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Garbage Day Special Delivery

The Practical Joe-ker guide on how to liven up garbage day

Garbage Day Special Delivery thanks to Emery Pettigrove

Endorsed by the Al Capone school of victim services

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Lose your cool - play the fool. - W. Andrew Welker

The secret to humor is surprise. - Aristotle

Why did I wake up in a garbage can? - Nicole Polizzi

A fool and his money are soon parted. - English Proverb

A fool and his money are soon partying. - Steven Wright

A jester unemployed is nobody's fool. - Danny Kaye

It is better to be a fool than to be dead. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Any fool can criticize, and many of them do. - Cyril Garbett

Practical politics consists in ignoring facts. - Henry Brooks Adams

When you want to fool the world, tell the truth. - Otto von Bismarck

Sometimes I drink water just to surprise my liver. - WC Fields

The wise person questions himself, the fool others. - Henri Arnold

The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself. - Steve Martin

A genius from nine to five - a fool at the weekends. - Unknown

I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing. - Jonathan Swift

You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm. - Colette

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish. - Aeschylus

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

A wise man learns by the mistakes of others, a fool by his own. - Latin Proverb

First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity. - George Bernard Shaw

He who breaks a resolution is a weakling. He who makes one is a fool. - F.M. Knowles

A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends. - Baltasar Gracian

He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliot

A fellow who is always declaring he’s no fool usually has suspicions. - Wilson Miznor

There are well-dressed foolish ideas, just as there are well-dressed fools. - Sebastien Chamfort

There is a world of practical religion in simply being considerate of others. - Roger Babson

Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light? - Maurice Freehill

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance. The wise grows it under his feet. - James Oppenheim

The young man who has not wept is a savage, and the old man who will not laugh is a fool. - George Santayana

Until you're ready to look foolish, you'll never have the possibility of being great. - Cher

My imagination makes me human and makes me a fool; it gives me all the world and exiles me from it. - Ursula K. Le Guin

Start a huge, foolish project like Noah. It makes absolutely no difference what people think of you. - Rumi

What a surprise to find you could shift the contents of your head like rearranging furniture in a room. - Lisa Alther

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot. - Groucho Marx

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. - George S Patton

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it. - WC Fields

The practical importance of the preservation of our forests is augmented by their relations to climate, soil and streams. - John Muir

The greatest advantage I know of being thought a wit by the world is that it gives one the greater freedom of playing the fool. - Jonathan Swift

May I say that I have not thoroughly enjoyed serving with humans? I find their illogic and foolish emotions a constant irritant. - Leonard Nimoy

One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear. - J.B. Morton


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