My Favourite Day of the Year

Bacon is meat candy. - Unknown

I only eat candy on Halloween. - Michael Trevino

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. - Ogden Nash

Extraordinary how potent cheap music is. - Noel Coward

Talk is cheap... except when Congress does it. - Unknown

Valentine's Day is the poet's holiday. - Ted Kooser

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine. - Lord Byron

Safety is a cheap and effective insurance policy. - Unknown

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me. - Warren Buffet

Talk is cheap until you hire a lawyer or an accountant. - Joe Defries

I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill. - Henny Youngman

I claim there ain't another Saint as great as Valentine. - Ogden Nash

You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap. - Dolly Parton

Valentine hearts beat more passionately than everyday hearts. - Unknown

Valentine's Day is like Armistice Day - you declare a truce. - Milton Berle

Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January. - Jim Gaffigan

As a child, the only clear thought I had was "Get candy." - Jerry Seinfeld

Business without profit is not business any more than a pickle is candy. - Charles F Abbott

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day. - Jay Leno

Valentine's day without your love is like a year without the Internet. - Santosh Kalwar

Valentine's Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot. - Milton Berle

She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash. - Milton Berle

Working with Julie Andrews is like getting hit over the head with a valentine. - Christopher Plummer

I'm like the kid in kindergarten; I really do send valentines to everyone. - Susie Bright

Mexico: where life is cheap, death is rich, and the buzzards are never unhappy. - Edward Abbey

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle

Oh, if it be to choose and call thee mine, love, thou art every day my Valentine! - Thomas Hood

If my Valentine you won't be,
I'll hang myself on your Christmas tree. - Ernest Hemingway

To the romantic soul, the rituals of Valentine's Day echo every day of the year. - Richelle E. Goodrich

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

If 'ifs and buts' were 'candy and nuts', we'd have Christmas every day. - Unknown

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle

The only thing that can break a piece of Valentine candy is another piece of Valentine candy. - Milton Berle

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind. - William Shakespeare

Make pumpkin bread as the default gift for everyone. It is cheap, it is beloved, it is carbs. - Karen Bender

I unfortunately still crave chicken McNuggets and bacon, which is the meat candy of the world. - Katy Perry

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap? - Phyllis Diller

Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th. - David Letterman

I love Valentine's Day! I love it, I love it, I love it. I like having doors opened for me. - Ginnifer Goodwin

The great thing about candy is that it can't be spoiled by the adult world. Candy is innocent. - Rosecrans Baldwin

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle

Why buy flowers for Valentine's Day? Just go to a cemetery and collect a dozen off a few graves. - Jarod Kintz

There's no point in wasting calories on cheap chocolate, always opt for the darkest and richest. - Nanci Rathbun

When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk

The thing about Valentine's day is that people discover who are single and who to feel jealous of. - Faye Morgan

Women are the most powerful magnet in the universe. And all men are cheap metal. And we all know where north is. - Larry Miller

Canada has given us John Candy and Martin Short and Bill Shatner and Lord knows how many other wonderful performers. - Jamie Farr

Are you going to answer my questions, or do I have to whack you with a stick until delicious candy surprises fall out? - Molly Harper

Valentine's Day: Rubbing singles' noses in their lack of a mate and the noses of couples in their lack of time. - Emma McLaughlin

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine. - Milton Berle

All Halloween candy pales next to candy corn, if only because candy corn used to appear, like the Great Pumpkin, solely on Halloween. - Rosecrans Baldwin

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle

This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him. - Conan O'Brien

This Valentine's Day rent a poem for your loved. They come in three sizes - small, medium, and romantic. Free refills available to Premium Members. - Jarod Kintz

My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, "Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul." That's just like her. She kept the good parts for herself. - Milton Berle

Non-Muslims in Saudi Arabia can only celebrate Valentine's Day behind closed doors. Apparently, this has led to a huge black market for flowers and wrapping paper. - John Niven

On Halloween, kids get to assume, for one night the outward forms of their innermost dread, and they're also allowed to take candy from strangers - the scariest thing of all. - Kate Christensen

I take a lot of pride in the work I do, because people pay to see me. They've got to get babysitters, park their car, get popcorn and candy. I've got to be conscious of that. - Mr. T

Hollywood wanted to change my birthdate. I was born after Valentine's Day, so they wanted to change it to February 14. A Latin lover should be born on Valentine's Day. I said no. - Cesar Romero

I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon. - Unknown

Valentine's Day is when stores and restaurants get rich, men get lucky, and women fill their pretty faces with chocolate and put up with their man for six seconds at the end of the night. - Unknown

I like sugar, be it candy, this season's pumpkin chocolate chip bars, or wine. Sugar is bad for me. It just sits on my tummy, causing my middle child Esme to ask if we are having a fourth baby. - Alicia Coppola