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Mom's Kid

Happy Mother's Day from her only child

Mom's Kid thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Weird kids are even more special on Mother's Day

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Mother Superiority - Archie Bunker

Gin was mother's milk to her. - George Bernard Shaw

Leisure is the Mother of Philosophy. - Thomas Hobbes

Ignorance is the mother of admiration. - George Chapman

Fearlessness is the mother of reinvention. - Arianna Huffington

Necessity is the mother of taking chances. - Mark Twain

Getting caught is the mother of invention. - Robert Byrne

I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested. - Unknown

You trust your mother, but you cut the cards. - Unknown

The phrase working mother is redundant. - Jane Sellman

Necessity, who is the mother of our invention. - Plato

My grandmother made dying her life's work. - Hugh Leonard

The best place to cry is on a mother's arms. - Jodi Picoult

Me and your mother ain't no duke or duke-ess. - Archie Bunker

Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother. - Oprah Winfrey

A mother is one to whom you hurry when you are troubled. - Emily Dickinson

Nothing is really lost until your Mom can't find it. - Unknown

Being a mother is an attitude, not a biological relation. - Robert A. Heinlein

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. - Mae West

My mom always said normal is just a cycle on the washing machine. - Wynonna Judd

Her mother was a cultivated woman - she was born in a greenhouse. - Spike Milligan

I've never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother. - WC Fields

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

Cooking certain dishes, like roast pork, reminds me of my mother. - Maya Angelou

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? - George Carlin

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but you mean your mother. - Unknown

My grandmother took a bath every year, whether she was dirty or not. - Brendan Behan

It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it. - Dorothy

New mother - they get a sense of waddya call, "the maternals." - Archie Bunker

The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology. - Ray Romano

Necessity may be the mother of invention, but play is certainly the father. - Roger von Oech

The only mothers it is safe to forget on Mother's Day are the good ones. - Mignon McLaughlin

There's no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one. - Jill Churchill

A mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them. - Victor Hugo

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - Henry Ward Beecher

My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper. - Amy Sedaris

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. - Phyllis Diller

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. - Tim Allen

I want to stay curled and cosied and chocolated... forever in my mother's arms. - Sanober Khan

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

My mother is Irish, my father is black and Venezuelan, and me - I'm tan, I guess. - Mariah Carey

I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke

One of the most important things a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - Ray Chenoweth

A conservative is someone who makes no changes and consults his grandmother when in doubt. - Woodrow Wilson

My mom was fair. You never knew whether she was going to swing with her right or her left. - Herb Caen

You don't have to deserve your mother's love. You have to deserve your father's. - Robert Frost

No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement. - Florida Scott-Maxwell

I realized when you look at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know. - Mitch Albom

Said the daughter: "I don't have to help my Mom with the housework. She knows how." - Unknown

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding. - Erma Bombeck

Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall. A mother's secret hope outlives them all. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

There are only two things a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and his mother's age. - Benjamin Spock

A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes. - Robert Frost

What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you. - Nora Ephron

To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power. Or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow. - Maya Angelou

By embracing your mother wound as your yoga, you transform what has been a hindrance in your life into a teacher of the heart. - Phillip Moffitt

I think Mick Jagger would be astounded and amazed if he realized that to many people he is not a sex symbol, but a mother image. - David Bowie

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

The remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. - Calvin Trillin

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle

Worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. - P.J. O'Rourke

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller

Never play cards with a man called Doc, never eat at a place called Mom's, and never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own. - Nelson Algren

Blind dates are treacherous. You don't know who this person is. You wonder, "Should I call my grandma during coffee to get out of this?" - Alan Alda


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