#1 humor site on the 'net

Car Paint

Stress-full inside view of a newly-painted car

Car Paint thanks to Mike King

Secure your paint cans with friction top lids

It ain't paint that's bothering this car driver
QuotaBills
I want to paint the way a bird sings. - Claude Monet

Keep the paint up, and the rubber down. - Unknown

Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson

Life is painting a picture, not doing a sum. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Every time I paint a portrait I lose a friend. - John Singer Sargent

Never invest emergency savings in the stock market. - Suze Orman

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright

Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs. - Ambrose Bierce

Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window. - Unknown

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. - Steven Wright

A painting is never finished — it simply stops in interesting places. - Paul Gardner

You should not paint the chair, but only what someone has felt about it. - Edvard Munch

Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. - Natalie Goldberg

I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me. - Brendan Behan

Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise man to be able to sell it. - Samuel Butler

Only when he no longer knows what he is doing does the painter do good things. - Edgar Degas

There is nothing so strong or safe in an emergency of life as the simple truth. - Charles Dickens

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

You don't have to carry a designer bag that costs more than a car to look cool. - Kesha

The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker

Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown

As a child, I always chose a false nose and some face paint and a wig for my birthday. - Ashley Jensen

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

Some painters transform the sun into a yellow spot, others transform a yellow spot into the sun. - Pablo Picasso

I didn't know that painters and writers retired. They're like soldiers – they just fade away. - Lawrence Ferlinghetti

I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson

When walking, you see things that you miss in a motor car or on the train. You give your mind space to ponder. - Tom Hodgkinson

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. - Ronald Reagan

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone. - Steven Wright

The minute there's a map, there is no art. Paint by numbers is not art. Paint by numbers is a mechanical activity. - Seth Godin

I do get scared of the dentist, so a drive-through dentist might make me feel more at home. If I got to stay in my car. - Jessica Pare

If you hear a voice within you say "you cannot paint," then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced. - Vincent Van Gogh

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor

I challenge you to make your life the masterpiece you want to paint, the novel you want to read, the day you want to wake to. - Toni Sorenson

Self-consciousness is the enemy of all art, be it acting, writing, painting, or living itself, which is the greatest art of all. - Ray Bradbury

Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett

Deals are my art form. Other people paint beautifully on canvas or write wonderful poetry. I like making deals, preferably big deals. - Donald Trump

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman


Amish Smart Car

Sitting on the Hot Seat

Redneck Wiener Roast

Free Trip To Heaven

Is There a Hell For Animals?

Double Line Parking

Without Government

Nose For Coke

Crisp Chips

3 Stages Of A Man's Life

Tipsy Crane

Clear View

Redneck Ladder

Home Depot Delivery

Taco Bell Secret Seasoning

Are You OK?

Downchuck

Rickshaw Workout

Tenacity

Annual Meeting of Women Drivers

Bach Flip

Alien Smuggling

The Three Stooges In And Out Of Character

Teamwork