Bonus Baby

Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise. - Alice Walker

Babies are such a nice way to start people. - Don Herold

A baby is an inestimable blessing and a bother. - Mark Twain

The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself. - Steve Martin

Stop crime at its source - support planned parenthood. - Robert Byrne

You take more pictures of your baby than NASA does of Mars. - Unknown

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck

Every baby born into the world is a finer one than the last. - Charles Dickens

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it. - Frank A. Clark

One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control. - Rodney Dangerfield

Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds. - Buddha

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. - Leo J Burke

I'm a New Wave baby, so I got very stimulated by foreign film. - Jack Nicholson

My Birth Certificate is so old, it's written in Roman Numerals. - Bill Carter

Memory is a complicated thing, a relative to truth but not its twin. - Barbara Kingsolver

The big lesson in life, baby, is never be scared of anyone or anything. - Frank Sinatra

I love you like crazy, baby
'Cuz I'd go crazy without you. - Pixie Foudre

Back then the women had babies, which they called in them days, begatten. - Archie Bunker

Baby: a loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. - Ronald Knox

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. - Natalie Wood

An ugly baby is a very nasty object, and the prettiest is frightful when undressed. - Queen Victoria

The firsts go away - first love, first baby, first kiss. You have to create new ones. - Sarah Jessica Parker

Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. - Bart Simpson

The man who is ostentatious of his modesty is twin to the statue that wears a fig-leaf. - Mark Twain

If newborn babies could speak they would be the most intelligent beings on planet earth. - Jaden Smith

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. - Joseph Campbell

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

What a surprise to find you could shift the contents of your head like rearranging furniture in a room. - Lisa Alther

Every two months, I would get an email, 'Skeleton Twins update: still don't have the money!' - Bill Hader

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. - George S Patton

I never used to like babies. I'd always thought if a baby were more like a chimpanzee, I'd have one. - Candice Bergen

Why is it that people rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the people involved. - Mark Twain

I'm into all that sappy stuff - a surprise picnic, nice dinner, or traveling. I'm kind of an old romantic. - Will Estes

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? - George Carlin

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Without this playing with fantasy no creative work has ever yet come to birth. The debt we owe to the play of the imagination is incalculable. - Carl Jung