simply language charged with meaning to the utmost possible degree. - Ezra Pound

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. - Ingrid Bergman

At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. - Marshall Lumsden

Language is our meeting place, the sea we live in…it is the common ground of our humanity. - Toby Wolfe

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison. - Unknown

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

The English country gentleman galloping after a fox - the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable. - Oscar Wilde

Fashion is free speech, and one of the privileges, if not always one of the pleasures, of a free world. - Alison Lurie

Violence of language leads to violence of action. Angry men seldom fight if their tongues do not lead the fray. - Charles V Roman

If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson

Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

The wise man is but a clever infant, spelling letters from a hieroglyphical prophetic book, the lexicon of which lies in eternity. - Thomas Carlyle

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

I remain convinced that obstinate addiction to ordinary language in our private thoughts is one of the main obstacles to progress in philosophy. - Bertrand Russell


Duct Tape - for a Prettier World

Don't Get Your Head In A Knot

Cornfield Fishing

Dawn Gone

Highest Human Position In The World

Together Since

You Never Call

CLUMSY Driver

Water Short

Post Research

Motorcycle Taxi

Columbia Street Party

Fly By Meal

Down Day

Hanging Out With Friends

You Want Me To Do What?

Mirror Lake

Kitchen Thing

Light Road

Coffee Spoon

Show Stopper

Water Judge

Litter of DalCations

Fitness On The Bus