#1 humor site on the 'net

Unknown Assailant

When testing of the Emergency Alert System is a FAIL

Unknown Assailant thanks to Barry McCartney

TV station attempts to bring anonymity to an assault suspect

QuotaBills
I got a unanimous (anonymous) letter - Archie Bunker

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover! - Homer Simpson

For most of history, Anonymous was a woman. - Virginia Woolf

Television has raised writing to a new low. - Samuel Goldwyn

Imitation is the sincerest form of television. - Fred Allen

When I was your age, television was called books. - William Goldman

Man is a victim of dope in the incurable form of hope. - Ogden Nash

Nothing is really real unless it happens on television. - Daniel J. Boorstin

Let's bask in television's warm, glowing, warming glow. - Homer Simpson

Rape is the only crime in which the victim becomes the accused. - Freda Adler

TV is simply a place where people go when they get tired of thinking. - Kevin Devitte

The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. - Dave Barry

My children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television. - Erma Bombeck

Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim. - Bertrand Russell

Man may be the captain of his fate, but is also the victim of his blood sugar. - Wilfrid G. Oakley

Antitoxidote cruisin' through my system looking for some disease to attack. - Archie Bunker

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other. - Ann Landers

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets? - Dick Cavett

You do not lead by hitting people over the head; that is assault, not leadership. - Dwight D Eisenhower

I have come to believe that this is a mighty continent which was hitherto unknown. - Christopher Columbus

For those of you watching who do not have television sets, live commentary is on Radio 2. - David Coleman

I wanted this to be a movie on TV so I could press the off button and make it all go away. - Michelle Rowen

President Ford tells us all to bite the bullet and Betsy Ford goes on TV and shoots off her mouth. - Archie Bunker

I chose the Egyptian dream: the dream to make a TV show, and then be called an infidel by the end. - Bassem Youssef

That the Pearl Harbor attack should have succeeded in achieving surprise seems a blessing from heaven. - Hideki Tojo

Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight. - Milton Berle

If I don't work, I'll be sitting on the couch watching TV, eating popcorn and getting like a cow. - Celia Cruz

You could say that the paparazzi and the tabloids are sort of the assault weapons of the First Amendment. - Charlton Heston

Do not attack me with your watch. A watch is always too fast or too slow. I cannot be dictated to by a watch. - Jane Austen

There is no way you can get people to believe you on screen if they know who you really are through television. - Jack Nicholson

The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!" - Red Skelton

The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards. - Billy Connolly

The guy who takes a chance, who walks the line between the known and unknown, who is unafraid of failure, will succeed. - Gordon Parks

Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home. - David Frost

You've probably got a device on you that can shoot decent video, so what's stopping you? Capture and share some moments. - Steve Garfield

We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she stands on the issues. Isn't that a little backwards? - Jay Leno

The Obama representatives like Robert Gibbs attack people viciously, but people like me will not be silent and will answer them back. - Donald Trump

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world. - Steven Wright

I could never have imagined that firing 67 people on national television would actually make me more popular, especially with the younger generation. - Donald Trump


Wet T-Shirt Contest Winners

Cheating Husband

Stuck On High Gear

Bottom Blast Car Wash

Yo Mama Bin Shopping

Gangsta

Helmet Full Of Hair

Air Conditioner Repair

Redneck Towing

Walking His Fresh Food Pet

Japanese Tea Bath

Redneck Daycare

Hedge Hunter

Pilot Prop Job

Front To Side View

Moses' USB Tablets

Family Photo

Is Laughter The Best Medicine?

Plastered Wall Plasterer

Waffle Board

Stairway Repair

Cowboy Bubble Bath

Trunk Load

Centennial Puff