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Message From The Wife

Eat more fruit - key ingredient for a healthy marital relationship

My friend got home late last night after a full day of golfing and drinking with the boys, and his wife left a message in the kitchen for him. I guess she wants him to eat more fruit...
Message From The Wife thanks to Barry McCartney

Secrets to a successful long-term relationship or marriage

QuotaBills
I was so cold I almost got married. - Shelley Winters

In married life three is company and two is none. - Oscar Wilde

There is nothing so difficult to marry as a large nose. - Oscar Wilde

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. - Unknown

There is no perfect marriage, for there are no perfect men. - French Proverb

Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is? - Frank Scully

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. - Ambrose Bierce

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

The cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good, spit it out. - Unknown

The key to success? Work hard, stay focused and marry a Kennedy. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez

I don't diet, I just don't eat as much as I'd like to. - Linda Evangelista

The general rule is that people who enjoy life also enjoy marriage. - Phyllis Battelle

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. - Mae West

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Never marry anyone you could not sit next to during a three-day bus trip. - Roger Ebert

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. - Totie Fields

I've been married so long I'm on my third bottle of Tabasco sauce. - Susan Vass

I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me. - Brendan Behan

The great majority of neuroses in women have their origin in the marriage bed. - Sigmund Freud

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown

If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry. - O. Henry

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive. - Oscar Wilde

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rim shots during the vows. - Sam Kinison

Nature magically suits a man to his fortunes, by making them the fruit of his character. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks. - Joe E Lewis

I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling. - Rodney Dangerfield

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

The Irish Catholic side was married to the life of an actor and I found out acting could be a form of prayer. - Liam Neeson

Marriage is like a beleaguered fortress: those who are outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out. - French Proverb

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me. - Phyllis Diller

I value my garden more for being full of blackbirds than of cherries, and very frankly give them fruit for their songs. - Joseph Addison

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. - Ogden Nash

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson


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