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France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

Every dog has his day. - Unknown

Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

When I was a kid I inhaled frequently. That was the point. - Barack Obama

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

The only fence against the world is a thorough knowledge of it. - John Locke

The dog who meets with a good master is the happier of the two. - Maurice Maeterlinck

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. - Rodney Dangerfield

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump

There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Bernard Williams

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if he wanted to be one? - Jackie Mason

I'm like the kid in kindergarten; I really do send valentines to everyone. - Susie Bright

Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed. - Don Rickles

All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. - Rodney Dangerfield

Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers

When I was a kid, I used to think pork chops and karate chops were the same thing. - Shane Koyczan

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard

I can get motivated seeing a kid at my son's school overcome a learning disability. - Jason Alexander

A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffet

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it. - George Burns

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. - Steven Wright

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

No kid is unsmart. Every kid's a genius at something. Our job is to find it. And then encourage it. - Robin Sharma

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

A woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view. - Sophia Loren

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather

As a kid, you looked forward to Charlie Brown during Halloween and you looked forward to Monday Night Football. - Nick Ferguson

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face. - Rodney Dangerfield

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash


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