#1 humor site on the 'net

Tennessee Family

A Redneck's planned parenthood

Tennessee Family thanks to Howard Chapman

Natural fammily planning in the Ozarks

QuotaBills
Diabetes taught me discipline. - Sonia Sotomayor

Burn rubber, not your soul, baby. - Craig Fernandez

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel

A baby is an inestimable blessing and a bother. - Mark Twain

I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

When I first found out I had diabetes I denied it. - Nell Carter

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields

I have a great relationship with the Mexican people. - Donald Trump

Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on. - Carl Sandburg

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton

You take more pictures of your baby than NASA does of Mars. - Unknown

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain

There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E. Leonard

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg

Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker

There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis

Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain

The big lesson in life, baby, is never be scared of anyone or anything. - Frank Sinatra

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald

The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse

Having a baby is like falling in love again, both with your husband and your child. - Tina Brown

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. - Mary Marsh

I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst

Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the power of the mind. - Marcel Proust

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one. - William Menninger

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio

A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work. - Geoffrey Norman

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. - Flip Wilson

Psychiatry is the art of teaching people how to stand on their own two feet while reclining on couches. - Sigmund Freud

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

I never used to like babies. I'd always thought if a baby were more like a chimpanzee, I'd have one. - Candice Bergen

My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body. - Donald Trump

An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi

Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden

Sensitive love letters are my specialty: "Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You. P.S. I'm gay." - Homer Simpson

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

Trying to manage diabetes is hard because if you don't, there are consequences you'll have to deal with later in life. - Bryan Adams

In Mexico, an air-conditioner is called a "politician" because it makes a lot of noise but doesn't work very well. - Len Deighton

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone

My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

Our babies are like penguins; penguin babies can't exist unless more than one person is taking care of them. They just can't keep going. - Alison Gopnik

If I could store lightnings in jars, I'd sell them to sick fireflies to light their way. Only they have nothing to pay for it with but life. - Will Advise

I'm going to make people happy. I'm going to make them forget about their cancer. I'm going to make them forget about their diabetes. - Dick Dale


Ship Tow

Redneck Turkey Shoot

Costco Wine

Downer Parking

Baconurkey

Camel Herders of the 21st Century

Redneck Palm Pilot

Turkey Day Selfie

Spool Turkey

Meal Alert

Turkey Not

Thanksgiving Harvest Time

Turkey Wants You To Eat Pork

Going Cold Turkey

Bacon Turkey

Run, Turkey, Run

Biggest Turkeys

Turkish Architecture

Ghost Food

Turkey Weather Forecast

'Twas The Night Before Thanksgiving

Redneck Car Upgrade

Box Fill Overload

Hiding Horse