#1 humor site on the 'net

Months Apart

Like father, like son

Months Apart thanks to Wayne Nowazek

It's hard to tell who has the cutest baby face

QuotaBills
Baby lying in the bassinoot. - Archie Bunker

Do your kids a favor - don't have any. - Robert Orben

The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes. - William Shakespeare

A happy heart comes first, then the happy face. - Shania Twain

Be willing to access joy in the face of adversity. - C.W. Metcalf

My dad's Irish music was such a huge influence. - Dido Armstrong

A man without a smiling face should not open a shop. - Chinese Proverb

Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. - Luke 23:24

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father. - Greg Norman

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

The fingers of your thoughts are molding your face ceaselessly. - Charles Reznikoff

I'm a New Wave baby, so I got very stimulated by foreign film. - Jack Nicholson

Every child needs a father. Even if he turns out to be Darth Vader. - Jackson Radcliffe

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

The politicians were talking themselves red, white and blue in the face. - Clare Boothe Luce

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

What you deny or ignore, you delay, What you accept and face, you conquer. - Robert Tew

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

My heart is happy, my mind is free.
I had a father who talked with me. - Hilde Bigelow

Those who slew my father I drove into exile... and defeated them in battle. - Augustus

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

As a child, I always chose a false nose and some face paint and a wig for my birthday. - Ashley Jensen

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. - Oscar Wilde

Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life. - Oscar Wilde

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father's. - Robert Frost

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

The expression a woman wears on her face is far more important than the clothes she wears on her back. - Dale Carnegie

I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. - Rodney Dangerfield

If you're unable to find your face in the dictionary, then take this opportunity to define yourself. - Faydra D. Fields

Life is to be lived, not controlled; and humanity is won by continuing to play in face of certain defeat. - Ralph Ellison

There's nothing like a gleam of humor to reassure you that a fellow human being is ticking inside a strange face. - Eva Hoffman

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? - George Carlin

Hillary Clinton was the worst Secretary of State in the history of the country. The world came apart under her reign as Secretary of State. - Donald Trump

If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali

You're not supposed to be so blind with patriotism that you can't face reality. Wrong is wrong, no matter who does it or who says it. - Malcolm X

Life is like the dice that, falling, still show a different face. So life, though it remains the same, is always presenting different aspects. - Alexis

Today is yesterday's victory, yesterday is tomorrow's conquest, and tomorrow is today's war. Though I face death, I am not fearsome. - Nad├Ęge Richards

I once said to my father, when I was a boy, 'Dad we need a third political party.' He said to me, 'I'll settle for a second.' - Ralph Nader


Biggest Turkeys

Geezer Crossing

How to Twerk at Work

Scooter Hearse

Fast Type

Aussie Porsche

Redneck Plane Repair

Wine Time

Smart Fortune Cookie

Menopause Sucks

Baguetti

We Are All Tied Together

Shopping-ish

Going For A Walk

Fell Years Ago

No Pot Of Gold

Krispy Kreme Waffles

Organic Pears

Hungry For Justice

Relationsheep

Quotes Matter

Latest Cell Phone

Sled Dog

Stratus Sphere